somedude81 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I know, my post sounded very cold! That's how yours come across when you say that any woman 30+ without a man is a loser who wasted her time and did it all wrong. By your logic, you did too. I don't agree with EITHER OF THOSE ASSESSMENTS. I *do* agree that sex is easier for women to obtain, DATES are easier for them obtain, but relationships are not. IME more women are looking for Rs (in their 20s, maybe even 30s) than guys are. There are more women competing for R oriented guys in their 20s because those guys are fewer and further between than R oriented girls in their 20s. And I don't think saying "date a guy in his 30s" is a solution for a girl in her 20s, plenty want guys around their age. Hey I sympathize with you probably more than most on this board, and it is disheartening when you paint all women with these broad generalizations, you're a loser if you're not married when you're 30 and all that. I am 29 and I doubt I will be married when I am 30 considering that is in 9 months! So I'd need to be engaged by now! And I don't think I'm a loser! I don't think you are a loser for not having a GF. Like I said, I can totally sympathize with you but why can't you extend the same courtesy to women? That's the part that is annoying. You're 29 and not married yet? What's wrong with you? I kid I have to work in a few minutes so I don't have time for a real response. I'd like to continue the dialog.
oaks Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Er well, ever read Cosmo? There's quite the market to give women dating advice as well. Must be time to link this again: 7 Psychotic Pieces of Relationship Advice from Cosmo | Cracked.com 1
veggirl Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You're 29 and not married yet? What's wrong with you? I kid I have to work in a few minutes so I don't have time for a real response. I'd like to continue the dialog. Yay we're still friends!
Negative Nancy Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 The essence of female advantage is this: women never are in danger of being alone. They will only be alone by choice. They get hit on while in a relationship or while single. They get hit on getting coffee in the morning, at work, walking down the street, on facebook, at school, at the bar with their girlfriends, etc etc. They will constantly be offered free dinners, movies, etc. They are constantly being given options and this does not stop until their mid-thirties, possibly later if they keep their bodies in shape. And this goes for all average women, 5/10 and up. So don't think I'm only talking about hot girls. this isn't true at all, which kind of parallel universe are you living in?
Kamille Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Must be time to link this again: 7 Psychotic Pieces of Relationship Advice from Cosmo | Cracked.com So according to Cosmo, women should be suspicious of any man who isn't an uncommunicative, asexual, unhappy and asocial slob. Makes perfect sense to me (Irony people Irony!). Now can someone teach me the Ten-fingered-ball-crusher? Hopefully PUA sites give better advice. Oh wait... If it did, there wouldn't be so many angry single men on this site right? 1
zengirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Fine. Let's use your definition of dating success, which is "able to get and go on acceptable dates." Your definition makes sense in that it is a necessary step in the relationship process, and I like that it doesn't include "getting approached by wildly inappropriate people" as successful, but I'm not seeing how women have an easier time finding acceptable dates. Agreed. Even when we focus on this definition, I don't see how women have it easier. Now if the topic is, "Being a hot young woman makes dating easier," then maybe. But other than that, not seeing any proof that just being female, regardless of other traits, makes dating easier. Most women I know my age single are single not because they spent their 20's in law/medical school plus internships but because they've run out of good looking jerks to use them for sex. You posted this right after posting that women are too picky and wait for a perfect pitch. So. . . which is it? Women are too picky? Or not picky enough and just sleep with all the jerks? In your baseball analogy there sure is a bench. OP is riding it & women have as many at- bats as they want. That does in fact make things easier for them. More options doesn't make things easier? No, more options by itself doesn't make things easier. Especially if the options are all bad or the few options that would suit you are off the table. Or if the options are unrelated to what you want. Options alone. . . are useless, really. Hell, sometimes they even make things harder. I'm not convinced women have more options - they get approached more, but that doesn't correlate to more options for an actual date with an acceptable guy. 2
phineas Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 You posted this right after posting that women are too picky and wait for a perfect pitch. So. . . which is it? Women are too picky? Or not picky enough and just sleep with all the jerks? Dating the 5% that makes up the good looking player/jerk types while ignoring the rest of the men is in fact being picky. No, more options by itself doesn't make things easier. Especially if the options are all bad or the few options that would suit you are off the table. Or if the options are unrelated to what you want. Options alone. . . are useless, really. Hell, sometimes they even make things harder. I'm not convinced women have more options - they get approached more, but that doesn't correlate to more options for an actual date with an acceptable guy. So what are you saying, that half the men in the universe aren't acceptable to date? 75%? 95%? All? This goes back to women who turn down men left & right the whine there aren't any good men out there. What she really means is there aren't any 6ft+ rich & muscular men out there interested in her.
MaxNoob Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I'm not convinced women have more options - they get approached more, but that doesn't correlate to more options for an actual date with an acceptable guy. What's an acceptable guy? From reading LS, I've learned that there's endless reasons why a guy can be instantly disqualified: 1) Not making her laugh on the first date 2) Not paying for her meal 3) Not calling 24-48 hours after the first date 4) Not going for a kiss by the second date 5) Car isn't clean enough 6) Any hint of being nervous, lacking confidence 7) She may be looking for a relationship, but if you treat a first date as anything other than light fun, you'll scare her off. Showing more interest than her at any time means instant rejection. 8) Spending too much time talking about one subject 9) Not having a modern smartphone And on and on. What kind of behavior would it take to disqualify the girl? Admitting she's married? You're comparing guys who just want to get laid with girls who want a LTR with the perfect soul mate. Why not compare apples to apples. Some guys want relationships also, but even if they meet the usual requirements of being tall, thin, with a good job, they have to pretend that they're only slightly interested at first, so that they don't scare the girl off.
mesmerized Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 This goes back to women who turn down men left & right the whine there aren't any good men out there. What she really means is there aren't any 6ft+ rich & muscular men out there interested in her. I don't get it...What is so strange about women wanting attractive men?? Men are the same if not much worse. Males might sleep with a lot of women, but they don't commit to a woman who they don't find attractive. Just the way it is.
jobaba Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) Women have it easier. There's no question. My sister who people say looks just like me and is of equal height and size for a woman has had boyfriends since high school and has had men hitting on her. She is of similar sociability skill too and is actually pickier about who she will socialize with. Her most serious boyfriend met her through a mutual friend and asked that friend for her number and proactively called her and that was not the first time that had happened. Her second boyfriend approached her at a club and asked for her number too. How many times has a woman done that for me? Zero. How many times has that come close to happening for me? Zero... Just the fact that you have to put in less work to meet people makes it easier. Even she and my other female friends have admitted it is easier for women. It kind of boggles my mind that some women here don't think so. The best thing to do if you are a guy who is not good looking and doesn't have cute women approaching you is to realize you have to put in work and get out there and do it. The earlier you realize it, the better. Just the way it is. You don't like it, go gay or get a sex change. Edited July 17, 2012 by jobaba 1
florence of suburbia Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 The fact that you guys wish you were women so your lives would be easier is a real turn on. 7
jobaba Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) The fact that you guys wish you were women so your lives would be easier is a real turn on. Actually to be honest with you, women who do realize that it's a bit easier for them IS a turn on for me. One of my old coworkers said to me once ... "It kinda sucks for men. You have to get out there and approach strangers and face rejection. That's tough." I know what I have to do. But a pat on the back is nice every now and then. Compassion and modesty are traits that attract me. Go figure. The woman who realizes the young guy might be a little nervous approaching instead of "If he doesn't approach me with all the confidence and panache of David Duchovony, I'm rejecting." I remember I was at a small gathering once years ago with a couple of women and a couple of guys and one of the women said, "C'mon guys. You're supposed to entertain us." That type of self entitlement is a definite turnoff. Edited July 17, 2012 by jobaba 1
TheWatcher Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Quote: zengirl There are certainly some single women on here who can't find anyone (I could name at least half a dozen off-hand). A lot of them are a bit older (makes sense, with how dating ages skew), but they're still women. I'd say there are quite a few single women who are looking without success -- they don't post the same kinds of threads as you do, but that's a socialization issue in terms of how women and men are taught to communicate about such things. how many of them have been on a grand total of three dates and are virgins at forty? answer me that. Exactly !! A 40 yr old woman who's a virgin & been on only 3 dates.No such woman exists. Whereas, there are many men who are in such a situation.It is very common situation amongst men. Either we know one personally or know of one.
veggirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 There's nothing wrong with that, but I think women ought to expand their criteria a bit more. If you are 5'3 and only date men 6 ft tall and up, how about giving that "otherwise perfect" 5'9 guy a shot? Or if you only like guys with dark hair, how about giving an "otherwise perfect" blonde or red head a chance? I will agree with you on this. The height requirements of some women do strike me as bizarre, but I'm not sure that's the norm (having a stringent height requirement). I think a lot of dating woes are kind of age-specific. You are more likely to come across a 22 yr old girl requiring a guy be 6in taller than her than a woman in her 30s I think. Then again, I guess guys will say that the woman in her 30s only doesn't have that requirement because she is desperate...so...no winning, really. I was always a girl who was VERY attracted to brunettes. Never really attracted to blondes, NEVER thought I'd be very attracted to one. My bf is blonde Most women, especially in their 20's, have an absurdly narrow definition of what is attractive and won't budge for anything. This may be true, but we are only in our 20s for so long. Light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know. The problem is that for some reason men hold a woman's previous preferences against her forever. If a 22 yr old girl requires a 6 foot man, but then at 28 realizes how silly that was, is that so bad? We all grow up, a lot, in our 20s. Why is it held against women so much? I refuse to believe women only find 5 or even only 15% of men attractive, as is shown judging from the women I see and know. What it is in reality, is that you want only the best of the best and measure "Best" in dollars and how many abs are visible, women could easily find 30-40% of men attractive is they just opened up a little bit, and they often do once they stop getting all the boatloads of attention in their 20's. I think that you overestimate the value women place on looks. Women, yes even young ones, are more attracted to charm or swag than just looks ime.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 In your baseball analogy there sure is a bench. OP is riding it & women have as many at- bats as they want. That does in fact make things easier for them. More options doesn't make things easier? You're not getting it. This is about "dating", and you simply can not be "dating" until such time as when you got a proverbial hit. In baseball terms that is 'running the bases'. You simply can not be both "running the bases" AND "on the bench" at the same time. IF you want to go ahead and say that women have an easier time 'getting a hit/date' and reaching base, then go ahead and say so. But as the thread herein is about "dating", you don't even qualify until you "date". Asking for a date is merely the bat connecting with the ball, and you are not 'dating' until you're out with that person (and simultaneously at first, second, or third base), (with the ball having landed in play long enough for you to reach base).
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Most women, especially in their 20's, have an absurdly narrow definition of what is attractive and won't budge for anything. LOL - have you been under a rock? They don't have to !!!
Bob_Funk Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) This may be true, but we are only in our 20s for so long. Light at the end of the tunnel? I don't know. The problem is that for some reason men hold a woman's previous preferences against her forever. If a 22 yr old girl requires a 6 foot man, but then at 28 realizes how silly that was, is that so bad? We all grow up, a lot, in our 20s. Why is it held against women so much? Because of female pickiness, many guys are forced to go years without any sex or intimacy during their hormonal teens and twenties - the years they needed women the most. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that is? Not to mention guys of all ages are most attracted to women aged 17-25. It's one thing to grow old with your college sweetheart, always remembering her as she was when you first met. It's another thing entirely to get with some 32 year old whom you know banged a dozen other guys during her younger hotter days, while you masturbated yourself to sleep every night. Edited July 17, 2012 by Bob_Funk 1
Els Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 No, more options by itself doesn't make things easier. Especially if the options are all bad or the few options that would suit you are off the table. Or if the options are unrelated to what you want. Options alone. . . are useless, really. Hell, sometimes they even make things harder. Precisely. Having lots of bad options is like giving a starving poverty-stricken kid lots of books. Now, books are great... if you actually know how to read them, want to, and aren't in need of FOOD at the moment. He could probably try eating the books, but that wouldn't turn out very well... 1
Anela Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Because of female pickiness, many guys are forced to go years without any sex or intimacy during their hormonal teens and twenties - the years they needed women the most. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that is? Not to mention guys of all ages are most attracted to women aged 17-25. It's one thing to grow old with your college sweetheart, always remembering her as she was when you first met. It's another thing entirely to get with some 32 year old whom you know banged a dozen other guys during her younger hotter days, while you masturbated yourself to sleep every night. Actually, due to my own pickiness (such as avoiding hot bad boys), I've gone much longer than you would think without sex and intimacy. I love how women are supposed to be so pure, and wait until you come along to claim them as your own (men with your attitude are usually the ones who want to bang as many girls as possible, and then settle down with someone who is nothing like those women). 1
oaks Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 From reading LS, I've learned that there's endless reasons why a guy can be instantly disqualified: 4) Not going for a kiss by the second date And on and on. Or even the first date. At least one woman on here has expressed the view that it wasn't a date if there wasn't a kiss. What kind of behavior would it take to disqualify the girl? Admitting she's married? Not being hot.
Anela Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I can't edit the above, so I will add: Now I wish that I'd banged a few of those hot guys - goodness knows I wanted sex, but I wanted it in a committed relationship, not casually.
manup Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 I don't get it...What is so strange about women wanting attractive men?? Men are the same if not much worse. Males might sleep with a lot of women, but they don't commit to a woman who they don't find attractive. Just the way it is. Men would be more than happy to date and have relationships with their EQUALS. Somehow every female 6 out there thinks they deserve a male 10. 2
Anela Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Nearing 35, never been married, no kids. Are you trying to make my point for me? Hey it's fine if they don't mind being single and not having kids. I just hope they aren't complaining about how all the good men are taken when she's in her 40's. So, the fact that they are spending their time saving lives - that doesn't count for anything? There is no point in posting in these threads. I am losing sympathy for you more and more with each comment.
Els Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Putting in my first, and probably only, serious response here: I actually do think that women do have it easier in terms of 'dating and sex', fullstop. Anything beyond that, ie LTRs and commitment, are equally difficult for both genders. I would, in fact, wager that when it comes to commitment, in many cases it's easier for men. Once they get through the hurdle of getting the date, in many cases the women are the ones who desire commitment more and sooner. But the fact remains that in many other areas, most notably biology and non-relationship-related social norms, women have it much, much harder. I don't think any of you even want to argue this with me. It is well known that women are still fighting an uphill battle in many career fields due to male dominance being just recently overturned, and, to quote Amy Farrah Fowler: 'our plumbing is extraordinarily high maintenance'. If a couple decides to have a child, the woman is the one who goes through 9 months of pregnancy and the incredible pain of labour. You literally get sick every month - yes, I suffer as much during my menstruation as I do during a cold - I could go on. Yes, all of that isn't necessarily related to 'dating', but the fact is that you can't just take 'dating' in a vacuum. That's like saying 'life is so much easier for men because almost 99% of men can orgasm from vaginal intercourse but less than 50% of women can'. Obviously when you pick and choose your points like that, you will always find something in which your gender, race, upbringing, career, whatever, is disadvantaged at. And you ignore the fact that we all have our burdens in life. Life isn't 'easy' for anyone except a very privileged few. Learn to appreciate what is easy for you, and accept what is difficult, and you'll find you'll enjoy life so much more. 3
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