lostmyself12 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Last night was probably the worst things have ever been for me. H went out with some friends while our daughters and I were at a family gathering with my fam. I had not checked my phone the whole time because I needed to be able to be relax and I can't when he's blowing me up. When I finally did check my phone there was a clear indication that he was really drunk ("I am sitting in bar crying about what you did to me" "I just got kicked out of the bar") and I was aware that he would be crazy when he came home so I texted him that the girls and I would be sleeping in our bed and I had locked the bedroom door and that he should sleep on the couch. This apparently sent him into a rage, and he texted me that if the door was locked when he got home there would be problems. I still fell asleep with the girls in bed with me, but didn't lock the bedroom door, thinking that everything (hoping) would be fine. Needless to say it wasn't. We put the girls in their own beds and I laid here while he berated me for my affair (reasonable and acceptable) he then said that I demonized him (by no longer accepting his verbal/emotional abuse anymore) and I said he demonized himself, he made choices on how to treat me. He then stood up, picked me up (I tried to fight back) tossed me over his shoulder and carried me to the front door and put me on the front steps in a tshirt, and locked me out. I opened the garage door and he unlocked the door, effectively letting me in. Our 4 year old had been awake for all of this...I'm fairly certain she saw him carry me through the house. She was hysterical (he was screaming a lot, there was a lot of cursing) and all she wanted was me, but he wasn't about to allow that to happen. If I held her hand he'd rip mine away, I was holding her at one point and he pulled her out of my arms. He told her that mommy did a really bad thing...mommy tried to find you a new daddy etc. Finally I called my dad who said he was coming over. I waited until he was close to tell H that he was on his way, to which he responded, you've really messed up now. If you don't call him and tell him that everything is fine and that he can go back home, if he shows up here I'm going to kick his ass. I will murder your dad. This is all your fault etc etc. When my dad got here I met him in the driveway and gave him the short story, and he had my step mother call the police. When they came the first officer told me that if he came outside they would arrest him for public intox, but he didn't come out. (at this point he had locked himself in our bedroom with our 4 year old) After a lot of banging on the door by the officer H opened the door. I am sure he denyed up one side and down the other when he did, but apparently the officer decided that a compromise would be that I take our 4 year old for the night to my dad's but our 6 year old stays (as she somehow managed to sleep through all this). I felt a lot like I was in the parable where the guy offers to cut the baby in half so each woman would get a half, but the real mother says just let her have the baby. After I had consented to the officers compromise I changed my mind and said I wanted to take both girls, they basically said no, and that they couldn't remove my other daughter from H's custody because he didn't seem so drunk that he wouldn't be able to take care of himself or our daughter. (He's a talker, it's his job, he makes his living being able to talk to people in any situation, so I am not surprised by this) I basically had no choice but to leave with the youngest. As soon as it was a reasonable hour I came back to the house alone, intent on retrieving our older daughter, H was not really remorseful at all for his behavior. I had hoped that he would be out cold and I could just take the 6 year old, but he wasn't, and it took a lot of convincing but he relented and the girls and I both returned home around 2pm today. A different man was here, apologetic and loving. (typical abuser?) I was exhausted (naturally) and the four of us laid down to watch a movie and I fell asleep almost immediately and when I awoke I had a terrible migraine (which now makes me wonder if I may have PTSD from all this bull****). I guess my question is - did I have more rights that I wasn't allowed to exercise last night? I feel short changed by law enforcement who acted like they were dealing with a whiny wife in a good neighborhood and had more important things to deal with. They mentioned more than once that it's Saturday night and things are starting to get busy and they had very little inclination to be there any longer. I'm going to have to come back to edit this, he's coming... Edited October 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6
Scott68 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You had the right to not have an affair, you had the right to leave before cheating, and now you have the right to start a life with the dude you blew your family up for.
kady Posted July 19, 2012 Posted July 19, 2012 You had the right to not have an affair, you had the right to leave before cheating, and now you have the right to start a life with the dude you blew your family up for. Um, holy crap. Because she had an affair, her H has the right to be an abusive, disusting pig? Um, no. I'm appalled. As for the law, I really don't know. I, too, am in Iowa but have no knowledge of what else you could have done. Hang in there.
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