Svetik Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I fell in love with this guy in college, and it seemed that he also liked me, but both of us were shy and none of us made the first move. But then he was drafted to the army (it was common in our country to be drafted for 2 years), and I couldn't bear not seeing him anymore and couldn't get him out of my mind, so I wrote a letter to him asking if he remembered me. He responded that he remembers me VERY well and we started exchanging letters. After six months or so he invited me to come to the town near which he was stationed for my school vacation. He came there to see me, we spent a day together, which ended in kissing and a lot of promises about "love forever". There was a lot of sexual chemistry between us and I could feel that he was really into me also... Then we met again, there was a lot of physical contact again, and he asked me if I would have sex with him, but I was 18 and not ready. It's not that I didn't want it, but I never knew what it was and I just freaked out and said "no". When I came home I wrote him a letter, which I should not have written, but basically it was how I was raised that made me write that letter. My parents were very strict and alwaya spoke about sex at home as if it was "dirty" to have it before marriage... And I wrote to him that I am not an "easy woman" as he thinks I am, and can't have sex with him in a hotel in the town where the army is stationed. I was only 18 at the time and really loved him, but just wasn't ready for sex on a 2nd date. He stopped responding after that letter, but then several months later wrote to me saying how deeply hurt he was with my letter, that he always wished the best for me and never considered me "easy woman" and that this letter was the last one. He never responded to any of my apologies after that, although I wrote many. Time has passed and I when he came back from the army I saw him, but was too proud to talk to him, although he tried once, but I walked away. Then he dropped out of college and I heard from mutual friends that he appeared hurt when my name came up in conversations. I married my husband and emigrated to US. My husband really loved me and cared about me, but there was never as much passion and chemistry between us as it was with that other guy. But he never seemed to care what I felt towards him and actually loved to chase me and win me over... Overall we were happy together and stayed together for 20 years. He is good father to our beautiful kids. 20 years later I saw that ex-boyfriend's profile on the FB site and wrote to him, mostly out of curiosity. I heard from friends that his mother died from cancer, his business went bad and his wife left him for another man and that him and his wife never had their own children, but he raised her daughter. When I heard the story about his mom I started crying and cried for 2 hours. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I cared... I only met his mom once at my friend's house before moving to US, and I had a feeling that she wanted to arrange for me and him meet, she even called me on the phone once to ask something unimportant. So, that guy responded to me saying that he saw my pics and that I look great, my kids are beautiful and he hopes that I am happy in life. He befriended me on FB and "liked" some of my posts, but never pictures... We also once had a lenghthy conversation in which he complained about his wife leaving him, told me that he lives alone, was very kind to me and I felt that he was missing me and liked me, although it seemed very silly, because he hasn't seen me for 20 years and lives overseas from me. He also wished me happy birthday and it was a very thoughtful wish... The one I haven't received in a loong time from anyone... But then it appeared that he lost interest... He still responds to my birthday wishes and short messages, but it takes him time to respond and I try not to annoy him. He said that he is busy at work and that's why he doesn't have time for FB. He stopped "liking" my posts. I want to be friends with him and I don't get it... Was he just talking to me, because he was sad after his divorce, but once he is fine he doesn't care anymore? Also, I can't look at his pictures. I still feel that I still love him, which is the strangest thing on earth. He now has grey hair and gained weight, but I still fantasize about him when I see his pics. I don't care about any other men in my real life, but I do care about this virtual ghost... I feel miserable and it's bad for my marriage also... Was someone ever in similar situation? Am I crazy? I don't understand how this guy feels about me. I want him to like me, although I understand that it's crazy and unreal. And I don't know what to do with my life... I was never able to forget him...
rAFC Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I think that this guy is just a fantasy for you. You never spent enough time with him to fully get to know him, so you imagined him to be everything that you ever wanted and especially everything that your husband is not. I also think that if you were to leave your husband for this man, the fantasy would quickly disappear into the reality that he can't possibly be everything that you dream he is.
Author Svetik Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Hi, Thanks for the reply! I also considered the possibility that he is just a fantasy. He was certainly my "first love" and I understand why some people don't like to reunite with their "first loves", because the sweet memories will be spoiled... I just don't get it why when I look at his pictures I still feel a lot. And when I saw his profile on FB I was overwhelmed and cried, cried and cried, although I thought before that I totally forgot him... And I saw pictures of other guys I had crushes on before (in high school, etc.) and didn't care at all about them. And although I never cheated on my husband, I fell for several guys during our marriage. But I don't even have the slightest desire to meet them or see them again. And here is the freakiest thing. I think that I am very realistic person and I am not into any of the crazy "karma" stuff and I don't believe in strange coincidences. But when I first saw his FB profile it was in the same month he broke up with his wife. And I didn't know about his divorce then, I just decided to google him for the first time in many years.
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