dancingwillow Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I am a female in my early 40s (divorced) who has a situation with a female friend (she's early 40s, same profession, is married with stepkids and a sh*tload of drama in her marriage). Initially when we met through a community group I found her to be rather upfront with all of the drama in her personal life, even going so far as to tell me that she attended weekly therapy along with marriage counselling but chalked it up to her just being someone who is very upfront. As the months passed I become painfully tired of her phoning me to talk non-stop for 15-20 minutes straight, giving me play by play details of the drama in her marriage, drama with husband's ex wife, drama with her stepdaughters, bla bla bla. It became apparent to me that she actually thrived on chaos and drama. It seemed apparent to me that she was constantly trying to start fights with her poor husband over the most insane and mundane and inane things, almost as if she thrived on fighting. So dramatic. I'd been dealing with my own major personal matters and found that after a conversation with her I felt awful. So much negativity. She's the kind of person who can't just summarize things; she has to repeat things, go into minute by minute detail to the point where my brain was numb from listening to it all. On one occasion she texted me to tell me that she was a mess because her and hubby were fighting, so much so that he had moved down into the basement of their home and she was so distraught, had spent the past 3 days curled up in bed crying. OMG, what a ****ing drama queen. I didn't even know how to respond because I personally think this happens sometimes in a marriage where one person needs their space, plus I think she's a raging drama queen who probably drove the poor guy down there. I had nothing to respond with. After a couple of weeks of me distancing myself, I receive this big long corny letter from her about how she misses our friendship and how she just wants me to know how much she enjoyed our friendship and she just needed some 'closure' if I no longer wanted to be friends, bla bla bla. I rolled my eyes as I read it. FFS, it was like the kind of sappy letter some desperate woman would send a guy who was no longer interested in her only she couldn't take the hint. *eye roll* I should mention, prior to this she was the kind of person who would phone me constantly, like 6 times in a row...even though she'd leave me a voicemail the first call. If I didn't answer, she'd then call my cell. Then she'd call my home #, leaving a v/m msg each time. this pissed me off supremely. Leave one ****ing message and if I don't answer I'm either busy or I don't feel like talking, good lord! She became very needy, would leave me frantic voicemails asking me to call her back ASAP as she wanted to go buy some furniture and wanted me to meet her at the store so I could help her get a good price for it. Once she called and left me a frantic voicemail asking if I could quickly meet her at her Vet clinic as she was taking her cat there and because I know so much about cats/cat health, I could help talk to the Vet. WTF? Now yesterday, after me again distancing myself from her because I'm sick of the drama and her having nothing to talk about other than her drama, she phones me on her cell. I ignore the call as I'm busy. She calls again. Then 2 minutes later she shows up on my ****ing doorstep ringing my doorbell. She must have stood there for 10 minutes...then she starts to knock. This infuriated me. If I am not answering my phone, I am busy or hell, maybe I'm not home? She then, about 30 minutes later sends me another lame and sappy letter about how she knows I don't like people just dropping over unannounced by she called beforehand then stopped by and she's starting to "take it personally" and how she's treasured our friendship and she misses me and thinks of me often and she just wants to have some closure if I dont' want to continue the friendship bla bla bla. CRAZY!!! If her own therapists can't help her sort out the drama (one even told her not to bother coming back because after 2 years of marriage counselling she seems hellbent on keeping the drama going in her marriage), I am not about try. Again, I have my own major issues going on in life (that she's aware of) and I shouldn't have to tell a 42 yr old woman to stop being so dramatic, stop stalking me, stop harassing me, stop being so needy, stop telling me every damn dramatic detail of your personal life. She's the kind of person that if I was to tell her how I felt, she'd be so hurt and I'd then likely receive an email about how sick she is about what I wrote and how she's been curled up in the fetal position for days because she's felt so bad. I don't need that **** so I just ignore. Thoughts? thx.
venusianx13 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 She's called an emotional vampire and it's best to keep your distance. Do not engage her, look for a quiet way out. If she continues to harass you, DO NOT respond. I knew someone very much like this woman you speak of, and I made the mistake of responding to her craziness... I would have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd just deleted, ignored, and blocked her from contacting me.
CarrieT Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Have you thought of being honest with her about why you distanced yourself? The ignoring is one thing, but she asked for closure = why don't you give it?
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