ech Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 My bf of 10 months takes Viagra (he's 35). He has had tests done and they cannot find anything wrong. He cannot "get" an erection (maybe happened once) during foreplay or he cannot have sex without the viagra. So we have to wait a few hours for it to kick in. And then even sometimes when he takes it, he loses his erection during sex. I had a very hard time (still do) dealing with this. I felt it was me, maybe he wasnt attracted to me. But He assures me its not me. I have a perfect body he says ect... I know he loves me and I love him, its just hard to not feel like its me. He said it is probably anxiety, thats why he takes it. But you would think that would have passed my now and he would be comfortable. Anybody out there going through this or similar?
mesmerized Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 that would be really tough for me I admit. One of the fun things when it comes to men is how nice and easy they get hard, I love it. I think it'd take the fun out of it if I had to "wait" hours for it to happen.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 That's your own insecurity...trust me, the majority of men out there are not even remotely as picky as you think they are when it comes to sex, they'd get a hard-on for a tree with a sappy wet spot If It looked right. So I'm sure this has nothing to do with you and everything that has to do with him even though I have no experience in that. If there's nothing wrong medically then it's likely psychological I would imagine, could be anxiety...has he taken any medication for anxiety? maybe that will calm him down, maybe his anxiety gives him insecurity and makes him over-think it too much. However with viagra, that turns old men into stallions I hear and average men in the sack into supermen (at least in terms of stamina) so I don't think it has anything to do with his body chemistry or whatever you would refer to it as, I can't think of it. Don't take it personal, just be supportive and realize that this is his problem and has nothing to do with you...this is just something that you have to work through, maybe he needs more time, maybe he has other serious issues that need a therapists assistance with...I really don't know, it seems like whatever your boyfriends has is very specific to his issues/problems and would need to be evaluated by the right professional. You thinking and acting like this is something normal or just you is just highly unrealistic, even men who wouldn't be sexually attracted to a woman would be able to psyche themselves out to having sex with someone, and being that this is your own bf, I don't see how you could possibly see you being the reason...just your own insecurity.
mortensorchid Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I heard something years ago about said problem. In the days before VIagra and the like, there was a test you could do to see if the problem was something physical or psychological. A man would stick some stamps on him, then go to sleep. During a regular night's sleep, a man tends to experience 4-6 errections (completely unconciously). The next morning, if the seal on the stamps were broken then it was concluded that the man's problem was psychological, if unbroken then it was physical. However, since he is taking these drugs already, have you considered another possibility? Does he drink, smoke and/or use drugs a lot? That plays a role as well despite taking something like Viagra. I was with one who was a heavy drinker, he had the same issues that you are describing. But I was with another a few years ago that was not a heavy drinker, did not smoke cigarettes but some pot every once in a while, and he took those drugs. Hey, we all get old and for guys this is something.
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Yeah, suggest that his urologist schedule an in-patient sleep study for nocturnal erections to rule out physiological issues. IMO, it's best to take these things one step at a time and not presume anything. No personal issues here yet and at 53 I'm knocking on wood , but some close male friends have and they are due to, variously, hypertension, diabetes and BPH and/or the meds rx'd therefore.
Author ech Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks everyone- you do make some great points. As far as his "stamina", he is still does not last that long even when taking it. Its about 3 to 5 minutes.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 ..when it comes to sex, they'd get a hard-on for a tree with a sappy wet spot If It looked right..... You too? To the OP, sorry you're having to experience this. If he just never gets hard it's not you. It's him. What it is I can't say. Even if her were gay I should think somewhere along the line it would respond to being fondled and whatnot. But I don't know--I'm straight, over 50 and don't have erection issues. I HAVE tried the ED meds because urologists seem to think that's what you must be there for and give out free samples like candy. There has to be more info in his head for you to go on. I think it's your right to ask.
ThaWholigan Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 It is likely stress and anxiety. I've noted that my erections were smaller when I was anxious or nervous. Blood will find it difficult to flow towards the penis when you're like that. Likely diet can also cause problems. He should eat foods that can stimulate blood flow and increase testosterone if that's the case. 1
It's Just Me Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I once dated a guy who, when we got to THAT point, admitted that he has never been able to have an erection. ME: Um, never ever ever? HIM: No, only the odd time when I'm alone, but it's rare. ME: Have you not considered seeing a doctor about this? Are you not worried? HIM: I don't like doctors. ME: Well, I can't be a sexual vegetarian. I like my meat and sausage. And if you're unwilling to do anything about it, I'm done. HIM: I know. I've heard this many times before. WTF? God bless online dating, and the stories I've gotten to share. Back on topic for the OP, his issue is likely emotional. Viagra helps with wonky mechanics, not wonky emotions. A doctor's visit is in order - assuming, of course, that he's okay with trying to figure out the problem.
Author ech Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 We live together, but before we did he would look at porn and get off. Without taking a pill. So I figured if he gets hard and gets off by porn then why not me?
ascendotum Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 We live together, but before we did he would look at porn and get off. Without taking a pill. So I figured if he gets hard and gets off by porn then why not me? I thought you got some good responses here and I agreed with NPs mostly. This post puts a slightly different slant on it. How do you know this? Did he tell you this or did you witness it, because I was going to suggest you get naked and put a hardcore porno dvd on and see what happens. I wonder if he is still secretly jacking off to it...even though I still thought viagra would not fade so quickly. Anxiety can definitely play a part in erection troubles, but I would have thought it would have subsided by now or else the viagra would give him the physiological security he needed to overcome it, unless he is picking up on your displeasure with him. He could also be on another med that is effecting his ability like a SSRI. I'm surprised he does not last long even when on viagra...somethings wrong and its not you, if viagra fades so quickly. There are a couple of different ED meds out there and I've heard that some work better for different guys for whatever the reason, so your bf definitely should try another one. ED difficulties are not so straight forward sometimes. Its not like a urologist can have all the answers. There is hormones + neurotransmitters involved. There are class action lawsuits going on at the moment for the makers of hair loss drug propecia because it screwed up the libido + erection ability of many users, in a lot of cases permanently, but even worlds best specialists can't determine why for sure (receptors in the brain were altered is best guess). [it's Just Me] - that guy you dated, thats just sooo weird. What a stubborn dickhead!
paperboy48 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm surprised he does not last long even when on viagra...somethings wrong and its not you, if viagra fades so quickly. There are a couple of different ED meds out there and I've heard that some work better for different guys for whatever the reason, so your bf definitely should try another one. Or a higher dose of Viagara. 100mg is the highest....
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Nah. He likes some sex that he's scared you might not be into. Could be he wants to dress you like Lil' Bo Peep. Could be he's into S&M. Could be as simple as he wants to bump that azz and you prefer missionary. Don't be afraid to be "freaky". And it could be you just have low sexual chemistry. That happens.
fucpcg Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 You have some good feedback so far, and yes a urologist does have a machine he can send home with you to measure his erections during the night, and that will tell 100% if physical or mental. OR just skip the nonsense and take the myriad of drugs now available for sex. Viagara is just one option, and one option that can be combined. If you want specific info on what he should take, and dosing, and other bits and pieces, PM me.
Author ech Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 lol nope I tried to get him into some kinky stuff- he wont. I was into bondage and all that before I met him.
StrangeBehaviors Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 lol nope I tried to get him into some kinky stuff- he wont. I was into bondage and all that before I met him. If you were near, I might have a cure.
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