Learning Where I Stand With a Friend turned Romantic Interest - Insight Needed!

[Scncrash]

First post! I'll try to make it thorough. Hopefully not too long a read, but this has been bothering me for a while now. I want to get it off my chest. I know I'm extremely analytical about relationships, but I do my best to not come across as clingy.

 

I'm a 21 year old male who met a 19 year old female about 10-11 months ago at a friend's birthday party. We hit it off fairly well, but I knew she had a boyfriend at the time. She added me on facebook the next day, and about 3 weeks later started messaging me to continue our talk about movies, music, video games etc. She and I got quite close through online chats and text messages over the winter, and while I wasn't romantically interested in her at the time I knew she was a special woman. I knew her boyfriend was an extremely jealous and manipulative guy, so when she would ask me to hang out in person I would decline.

 

Fast forward to June, her rocky 2ish year relationship with this guy ended and all at once I became quite aware that I was becoming romantically interested in her. At this point I started to pull away somewhat. I was angry with myself for letting feelings develop in such a ****ty circumstance, and I was under the impression she wouldn't reciprocate if she knew. Surprisingly, through a mutual friend of this girl and my sister, I was let known that she liked me a lot. I started hanging out with her in person, and one of our first meetups was a quasi-double movie date at her house with her bestfriend and bestfriend's boyfriend. From there I asked her out to a movie (not quite a date), and we started to get to know one another on a more personal level. A few days later she came over to my house after a night out with her friends and stayed over.

 

We didn't have sex (she seemed quite willing, but it felt far too rushed to me considering her recent breakup) but made out and fooled around a little bit. While we cuddled I brought up that I liked her and that I wasn't sure how to proceed. I told her that taking things slow seemed smart. She admitted to liking me too which I felt awesome about.

 

Her best friend has also mentioned to me that she thinks we have good chemistry, and that this girl has been interested in me. She wants us to end up together. However, she suggested that this girl is likely not looking for anything serious quite yet as she's only been single for about 6 weeks.

 

Since that night about 2 weeks ago, we've gotten together a couple of times a week. However, I feel like I broke a big "dating" rule by bringing up our relationship just a few days after she slept over. I drove her home after taking her to a movie / hanging out at my house, and I really wanted to kiss her goodnight. However, she was quite preocupied with dealing with a friend who was drunkenly lost across town and desperately needed help.

 

Before she got out of the car, I clumsily told her that although I wasn't entirely sure what was going through her head, I really enjoyed our times together and wanted to keep taking her out. I re-mentioned that I didn't know if she was comfortable yet progressing what we had further. I don't remember exactly what her response at the time was since I was kind of flustered at tripping over my words, but she basically said we would take things slow. I felt I needed to tell her this because she was planning on leaving with her girlfriends to go on a roadtrip a few days later.

 

Once I returned home, I sent her a quick text in clarification. Just letting her know I wasn't trying to be dramatic and that I just wanted to be open and on the same page. At this point it was quite late and she said we'd talk the next day.

 

She texted me in the early afternoon asking if I'd ever had a serious relationship before (I haven't had anything over 4 months), and I explained that I'd never met anyone I was super interested in and with my school and work schedules it had been difficult to make the effort at the time. She then wrote to me "We're going to get to know each other better before we jump in to anything. I've heard you've been sort of confused about this, but lets keep it between us. We're going to take things slow." (I'm assuming here that my sister has been doing a little gossiping and it got back to this girl).

 

I'm still not sure what to make of this message even a week later. Part of me wants to take it at face value that she's actually interested in me, and part of me feels that it's the dreaded friendzone.

 

She's still initiated phone calls and texts with me every day, and a few days after our chat she invited me to her house after work (11PMish). She'd had a few drinks with friends, but left the party to meet me. We drove around the town a bit, joked around and ate some food. She told me she wanted to do a roadtrip with me to my family's place downstate in California. Eventually we met up with her girlfriends and hung out for another hour or so. They made a few jokes about the two of us dating, and overall we had an enjoyable time. Eventually her friends fell asleep on her couch and I got up to drive home. Unfortunately, instead of kissing her goodnight here I pulled her in for a close hug and she thanked me for coming to see her. I wasn't confident enough to kiss her given that she wanted to take it slow. I felt that she would be the one to initiate when/if she was ready.

 

She texted me once I got home saying goodnight and that she liked me, and again the next day saying that she wanted to see me (while she was a bit more sober) before she left for her roadtrip. I dropped in where she was eating lunch with her friends for about 20 minutes and wished them a good time. We continued texting until late that evening, a bit of flirting and joking around. I wasn't expecting her to leave her phone on while roaming, so I wished her a safe trip again. She left her phone on the entire trip and still messaged me a ton.

 

She got home about 5 days ago and she came over the night after driving home. We watched a show and got cuddley again, but when the time came where I would normally escalate the situation I balked. She seemed somewhat distant. I still wanted her to initiate.

 

Last night she came over for a big dinner that my family and some friends were putting on at my house. She seemed to really enjoy herself and meeting more of my family. Some of my parents friends put us on the spot and mentioned how strong our chemistry seemed and that we made a cute couple. We had a bit of a laugh and continued to enjoy the evening. Eventually the two of us left the main group to watch a show. 2AM rolled around and she got ready to go home. Unfortunately due to the large group of people in my appartment we hadn't had much of a chance to spend much time being "coupley". Again I balked at kissing her goodnight even though I stalled for time. She mentioned wanting to see a movie later this week, gave me a hug, and left.

 

We have plans to go out on a bit of a lake boat daytrip with her best friend later this week.

 

 

My question to you readers is this.

 

Am I wrong to be waiting for her to initiate? Am I being friendzoned or used? Am I boring her?

 

I'm clearly quite in to her. It's rare for me to feel this strong of a connection, so I'd really like for this to evolve in to something for the long term.

 

What advice would you offer me?

 

..Wow this got long

Edited July 15, 2012 by Scncrash

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

IMO, any departure from your usual and customary relationship style, if healthy in the past, is unhealthy.

 

My advice would be to be less concerned about her healing and more about what you want and how you feel. This is not to say be unconcerned, but rather to balance the dynamics differently.

 

If you want to kiss her, kiss her. If you want to touch her in a sexual way, do that. Be authentic. If she declines your advances, that's an answer. If you continue along your current path, I'm afraid you're in for a mind-fµck, not unlike a woman being used for sex by a man who is fresh out of a relationship. He's just getting his base needs met. That's what she's doing with you right now, with your apparent full agreement.

 

Continue to meet and pursue other women of interest. That's a healthy balance to focusing too much on this one interaction at your age.