whoknows11 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Has anyone actually heard from or gotten back with an ex after they said they need space?
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I haven't experienced it personally in any of my LTR's or M, but I do know of friends who were separated from and did reconcile with their spouses after period of time, generally months, of separation. To the extent that space allows clarity to be achieved, the results can go either way. I would say, for someone who 'needs' or strongly desires constant companionship, the likelihood of a successful reconciliation after time for 'space' will be low, as they would be seeking out or actualizing another person to provide that companionship. Such a person I would view as being 'gone' the moment they indicated they needed 'space'. Every situation is different.
Gulf-Delta Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 No one can say for sure. There are as many cases of reconciliation as not. This is because every couple, and person is different. Giving space has two results, both beneficial. 1) They could realize what they lost, and come back or 2) you'll get over them
Author whoknows11 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thank you carhill, its just been hard to cope with it. Its like someone close to me died. If she does something with someone else or ends up with someone else ill feel so much worse. Gulf, i really hope its 1. It hurts not hearing from her. Im trying to respect it and give her space. But it seems like itll be a miracle if i heard from her.
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'll offer that, having been through the grief process and reflecting upon it, what I grieved most was the death of the marriage itself and who I was when I loved my then wife. Having concurrently been through the actual death of a loved one, it was easy to compare the processes. The largest difference is that, cognitively and emotionally, I recognize the unhealthiness of the M and the reasons for its end, versus the abject abyss of the death of a loved one who never gave me any reason to consider negatively nor doubt their love and devotion. I found acceptance of the end of the M to be more easily achieved and with fewer lingering long-term effects. Best wishes to you in your journey, wherever it ends.
Author whoknows11 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I'll offer that, having been through the grief process and reflecting upon it, what I grieved most was the death of the marriage itself and who I was when I loved my then wife. Having concurrently been through the actual death of a loved one, it was easy to compare the processes. The largest difference is that, cognitively and emotionally, I recognize the unhealthiness of the M and the reasons for its end, versus the abject abyss of the death of a loved one who never gave me any reason to consider negatively nor doubt their love and devotion. I found acceptance of the end of the M to be more easily achieved and with fewer lingering long-term effects. Best wishes to you in your journey, wherever it ends. Thank you. I wish it ended with hearing from her or being with her. Ive never felt this alone and hurt before. Like im being tourchured. And ive been in relationships longer than this one. I dont get it.
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 No rhyme nor reason, IME. You feel what you feel when you feel it. Each point of life is discrete. Clarity and acceptance will come, one way or another.
Author whoknows11 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 No rhyme nor reason, IME. You feel what you feel when you feel it. Each point of life is discrete. Clarity and acceptance will come, one way or another. Yeah i really dont know what to do. I just always have hopes that my phone would go off and itd be her. But it never happens. Idk why i just cant let it be. I just have the urge to contact her. Like im having withdrawl from a drug.
rAFC Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Like im having withdrawl from a drug. You are having withdrawal from a drug. "Love" is a chemical reaction in your brain and when it ends, we go through withdrawal. The good news is that just like a drug, given enough time and patience, the withdrawal will subside and a new life and clarity will replace the pain you are now feeling. Space always works in that it starts the withdrawal process. It helps you get over the "love" addiction. As for bringing them back, more often than not they never come back. How you feel about that depends entirely on you and your thought process. If you focus on how terrible it is, start thinking that you'll never find someone else or worry about what she is up to you will make things a lot more difficult than they need to be. If you focus on what good can come from this, like you meeting someone better, or how now you have time to focus on hobbies, you will heal much more quickly.
Author whoknows11 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 You are having withdrawal from a drug. "Love" is a chemical reaction in your brain and when it ends, we go through withdrawal. The good news is that just like a drug, given enough time and patience, the withdrawal will subside and a new life and clarity will replace the pain you are now feeling. Space always works in that it starts the withdrawal process. It helps you get over the "love" addiction. As for bringing them back, more often than not they never come back. How you feel about that depends entirely on you and your thought process. If you focus on how terrible it is, start thinking that you'll never find someone else or worry about what she is up to you will make things a lot more difficult than they need to be. If you focus on what good can come from this, like you meeting someone better, or how now you have time to focus on hobbies, you will heal much more quickly. I can feel it. Its like i really am addicted. I wish its just fade cause not hearing from her is tearing me apart. My phone hasnt went off at all in the past couple days. I dont really have much friends anymore and the ones i do have are busy so i dont hear from them. I just miss her so much. I cant take this space thing. I feel like in panicking.
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