JHparkes Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Ok so have been seeing a guy for a month or so. We have been seeing quite a bit of each other - four times a week on average. Anyways, so every weekend he has his daughter Friday through till Sunday. Yesterday he text me and said "what are you up to tomorrow afternoon? Do you fancy meeting up with me and Katie? I have to go to my brother's in the morning but later on in the afternoon" I replied saying sure that wouuld be nice and we could all go to the park. Today we are messaging back and forth and nothing is mentioned about the afternoon. I finally (about 3 pm) send a message saying "what is happening today as I have chance to go out with my sister?" to which he replies "Go with your sister then as I am still at my brother's house. Come over later to mine if you want and we can nip and see my sister." so bearing in mind I have sat about and waited all afternoon for him to say this. I then replied "No it's ok I have plans for later" and he replied "oh i will do my ironing then. what plans have you got for tonight then?" and I just said I was going to my sister's house. He then said next time I have katie we will have to plan it better!! Is it me am i pathetic but I am so p*ssed at the way I have been treated today! I feel as though he couuld have at least text/rang me earlier to say this afternoon wasn't going ahead without leaving it for me to get in touch with him to ask what is happening.. I haven't heard anything else since (two hours ago) - did I cut my nose off to spite my face or did I have a good point? He is also often late coming over.
MarlyStar Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I don't think you cut your nose off to spite your face, I think he's just careless about plans. These types of people are very frustrating. So start pinning him down. If he mentions meeting at the park, say what time? And a few hours before, send a confirmation text, are we still meeting at the park at 3? How long is he late? If it's just a few minutes, let it go. If it's a half hour or more, start not being there. Let him show up and you've gone on without him. It's only a month old relationship, this is something to get straightened out now.
Author JHparkes Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I don't think you cut your nose off to spite your face, I think he's just careless about plans. These types of people are very frustrating. So start pinning him down. If he mentions meeting at the park, say what time? And a few hours before, send a confirmation text, are we still meeting at the park at 3? How long is he late? If it's just a few minutes, let it go. If it's a half hour or more, start not being there. Let him show up and you've gone on without him. It's only a month old relationship, this is something to get straightened out now. Hi Marlystar, Thanks for your reply. He is always at least half an hour late. One time it was because his ex wanted his daughter's shoes back right there and then. Another time it was because she was ringing his phone on the way over to mine and he had to pull over and answer it; and another time it was because he had to iron his clothes for the next day and didn't realise until last minute. If I ask him what time he is coming over, he'll be vague and say "about 8ish" - which could mean anything from 8-30ish!!! The trouble is, he is coming over to my house when he is late so we are not actually going anywhwere for me to not be there.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Ok so have been seeing a guy for a month or so. We have been seeing quite a bit of each other - four times a week on average. Anyways, so every weekend he has his daughter Friday through till Sunday. Yesterday he text me and said "what are you up to tomorrow afternoon? Do you fancy meeting up with me and Katie? I have to go to my brother's in the morning but later on in the afternoon" I replied saying sure that wouuld be nice and we could all go to the park. Today we are messaging back and forth and nothing is mentioned about the afternoon. I finally (about 3 pm) send a message saying "what is happening today as I have chance to go out with my sister?" to which he replies "Go with your sister then as I am still at my brother's house. Come over later to mine if you want and we can nip and see my sister." so bearing in mind I have sat about and waited all afternoon for him to say this. I then replied "No it's ok I have plans for later" and he replied "oh i will do my ironing then. what plans have you got for tonight then?" and I just said I was going to my sister's house. He then said next time I have katie we will have to plan it better!! Is it me am i pathetic but I am so p*ssed at the way I have been treated today! I feel as though he couuld have at least text/rang me earlier to say this afternoon wasn't going ahead without leaving it for me to get in touch with him to ask what is happening.. I haven't heard anything else since (two hours ago) - did I cut my nose off to spite my face or did I have a good point? He is also often late coming over. Why are women always so fussy? Not too many men are going to put up with this kind of behavior.
Author JHparkes Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Why are women always so fussy? Not too many men are going to put up with this kind of behavior. Why is it fussy? we had plans and he just f*cked me around and basically said come over later instead.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Why is it fussy? we had plans and he just f*cked me around and basically said come over later instead. So, go over later. At least he didn't stand you up on the corner over by a local Pathmark.
Author JHparkes Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 ohh **** so I have overreacted then basically? Great!
Shaun-Dro Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 ohh **** so I have overreacted then basically? Great! Yea, you did. Now cut it out, seriously. Don't be a baby about this. Go on over his place and have a good time. Life is too short for these headaches okay?
Author JHparkes Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Yea, you did. Now cut it out, seriously. Don't be a baby about this. Go on over his place and have a good time. Life is too short for these headaches okay? I can't :-( I have basically said I am doing something else and it's now 9.23 pm.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I can't :-( I have basically said I am doing something else and it's now 9.23 pm. Well then, get back in touch with him and reschedule. But serious about it when you do. No nonsense or being fickle. Men hate that. If he's any kind of a man interested in a good time, he'll respond to you.
cheshire_cat Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 This reply might be a little late, but in the grand scheme of things this is not that big of a deal. Yeah, he was up in the air about what you guys were or were not going to do. If it was that big of a deal you should have tried to secure plans earlier in the day. Seems to me like he was thowing out a "possible" idea but nothing was definite. His day with his brother ran over...it happens. My boyfriend is the same way and took me a while to realize that is just his personality. He will mention something, then something else will come up, the plans will change or he is always at least 30 minutes late. He's that way with everyone...not just me. If your boyfriend is like this with all family/friends then it's just a quirk that you either deal with or you don't.
skyisfalling Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 im going to have to disagree with all the posters here. A man is only as good as his word. If he plans something and doesn't follow through that should be a red flag.. maybe not a major red flag but it is an indication of how he is. Remember to judge a man by his actions and not by his words. If he couldn't make it, its COMMON COURTESY to let the other person know what is going on.. if i were you id start dating around and looking elsewhere. Id start checking out.
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 im going to have to disagree with all the posters here. A man is only as good as his word. If he plans something and doesn't follow through that should be a red flag.. maybe not a major red flag but it is an indication of how he is. Remember to judge a man by his actions and not by his words. If he couldn't make it, its COMMON COURTESY to let the other person know what is going on.. if i were you id start dating around and looking elsewhere. Id start checking out. OP, I agree with the above. Except that I happen to believe it is a major red flag. He is showing you with his actions that he thinks his time is more important than yours. He has a mouth and a phone and a brain. He can communicate better and learn how to schedule and plan a bit if he wants to spend time with you. His behavior is immature and inconsiderate. Next time he says a time, ask him to pin it down. Give him 15 minutes max, then leave. If he was supposed to pick you up at home, and he's more than 15 min late, text him and tell him you have something else to do since he's so late. If he doesn't change his behavior, or checks out, then fine. Your time is just as valuable as his... doncha think? You can find another man who values it.
Author JHparkes Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Well it's gone seriously weird between us now! He didn't ask me if I was going to lunch today - we work together and he almost always asks and he has been in to chat to me but hasn't mentioned seeing me tonight either - none of this is how he usually acts. I'm gutted.
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