Phennyphen Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 One for the guys; say you start dating someone, what length of time before sleeping together would you find acceptable, that says shes not giving it up too easily but isnt stringing you along? I think about a month, depending on how things go, but I may be way off..
DonDuck Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I've never had sex. I dunno. 6-8 months to respect her wishes?
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 When there's a mutual feeling that sexual intimacy is the next step in progressing the relationship, that's the time and place for it. Each person/couple is different. My personal perspective is that I consider genital sex outside of an exclusive relationship to be casual and don't participate in that path; however, I do participate in the path of progressive and increasing sexual intimacy within the relationship dynamic. This includes consistent and progressive physical affection, talks about sex and personal likes/dislikes/preferences/fantasies, etc, along with proactive and progressive emotional intimacy. In the past, the most rapid I had experienced this was with one lover who was very open and transparent, very affectionate, loved to kiss, etc; time elapsed was around three weeks of nearly daily contact. Your path will be your own. IMO, when it feels 'right', it is. That isn't a constant, IME, but relevant to personal circumstance, time of life, and the partner in front of one. 3
Lonely Ronin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 One for the guys; say you start dating someone, what length of time before sleeping together would you find acceptable, that says shes not giving it up too easily but isnt stringing you along? I think about a month, depending on how things go, but I may be way off.. When isn't important, why is. I like being around him, I trust him, I get along with him, I'm really attracted to him, I want to. When you have checked a few whys of the list, then it's time. It doesn't matter if it's the first date, or the one year anniversary of it. If A guy truly likes you, he doesn't care when it happens. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 When you've determined a man to be trustworthy, honest, sincere and genuine and exposing personal details, not just the surface bull**** but what he's looking for and really reading between the lines and seeing where this man is and going, what he's seeking and his emotional availability. I personally find it humorous advice like Lonely Ronin's is given...not because I'm trying to insults her or anything, but because If that's the basis for her decision then any knowledgeable man could have a field day with women. If a guy is attractive, you're magically going to want to be around him and probably already thinking of having sex with him from the get-go...so that's nothing to accomplish, that's looks with a facade personality...easy in for any guy who's good-looking and somewhat personable. Trust is easily built because men often give off the impression they are trustworthy, but there's always that subtle hint of sexual attraction and undertone...the creation of unintended tension. If you're a woman that's going based on attraction and simple criteria...you're basically just rolling the dice hoping this guys going to want to be into you for more...therefore waiting a month isn't going to do you any good IF you don't know what you're looking for. Sadly women are still a world away from understanding men (honestly not that they invest a lot of time doing it, more complaining like unsuccessful men do) and men are hot on their trail getting wiser and more knowledgeable as they get older and how to seal the deal, figuring out how to get their foot in the door all the quicker. Women are just too afraid and chicken ***** of men If I'm being honest, most never seem to have the confidence and courage to challenge men..that's why they so often lose the battle and are deceived. The guy who sweeps you off your feet may not be the guy that's into you the most or you have the most chemistry and attraction with...It could very well just be aware of what he's doing and what the affect of his attraction usually has on women. I'd need to write a book on this though to be honest, there is way too much women don't know...and even the women that think they know are comically far and away from grasping it in the slightest. 2
InJest Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 If I really liked you I'd wait a month, before starting to see other women too, if I wasn't already. Most guys with options won't wait around too long. What's the point? There's plenty of attractive, professional women out there that are good catches and aren't hung up about having sex.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 If I really liked you I'd wait a month, before starting to see other women too, if I wasn't already. Most guys with options won't wait around too long. What's the point? There's plenty of attractive, professional women out there that are good catches and aren't hung up about having sex. Plus men know what's up too...you didn't make the other 10+ other guys wait (in a mans mind) now you're going to make me wait, just for sex? because now you've put a bigger price tag on the vagina when you were giving it out for practically free? most of these guys are going to be like "not going to happen...no thanks" unless of course very interested or they can tell you're actually very conservative which is rare in this day and age.
oaks Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I think about a month, depending on how things go, but I may be way off.. Yeah, maybe. I think it's right when it feels that it's right.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I personally find it humorous advice like Lonely Ronin's is given...not because I'm trying to insults her or anything, but because If that's the basis for her decision then any knowledgeable man could have a field day with women. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 You wake up on the wrong side of the bed today? Honestly, I just can perceive how that mentality is effective in gaining a committed relationship, so what am I missing here? what is your strategy for gaining commitment and what's proved effective and successful for you? I'm sure many other women would like to know If that has worked for you and I'd be interested to hear it as well.
utterer of lies Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 One for the guys; say you start dating someone, what length of time before sleeping together would you find acceptable, that says shes not giving it up too easily but isnt stringing you along? I think about a month, depending on how things go, but I may be way off.. First or second date. I'm not interested in a celibate girl or one who doesn't enjoy sex, nor in someone who tries to use withholding sex as an instrument of control.
MrCastle Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 A month is more than enough time for a grown woman to decide if she wants to have sex with me. Anything more and I'll suspect game playing and I'll cut ties. Besides, a lot of women who make men wait are lame in the sack anyway and build up the anticipation for nothing. Then go on to blame the dude for lack of sexual chemistry.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 First or second date. I'm not interested in a celibate girl or one who doesn't enjoy sex, nor in someone who tries to use withholding sex as an instrument of control. That's the real world phennyphen...that's what you're likely to see/encounter mostly along the way.
RedRobin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 OP, what are you looking for? I understand that most of the men here have assumed you are looking for a relationship or commitment... but that's not clear from your post. You will find waiting periods for sex to be all over the map. Personally, I think all you can do is make sure that whatever your experience you have is honest and sincere... with a spirit of genuine care and consideration... and take however long it takes to insure that. If you feel like you could have a positive experience on the first date, with no regrets, then go ahead. If you need longer to experience that... then wait longer. Everyone has their own level of risk taking tolerance and experience they are looking for. TBH, as I've gotten older, I've gotten rather spoiled as to what makes a positive experience for me. For me, it isn't even about avoiding getting tricked or avoiding deception... it's about avoiding being around mean, selfish... and usually... boring men.
YellowShark Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I am at this crossroads right now. Really like her, but we are several dates in now and she hasn't even reached to take my hand, or stolen a kiss. And I have done both to her, and then felt awkward afterwards. So why is she still dating me? Why so many dates and no affection? I don't want to be her "friend," I wanna be her partner, and lover. Anyhow, pretty well decided last night that it's probably time for me to say goodbye to her. Gonna sit on that thought for a few days before I act. I require more emotion during the dating phase, not this platonic crap.
mesmerized Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 When you've determined a man to be trustworthy, honest, sincere and genuine and exposing personal details, not just the surface bull**** but what he's looking for and really reading between the lines and seeing where this man is and going, what he's seeking and his emotional availability. I personally find it humorous advice like Lonely Ronin's is given...not because I'm trying to insults her or anything, but because If that's the basis for her decision then any knowledgeable man could have a field day with women. If a guy is attractive, you're magically going to want to be around him and probably already thinking of having sex with him from the get-go...so that's nothing to accomplish, that's looks with a facade personality...easy in for any guy who's good-looking and somewhat personable. Trust is easily built because men often give off the impression they are trustworthy, but there's always that subtle hint of sexual attraction and undertone...the creation of unintended tension. If you're a woman that's going based on attraction and simple criteria...you're basically just rolling the dice hoping this guys going to want to be into you for more...therefore waiting a month isn't going to do you any good IF you don't know what you're looking for. Sadly women are still a world away from understanding men (honestly not that they invest a lot of time doing it, more complaining like unsuccessful men do) and men are hot on their trail getting wiser and more knowledgeable as they get older and how to seal the deal, figuring out how to get their foot in the door all the quicker. Women are just too afraid and chicken ***** of men If I'm being honest, most never seem to have the confidence and courage to challenge men..that's why they so often lose the battle and are deceived. The guy who sweeps you off your feet may not be the guy that's into you the most or you have the most chemistry and attraction with...It could very well just be aware of what he's doing and what the affect of his attraction usually has on women. I'd need to write a book on this though to be honest, there is way too much women don't know...and even the women that think they know are comically far and away from grasping it in the slightest. That's why I always take the easy route. I always assume all men I encounter are only after sex unless proved otherwise. Very rarely I've been proven otherwise lol
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Really like her, but we are several dates in now and she hasn't even reached to take my hand, or stolen a kiss. And I have done both to her, and then felt awkward afterwards. Canary, IMO. Proceed with caution. I'd be gone but I'm a changed man since my D. No time nor patience for ambiguity. YMMV.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Honestly, I just can perceive how that mentality is effective in gaining a committed relationship, so what am I missing here? what is your strategy for gaining commitment and what's proved effective and successful for you? I'm sure many other women would like to know If that has worked for you and I'd be interested to hear it as well. I originally wrote out a really long response, but I figured no one would read it, so I'll stick with the bullet points. I kind of new these early on in life, but didn't fully comprehend them. After a really rough patch (a failed relationship) I cam across them fully flushed out in a medical journal, and they completely changed how I approach relationships & life. Know who you are and what you do & don't bring to the table. Know what you require from a partner. Requirements should be behavioral traits of your partner, and they either have them or they don't. Know what you need from a partner. Needs are like Requirements, but they can be worked on & negotiated with your partner. Know what you want from a partner. Wants are things you would like from a partner, but aren't truely needed to be happy. 2
YellowShark Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Canary, IMO. Proceed with caution. I'd be gone but I'm a changed man since my D. No time nor patience for ambiguity. YMMV. The part I don't get is we met online. Had 4 dates before I even attempted to touch her. I've been kind and sensitive to her boundaries. Now, even a few dates later, (and they *are* dates, not just hanging out,) she is still quite unresponsive. I like to know the woman I am dating finds me desirable. The way women can do that is not just date me, but show affection, be romantic, pay me compliments. I do it to the women I date, and I have done this with her. Well several dates in now and she is still a blank slate unless I initiate. So I think this one may have issues that would definitely affect the physical aspect of a relationship. Smells like a red flag to me. That is why I've decided to pull the plug. But gonna sit on it for a few days just to be sure.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I like to know the woman I am dating finds me desirable. The way women can do that is not just date me, but show affection, be romantic, pay me compliments. I do it to the women I date, and I have done this with her. Well several dates in now and she is still a blank slate unless I initiate. So I think this one may have issues that would definitely affect the physical aspect of a relationship. Smells like a red flag to me. That is why I've decided to pull the plug. But gonna sit on it for a few days just to be sure. Why don't you ask her?
RedRobin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 When you've determined a man to be trustworthy, honest, sincere and genuine and exposing personal details, not just the surface bull**** but what he's looking for and really reading between the lines and seeing where this man is and going, what he's seeking and his emotional availability. I personally find it humorous advice like Lonely Ronin's is given...not because I'm trying to insults her or anything, but because If that's the basis for her decision then any knowledgeable man could have a field day with women. If a guy is attractive, you're magically going to want to be around him and probably already thinking of having sex with him from the get-go...so that's nothing to accomplish, that's looks with a facade personality...easy in for any guy who's good-looking and somewhat personable. Trust is easily built because men often give off the impression they are trustworthy, but there's always that subtle hint of sexual attraction and undertone...the creation of unintended tension. If you're a woman that's going based on attraction and simple criteria...you're basically just rolling the dice hoping this guys going to want to be into you for more...therefore waiting a month isn't going to do you any good IF you don't know what you're looking for. Sadly women are still a world away from understanding men (honestly not that they invest a lot of time doing it, more complaining like unsuccessful men do) and men are hot on their trail getting wiser and more knowledgeable as they get older and how to seal the deal, figuring out how to get their foot in the door all the quicker. Women are just too afraid and chicken ***** of men If I'm being honest, most never seem to have the confidence and courage to challenge men..that's why they so often lose the battle and are deceived. The guy who sweeps you off your feet may not be the guy that's into you the most or you have the most chemistry and attraction with...It could very well just be aware of what he's doing and what the affect of his attraction usually has on women. I'd need to write a book on this though to be honest, there is way too much women don't know...and even the women that think they know are comically far and away from grasping it in the slightest. You know, Ninja... I really like alot of your posts and advice. It has a 'tough love' flavor that appeals to me... as that tends to be my style as well. No offense though... your posts sometimes take on a bit of a self-congratulatory tone at times... with a hint of 'neener neener' underneath it like women should all be ashamed and feel responsible for what men do or don't do. I dunno. Something about it rubs me the wrong way. I think better advice would be to encourage women to stop giving a sh*t about what 'men' want (as a group) or worrying about it... and just go after what they want... with no apologies. Works for me. 2
YellowShark Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Why don't you ask her? I did.. On the last date.. I got the "I want to take it slow" line. Well slow to me is no sex... and I am cool with that. But slow is not no hand holding, compliments, kissing, or playful hugs.. especially after several dates together. I expect some romance after all. That is why I am going to bail. I need to be true to myself and I need romance if I am going to date someone.. call me crazy!
RedRobin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 ... and OP... to follow on what I said above... When you post threads asking men how long to wait for sex, it isn't that far off from a thread asking 'men' what you should wear today. It comes across as insecure. Have sex when you want. Wear what you want. Do what you want. Be accountable for the personal outcomes. If it doesn't work, try something different. 1
RedRobin Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I did.. On the last date.. I got the "I want to take it slow" line. Well slow to me is no sex... and I am cool with that. But slow is not no hand holding, compliments, kissing, or playful hugs.. especially after several dates together. I expect some romance after all. That is why I am going to bail. I need to be true to myself and I need romance if I am going to date someone.. call me crazy! I'd have a hard time being with someone without affection too. It might take me awhile to go full on with sex.... but I have to have affection and intimacy. I agree with the others that there has to be some progression...
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