ladyelegance77 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hello! As you can tell I'm new here....basically my story is this: I have been married for nearly 14 years and I asked for a divorice in May 2011, my husband and I had drifted apart for many years, he's quite controlling and I was very unhappy and didn't have the courage to stand up to him till a year or so ago. Literally days after we agreed to seperate, the stress got to me and I had a severe migraine and was in bed for the entire day, that same weekend, my ex got a girlfriend, 15 years younger, and she was someone I worked with. He says nothing happened before they got together, and him and I both met each other when we were young, 19/20. The problem is, since the seperation him and I live in the same house and we can't afford to divorce or move out till the house is sold and it's taking forever. I'm still single as I want to have my own space for a long time, and since we split we do still get on but him and his young girlfriend are still together, she doesn't work and spends all her time with him as she's 20 and still living with her mum and her mum hates her. He said to me in an argument a few weeks ago that "the reason you're still single is nobody wants you" and that still hurts now. Yeah I haven't had any interest but right now I don't want any. I have started eating more since about 6 months ago and I feel like it's all taken a toll on my health. I feel like I have no one I can relate to and I just need some positivity. I'm not the prettiest of girls, and it feels like even though I asked for the divorce, I'm being punished for it somehow. I look forward to hearing from you all and sorry if I went on too long
Yasuandio Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) First of all, you need a strategy to deflect any and all negative statements "he" is making to your face. This is, as you say, painful. No longer absorb it. Here is the technique I used like a broken record, and it stopped the comments in their tracks. Simply say in response: "Believe what you want to believe." Period. End of discussion. He is just pushing your buttions trying to get an emotional response from you (it was working, right?). Do this technique, then end the convo, move on to your own activity, and watch him crawl back to attempt to humiliate you again with another hurtful put-down. Step two. Simply state: "You have to believe what you need to believe." Period. End of second discussion. Now, once you identy his motive by continually using this response like a "broken record," you may need to leave the house to take a walk (so you can laugh your head off in private), rather than opening the fridge. Do you feel me, sister? Now do it. Yas Edited July 15, 2012 by Yasuandio
2sure Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 The best thing you can do for yourself and to shut him up are the same. Live. You have got to got to got to get some exercise...it's the best stress reliever, best feel good drug...plus you will look great. Go out with friends, if you need new ones make them. join something, anything. A community group, a volunteer organization, or a class. Those are things that people with happy lives do. When your ex says something negative about your not dating, tell him.... Being married to you bored me soooo much, I can't imagine being tied to someone again for awhile...I'm enjoying my freedom.
Author ladyelegance77 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I agree with both of you. I normally respond with an equally hurtful reply but looking back, it makes me look like I still care when all I want to do is live my own life, he moved on very quickly with his, and I want to take my time with mine. I will use those sayings on him as you suggested, and I have considered joining a class or something, thankfully I also have a full time job which does take my mind off things, and I know I shouldn't be eating so much and I need to do something about it. Thanks
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