wrong way of thinking?

[primer]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years. We both earn about the same amount of money and live separately. We each pay our own way in life. If we go on vacation, shopping, etc. we pay our own bills. If we happen to grocery shop together, we check out separately, even though I do a majority of the cooking and feed him. He only buys bread, lunch meat, and milk for himself.

 

Is it wrong of me to want nice little gifts or gestures once in a while? I often imagine how nice it would be if he would buy me a $30 necklace I am admiring or a cute shirt. I think it would show that he thinks I am special.

 

I know his financial situation and he is not poor. He has no drug problems or gambling problems.

 

(We are both in our 40s with no children.)

 

It's the thought that counts. I feel no nice gestures from him shows me his thoughts.

 

Am I thinking wrong?

[primer]

I'll quit feeding him.

 

He can fend for himself.

[carhill]

I think your wants are valid. What I'm sensing is a style difference. Usually, communication solves these differences.

 

When out shopping together prior to a typical gifting occasion, like a birthday or Christmas, as an example, ask a salesperson to try on a specific necklace in front of him. Make positive comments about it. Ask him what he thinks. Engage him.

 

Then let it go.

 

IMO, one can bend only so far. In another thread, issue was taken with my learned (from LS) assertion that we teach people how to treat us. This is a great example of loving 'training'. You want the occasional spontaneous gift. How do you 'teach' this? You could say 'honey, I'd like a heartfelt gift once in awhile'. That's one path. The action I outlined above is another path. You could give him spontaneous gifts, teaching by example. Whatever happens, status quo or change, is a choice. If he doesn't want to change, bend, compromise, adapt, whatever, that's his choice. Good luck.