commadore Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I have thought about posting my story for a while now but never did. I need a third party prespective on my current relationship because i feel i may be so lost in my own head that nothing makes sense anymore. First a little history. To start, currently im 20 and shes 18, we have been together for 1 year and 7 months. To say the least we have had a bumpy relationship. For the first couple months we were like a normal teen relationship, going out to parties together, romantic diners, really enjoying our time together. A few months in she told me she loved me, i didnt say it back, she did, i said it a week later. About 5 months in I starting flirting with a girl at my work, texting her in a way friends wouldent talk. My girlfriend found the texts eventually of course because i am an idoit, i awoke to her yelling at me to leave and i didnt. I admitted it and told her that i would break off all connections to this other girl and she took some time to think. She stayed with me but no doubt i knew she would never trust me again ( i dont blame her). We continued to date, with alot of good times actually, but we started going out alot and drinking. As time passed we were drinking during the day, every day, and arguing started alot. we would get smashed and argue about alot of things, i can remember literally 20 nights where just trying to walk home together took 3 hours because we stopped to yell at eachother. We had turned into full blown alcohalics. I had been getting and loosing jobs, getting arrested for public intoxication, and basically being a **** head. About 5 months ago i quit drinking, I have a good steady job and am on route to college, she cut down alot but it was like an up and down thing, she would not drink for a couple days, then if she got a bottle of liqour she would drink till its gone, like wake up and have shots. About a month ago I found texts on her phone of her flirting with some guy from her work. I left her house in the middle of the night and texted her its over. an hour later she showed up at my house, i took her back. A week ago, I got off work on a friday night and was going to pick her up from her friends house, I called her and knew she was wasted, It took an hour to find her because she kept saying she was all these different places and i ended up finding her on some sidestreet laying on the grass. I got out of the car and she just started yelling and screaming at me that some girl said i didnt care about her. She punched me in the face, wrestled with me, tried to jump infront of a train. I chased her around the city for 2 hours ( I wasent going to leave an 18 year old girl in the projects wasted) before calling her mother because i couldent handle this. We took her to the hospital and they took her into the pysc ward for 4 days. Im slightly autistic and she is pre desposed to scizophrenia, and has bi polar. were still together but im worn out, the past few days we have still argued but i have been trying. I have grown to love her, but the odds are just stacked against me. we spend every minute together and i havent seen my best friends in months. I day dream about my life without her and i see greatness but still sadness from missing her. I know if we break up i will be seriously sad. I may have realized the realistic solution from thinking about this cluster f**K while writing it but comments may bring a more clear solution.
madjac74 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I only read the first 3 paragraphs and I think you should end it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 As long as you stay in a relationship together It's going to remain toxic...sometimes two people just don't belong together no matter how much they love each other...there is just no way to make it work without some destructive happen and with the crap she's going through and your history, she's going to run with it...plus she'll never trust you and you'll likely not trust her. She's got to take a step back and take care of her issues and you've got to put yourself in a stable environment so she doesn't throw you off and in a downward spiral and negate all the progress you've made in your life at this point. You can't change or always help people, the best advice/support/love/care you name it...won't be enough, that's a decision people have go to make....so you holding on is only going to drag you down and really enable her to act out...she's comfortable with being this crazy with you. You've got realize that it's beyond your hands to fix someone else, you're not a god, professional, therapist, your love is not going to fix her. You're going to have to make the right decisions for her and yourself and the relatoinship, you're the one with a clearer head and mind...you've got to do the right thing...which isn't always what you want to do or the option you want to choose.
Leopard Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) Writing things out always help I don't think you need to look at the relationship. You need to look at the two of you individually. A close friend of mine, whom I love deeply, is a recovering alcoholic. I know what goes on inside a persons head and heart when it comes to drinking. The two of you will never work out. Not because you aren't meant for each other, but because both of you need to help yourselves before you can help your relationship. It would be great if you two could heal and stop drinking as a team, but it seems that you want it more than she does. I'm sorry to say, but both of you need to get better before any relationship can take place. I'm sorry, but this is from my experience of knowing an alcoholic. She would tell me stories of how she lost the love of her life because of her drinking. Don't let it get so bad that it's irreversible. Stop now, try to get better and maybe you will have a chance in the future. You are already running out of steam, and once you hit empty, there is no going back. At least if you have even a droplet left for her, something might happen in the future. Edited July 15, 2012 by Leopard
Author commadore Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks for the replies, im going to end it, its weird i have never actually felt this bad about breaking up with somone. And i know we are destructive together. Its going to be really hard to go through with this because i know shes going to talk about how she needs my support right after getting out of the hospital, she'll also cry about how im just leaving her to rott but i must remain firm. thank you
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