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Is it generally bad to appear obviously interested when interacting with a girl?

Emissary

By Emissary
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Emissary Established Member

Emissary

Posted
Posted

Mostly just background on my particular scenario, topic question is in the final paragraph.

 

There's this girl who has been a regular customer at my place for maybe a few months. I typically end up serving her during most of her visits, for the most part they have been very brief interactions. She orders her coffee, I give it to her, and she gives me this sort of blazing look each time. I can't help but think, "wow", each time she comes.

 

I've sort of had a crush on her since she first started showing up, but kept our interactions brief and professional, mainly because I couldn't picture it being reasonable to expect her to return any of my feelings. However, in the past couple of weeks, I've been making a point to talk to her, as in having actual conversations. To my astonishment, I found we actually have some legit chemistry that I'm feeling, I feel like we just sort of click together.

 

I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her name, for any other customer I could just ask as easy as that, but I seem to lose my voice if I even consider asking when she's around.

 

Anyway, I think I've started to become a bit obvious around her, and I don't even mean to do it. I wrote a "B" for beautiful on her cup a few days ago, I don't recall her reaction, though she wasn't put off, though, then again I do that with a lot of customers for laughs. Though, on Tuesday, just before my two days off, I sort of slipped and simply asked, "I'll see you on Friday then?" She said, "Oh for sure!"

 

I didn't see her on Friday morning sadly, I was looking forward to it. Though during an afternoon errand run, I saw walking among the crowd, I didn't recognize her until it was too late as she had died her hair blonde(It looks amazing). After my shift ended I found myself pacing the mall, stealing quick glances into her store, I saw her at the counter, she definitely died her hair after all. An idea sort of popped into my head that I should just go into the shop and talk to her some more.

 

I went in there with a basic plan, pretend to be looking for something, bump into her and start a basic conversation. Then I could ask her for her name and go from there, like inviting her to go out for coffee or something. I went inside, found her, opened up with a, "so you did have your hair done...". She smiled, said a few things, and to my horror all of her other co-workers suddenly were all over the place. I kind of expected it to be just her and maybe one other, but nope, there was girls everywhere.

 

I played it as cool as possible and kept talking, even involving some of the other girls there I knew. However, I kind of mucked it up because it seemed I only had eyes for her, and just brief glances for the rest. After we stopped talking, I just pretended to browse their inventory, said goodbye for the night and ran away.

 

I think they would have to be stupid to not realize why I was there. I've never set foot in their shop, then suddenly I show up, talk to only one girl despite being quite friendly with the rest of them, poked at a few t-shirts then left. I just know one of them made a comment after I left.

 

Finally, this brings me to the topic question. Is it ok to appear obvious like this? I think it would have it's advantages, such as putting us both on the same page, and possibly giving her some time to consider while things are still on the backburner. Though, I could also imagine it sort of putting a lot of girls on guard, that maybe it would hamper the natural progression of the relationship. I dunno really.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
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Too long of a post but to answer the title:

 

 

 

NO.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

Posted
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absolutely, you have to make her earn your attraction based on her personality

 

 

If she feels like you like her because of how she looks, it's dead and over. You got no chance

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
absolutely, you have to make her earn your attraction based on her personality

 

 

If she feels like you like her because of how she looks, it's dead and over. You got no chance

 

No wonder men these days are so lost when it comes to finding a good woman!

Or maybe I am the exception...

 

 

 

 

I definitely disagree with this.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted
absolutely, you have to make her earn your attraction based on her personality

 

 

If she feels like you like her because of how she looks, it's dead and over. You got no chance

 

I definitely disagree with this.

 

Just curious...what part do you disagree with...? :confused:

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

Posted
Posted

I definitely disagree with this.

 

 

Disagree with what part? What I said is very reasonable

 

 

You have to like a girl for her personality, not just jump all over her like a lap dog because you think she's cute

 

 

I'm not saying don't be nice - you definitely want to be nice - just do it because you like her as a person and not for her ass and tittays

runner Established Member

runner

Posted
Posted

no, it isn't. it's bad when you play games and act like you're too cool for school to show a girl you like her. man up and let her know. you don't need to gush your heart out or anything; that certain look will tip her off enough (well some women anyway; some require more obvious moves).

 

then ease off a bit and see if she welcomes your attention. if yes, push it forward a bit. if not, move on like it's no big deal.

miss_jaclynrae Established Member

miss_jaclynrae

Posted
Posted
Disagree with what part? What I said is very reasonable

 

 

You have to like a girl for her personality, not just jump all over her like a lap dog because you think she's cute

 

 

I'm not saying don't be nice - you definitely want to be nice - just do it because you like her as a person and not for her ass and tittays

 

Ahhhh. I took it as you saying absolutely it IS bad.

 

 

 

 

In that case, MY bad. :laugh:

counterman Established Member

counterman

Posted
Posted

I didn't read most of your post but, in my opinion, initial interest is one thing, but continual interest is another. I would be slightly interested in a girl based on the way she looks i.e. if I'm attracted. But ultimately it is her personality that will keep me interested or increase my interest. What I'm saying is, she will probably know I am slightly interested when I talk to her but she won't definitely have me. The moment a girl thinks she has you without displaying much personality is the moment you've lost her.

brahmabull117 Established Member

brahmabull117

Posted
Posted
I didn't read most of your post but, in my opinion, initial interest is one thing, but continual interest is another. I would be slightly interested in a girl based on the way she looks i.e. if I'm attracted. But ultimately it is her personality that will keep me interested or increase my interest. What I'm saying is, she will probably know I am slightly interested when I talk to her but she won't definitely have me. The moment a girl thinks she has you without displaying much personality is the moment you've lost her.

 

 

then you're good man. Show more and more interest the more you like her personality/the interaction

MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
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Well the worst that happens if you appear too interested is she gets scared off and/or rejects your advances.

 

If you don't show enough interest, she'll think you don't want her.

 

There's a delicate balance between being needy and being interested, being cool/suave and being uninterested.

 

At this point though, I'd say it's unlikely she hasn't gotten your hint yet.

 

Time to move in and get that number...and for ****'s sake; her name!

LoverOfDance Established Member

LoverOfDance

Posted
Posted
No wonder men these days are so lost when it comes to finding a good woman!

Or maybe I am the exception...

 

 

 

 

I definitely disagree with this.

 

I disagree with him as well. "You have to make her earn your attraction"? Who's chasing who? You're the one pursuing her OP so ask her out and see where it goes from there. Simple as abc.

 

There's nothing wrong with liking her just cause she's cute. That's how it starts isn't it? It always starts from physical attraction and if you guys realize you're both compatible after a few dates, it graduates and proceeds into something more. Just ask her out and don't over think it.

 

PS: who cares what her co-workers think or say? What matters is what SHE thinks. There's nothing wrong with focusing on her. You're not trying to hide your attraction. You're trying to show it so she knows you're interested.

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Emissary Established Member

Emissary

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I didn't read most of your post but, in my opinion, initial interest is one thing, but continual interest is another. I would be slightly interested in a girl based on the way she looks i.e. if I'm attracted. But ultimately it is her personality that will keep me interested or increase my interest. What I'm saying is, she will probably know I am slightly interested when I talk to her but she won't definitely have me. The moment a girl thinks she has you without displaying much personality is the moment you've lost her.

 

Well to quickly recap my post, her smile got me to start talking to her, and it was only after we started talking that I felt anything for her, like there was some chemistry going on. She's pretty good looking, at least an 8 imo, but it's always been the personality that wins me over with girls. Otherwise it's usually just, "Wow she's cute, next!" I probably wouldn't have given her a second thought if she didn't have that look she always gave me.

Edited by Emissary
USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted
absolutely, you have to make her earn your attraction based on her personality

 

 

If she feels like you like her because of how she looks, it's dead and over. You got no chance

 

What the hell ever happened to boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy goes out with girl...?

 

What is with all of this nonsense we play in our minds to try and manipulate the universe...?

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
Posted

I think you should show that you are interested, but not go out of your way to make it obvious.

 

I think when a man is interested he should also act like he also has other options available. That way a girl doesn't feel on the spot, but also knows that if she wants things to happen, the ball is in her court.

 

If the girl is obviously interested back, that's when you obviously start dating. But since you aren't sure, I don't think it's a good idea to write things on her cups. The fact that you hinted that she is beautiful and she had "no reaction" doesn't mean she didn't have a reaction. It means she didn't want to make a big deal out of it so she wouldn't lead you on or make you think she likes it so you can keep doing it.

Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
Posted
You can see this in action by lying about being in a relationship, a man already in a relationship is roughly 900% more attractive to women than one who is not.

 

I don't think men become more attractive when they are in a relationship or taken. I just think it's easier for them to get women because if he is taken, a woman doesn't feel like he is constantly chasing her or trying to get her interest. She can be more laid back and honest around him because she knows he isn't after her. That's what makes it easier for those men to get the girl.

 

If she is laid back and relaxed, as opposed to uptight and constantly thinking of ways not to lead him on/how to react, it's more likely that something will happen.

ThingsAreComplicated Established Member

ThingsAreComplicated

Posted
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it's too mechanical. You generally show genuine interest if you have it (yeah right). I never "fought" or wanted to "win" a girl (over someone else). Meet, have fun, have good conversation, come closer, get intimate and see where things are going. In a mechanical sense most women don't want to be reduced to their body BUT they also need to be desired as a woman. Otherwise things don't make sense.

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