Ponzzz Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 If you guys have been following my coping logs, I have been making tremendous steps in piecing my life back together after my ex and I's breakup(it's only been 3 weeks since BU but 7 weeks since last physical contact). I do have a few questions regarding NC though. 1) She broke up with me. Does this mean that she should be the one to break NC? 2) If I feel that I have completely moved on, is it ok for me to break NC first as the dumpee? Believe me, this is something that im just wondering about. I don't plan for either of these things to happen for quite awhile, I'm just curious to see what everyone thinks about these two issues(hopefully from personal experience).
tallydoo Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Okay, she broke up with you. Did you initiate NC, and did you do so explicitly (like saying, "I need space, please don't talk to me for a while?")
tallydoo Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Don't worry, I've got a story, too, I just want to be able to provide some advice as well
Author Ponzzz Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Yes, when she picked up her things from my apartment and we had our last conversation, I specifically stated that I needed time and that this would be the last time we talk for awhile. So now that I think about it, I guess I did initiate the NC. We did NC for a week before she picked up her stuff as well.
tallydoo Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Then yes, as long as she's respected your decision, you're the one who should break NC. My ex broke up with me, and I started NC about 2 and a half months after the breakup (we tried being friends first). I just recently broke it with a few text messages just saying, "Hey, here's this funny thing that reminded me of you. Hope you're doing well." It took a couple of attempts on my part to really open the lines of communication up, and now we're back to being friendly, if not friends (there's also a lot more complicated activity coming from him right now). If you're ready for any kind of reply from her (none, negative, positive, oh-my-gosh-i-missed-you-so-much-let's-get-back-together), then I think it's okay. It just depends on what you want from her and what you're going to get.
Author Ponzzz Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thank you for your replies! That actually gave me quite the peace of mind and was exactly what I needed to hear As stated earlier, I won't be breaking NC anytime soon and deep down I know I want her back right now. Once you become friends with an ex, does the woman really friend zone you forever? I may have revealed a little bit of insecurity about it
tallydoo Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'm not so sure about whether there's a hard and fast rule about women friend-zoning you. From a woman's perspective, this is the first ex that I've talked to post-breakup, so the other ones were just out of my life immediately, and I'm typically pretty uncomfortable talking to them if I encounter them. I'd also like to get back with my ex at some point down the line, and the way I'm approaching it right now is "friendly but not friends". Keep a little bit of distance and mystery, but not so much that you seem standoffish. It seems like it might be working right now for me? I'll let you know, but it feels like a pretty good way to keep contact but temper it for how your interactions are going and how you're feeling about it.
Author Ponzzz Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I feel almost the same way you do. Maybe one day we'll be able to resume our relationship but I have absolutely no desire to wait for it to happen. We became a significant part of each other's lives once, it will probably happen again down the line. It's nothing that I can explain, I just know it. We have the compatibility and friendship, she just lost the spark. When I can get over the spark that I have for her, I will be ready
tallydoo Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 That's great, Ponzzz. That's exactly the place I'm at right now; I think it's a pretty nice place to be, all things considered. What are you going to do now? And what have you been doing since the breakup?
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