thatgothicchick Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I've recently found myself starting to develop very strong feelings for a friend of mine...trouble is, he has a girlfriend already...however, I get very strong vibes of a mutual attraction, and all the signs that guys show when they like a girl...I've always been a very good judge of whether or not a guy likes me or not, and my heart tells me he does...and that's not just wishful thinking on my part because I like him. And let me just say, he knows that I like him, BUT, he also knows, because I adamantly told him, that I will NOT try to break them up, and that is nowhere near what my intentions are. I do NOT want to be "that girl"...and I can't stand the thought of being responsible for someone's misery in that type of situation... Anyways...so back to his girlfriend...I don't know her all that well, but I like her, and regardless of whether or not I liked her or not, I still do NOT want her to get hurt...but I've gotten hints of the relationship going through some bumps... That...and I got an anonymous letter from someone telling me that even though they are with someone, they feel a stronger connection to me, and that if they were single, they would find themselves falling in love with me... There is NO one else that feels that way about me, and it's too much of a coincidence for me to not believe it's him... Now...I'm not getting my hopes up...mainly because, again, I don't want his girlfriend to get hurt...that and I am afraid of letting myself completely trust him if he could leave her that easily for me... But all that aside...suppose it just isn't working out between them? If he's truly not happy with her, and he does decide to leave her...I'll obviously play it cool...he may not be leaving her for ME, but at the same time, I still feel like he feels for me... Anyways, I'm just asking...if this were a situation where he WAS going to leave her for me...how do I respond? What if his girlfriend was emotionally destroyed? What about her family? I don't want anyone to get hurt...I know sometimes it's not unavoidable...I've never quite been in a situation like this before...
whichwayisup Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 The best thing you can do is back off and distance yourself from him. Don't discuss this with him either.. If he lets you know how he feels directly (not through an annoymous note) then tell him you are interested but only when the time comes when he's free and single. NOT when he has a girlfriend. You don't want to be the reason why he dumps her and then runs to you. Focus on other things in your life. Other friends, family, hobbies, work, school, whatever..Keep busy and put him out of your head for a while. If you stay in the background in his life, waiting and hoping, your life gets put on hold and also you might be tempted to take things to the next level with him if he makes a move on you. Sure you can say right now "I dont wanna break them up, hurt his girlfriend" etc, so the only way you can live up to your own words is NOT to put yourself in a situation alone with him where something could happen. 3
Emme Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I want you to ask yourself a question. Depending on how much of a friend he is. Are you prepared to lose the friendship if this relationship you hope for doesn't work out? 1
Author thatgothicchick Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 "How old are you kids? This guy sounds like he's 13 years old with the anyonymous "I have a crush on you" silly little letter. Was there also an area at the bottom of the letter where you could check off that you secretly like him, too? Thanks for the stroll down Junior High lane." Thank you. I'm not a "kid", nor is this a "kid" type situation. Maybe I'm just legitimately trying to find advice and do things right here. I'm not asking to be coddled, but if you're going to be a smart ass with nothing helpful to say, then please back off.
Capris Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi thatgothicchick, Take whichwayisup advice. Keep your distance. You do not want to stay near him as you will develpo more feelings and one thing will lead to another and so on. I do NOT want to be "that girl"...and I can't stand the thought of being responsible for someone's misery in that type of situation... Just dont forget that you are also putting your life in this, its not all about him and his girlfriend. Do not forget that. If he likes you and it is meant to be, it will be, but in the right "order", with you both single before anything more happens. Take care and stay strong! Its tough! I hope you have friends close to you! You'll have alot of support in here, i can tell you that!Feel free to share your thoughts! 1
frozensprouts Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 My advice to you would be to do what makes you like the person who you see looking back at your from the mirror everyday... in other words, it doesn't sound like you want to be involved in hurting this guys girlfriend or in bringing about the end of their relationship... if that's the case, then simply don't get involved with this guy until you know for sure they are no longer together... It kind of makes me wonder about this guy that he would send you a message like that...makes me wonder about how he treats a woman he says he loves and how trustworthy he is... what do you think/ If you were seeing a guy and found out he'd done something like this, what would that tell you about him? Does that sound like someone you want to be involved with?
ac11442 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I agree with Just A Poster, sorry to say. I thought the same thing when I read that part of your post. An anonymous letter? Really? Is this how he's going to deal with future emotional issues? Maybe that is why he has a girlfriend but is trying to start something with you, too.
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