Sugarkane Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi I'm also sorry to hear what happened. It is too frustrating when you have to push and push just to get an answer. Really sounds like her loss. Philosoraptor I can lately relate to your frustrations. You think it's going ok and then they throw something at you. I really hope you don't turn into an Ahole, I'd hate to see that.
ihateslowjams Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 If you're going to break my heart you need to look me in the eyes and cut the bull****. She learned that lesson if nothing else. But I swear that this kind of **** is the reason people play games and are afraid to open up. A piece of me just wants to start being an ******* too, seems safer on the heart. looks like you and I have lots of practice we still have to do to improve our "people picker" sensors. Remember that thread I created about "not showing love?" Ive been pondering about becoming an ***hole myself, but i know i can't ever be. I just have to keep my walls up to prevent feeling what i just felt for the past month (my own BU)... I too am going to stick to who I am, but will tweak it a bit for my own protection. Thats what makes me unique and different from every other guy. To be honest, there are way too many ***holes in the city I'm in. If a girl likes that kind of drama, then good for them. I prefer a drama-free relationship with lots of trust on both ends.
todreaminblue Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 So I got dumped, hooray! Things had been going great and Thursday was pretty great so I thought. I assumed we had taken another step and were going to get closer as she told me she was starting to go crazy over me. Then Friday she skipped out on our plans and let me know at the last second. I asked her if we had plans this weekend and she said she needed to think about what she wants. We get to today and I don't really hear from her. I already knew what was going to happen. I called her later and asked her what was going on and she came to see me. She tried to give me a bunch of lines and I can happily say I called her on her bull****. My heart can get broke but I will not be disrespected. I didn't let her off easy by any means and kept asking the important questions. In the end she was flustered and lost thinking she was just going to walk off with clean hands. If you're going to break my heart you need to look me in the eyes and cut the bull****. She learned that lesson if nothing else. But I swear that this kind of **** is the reason people play games and are afraid to open up. A piece of me just wants to start being an ******* too, seems safer on the heart. sorry to hear the bubbles burst raptor....being a dick wont make you happy or not allowing your self to get close to anyone wont satisfy you either....i am glad you held your head up in defeat.....only one battle is lost.... the field can still be a win for you and i wish you the best.....deb 2
Ruby65 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you -- you give wonderful advice to people here and I was so happy for you while reading your thread in the dating section! Reading that thread reminded me so much of how it's been between me and my new bf, who is SO amazing too -- smart, funny, charming, considerate, emotionally available, generally an awesome guy.... I can't believe no one's snatched him up before me!!!! He's been very romantic and upfront about his feelings from the very beginning and it only makes me fall harder and faster because I feel exactly the same way about him. Just keep being yourself and stick to your own standards and the right girl WILL come along and she'll be SO grateful to have found you -- and so grateful you don't play games or hide your feelings from her!! It's such a special quality -- and the right girl is going to appreciate that and love you even more for it.
Els Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Sorry to hear that, OP. You're right, you really do sound like one hell of a catch, and if she doesn't appreciate that, her loss. Glad you're staying strong and handling it okay - wishing you all the best!
wilsonx Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 ACTIONS..... words actions speak louder then words You are right in your own way. What you wrote is perfectly valid, if the OP was looking for ONS, manipulating the girl into a relationship by pressing the right buttons, not showing his true self. He is looking for a LTR relationship, a partner that will eventually come to see the real 'you' which is hiding behind whatever it is you learned in PUA. So in his mind, hiding his true self is pointless, he puts it all out there. The OP is better at this dating game than you, because even though he recognizes his way is not the only way and yours is valid too, he chooses his and sticks with it, while you refuse to acknowledge the fact that yours is not the only way. Hiding is easy, deception is easy [if you read this board], we all do it every day in the PC way we act, or in the ego sparing responses we give. But the OP actually puts it up there, what you see is what you get ... it's hard to be naked to other ppl's gaze and keep your ground. Sorry it didn't work out OP. What ages were you and her ? He's not looking for a long term relationship, he's looking for a rebound. He's a nice guy. Nice guy's are just as bad manipulators as *******s. The difference is nice guys manipulate and lie to themselves instead of manipulating the other person. They try to buy love through doing nice things but end of screwing themselves in the end. Read gibson's post for proof of this concept. He doesnt put anything out there, its just a projection. Anyone that were to date a guy/girl like Philo right now in a long term relationship would get screwed in the end. They have no sense of "Self-Love" Notice how there word love wasn't posted anywhere in this thread? Haha oh man, that's funny. I'm quite happy being the person that I am and have no intent on changing. Had she shown what happened over the past few days over the course of knowing her I wouldn't have ever got invested. She seemed different thus I deemed her worth the gamble. My gamble, not yours. I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen. I'll not drag myself into games or to a lower level. If someone can't appreciate the open honesty I bring to the table they weren't worth the time anyways. I'm an individual and not to be lumped into what is expected by societal stereotypes. This post right here that so many people liked, is the biggest bunch of BS self talk manipulation on the forum. "Lets continue to lie to myself and talk out of my own ass" People read his words at face value but do not look at the actions associated with them. His words and actions do NOT MATCH up. "I am Happy being the person I am"... For me, when Im burnt out (title of thread), Im far from happy... being burnt out is being stressed "I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen" ... Really, you were projecting long term relationship in 2 months "I'll not drag myself into games or a lower level" ... You started the games the second you lied to yourself and projected a relationship on her even knowing that she flaked on you etc. There is no open honesty what soever. Honesty starts from within, and until you get to that point where you can and will trust yourself, I would stay out of the relationship world. FYI you aren't an individual. You are a wolf dressed in sheeps clothing. Your actions of putting a girl in her place as you called it after dating her for only 2 months were that of a douche.
whoknows11 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Gibson does make many points. Im learing it as well. But i see everyone talking about age here about her. So how old is she? And howd you guys meet? Your other thread didnt say much?
Radu Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Sometimes, i think Ross Jeffries did a huge diservice to malekind.
ladyabstrused Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 I'm sorry it didn't work out, Philosoraptor. Keep on going your usual ways, if she can't appreciate you for who you are, she's not worth it. I wish you good luck though.
flitzanu Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 So I got dumped, hooray! Things had been going great and Thursday was pretty great so I thought. I assumed we had taken another step and were going to get closer as she told me she was starting to go crazy over me. Then Friday she skipped out on our plans and let me know at the last second. I asked her if we had plans this weekend and she said she needed to think about what she wants. We get to today and I don't really hear from her. I already knew what was going to happen. I called her later and asked her what was going on and she came to see me. She tried to give me a bunch of lines and I can happily say I called her on her bull****. My heart can get broke but I will not be disrespected. I didn't let her off easy by any means and kept asking the important questions. In the end she was flustered and lost thinking she was just going to walk off with clean hands. If you're going to break my heart you need to look me in the eyes and cut the bull****. She learned that lesson if nothing else. But I swear that this kind of **** is the reason people play games and are afraid to open up. A piece of me just wants to start being an ******* too, seems safer on the heart. sucks dude :/ at least you knew the signs i suppose.
wilsonx Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Sometimes, i think Ross Jeffries did a huge diservice to malekind. Ross Jeffries is an air salesman. Edited July 16, 2012 by wilsonx
EgoJoe Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Another sprinkle of truth on a life sundae by Gibson.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 gibson's post wins this thread even though I haven't read it
Els Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hope you're feeling better, OP. Don't let the flamebaiters get you down - we're here to listen if you want to vent.
zengirl Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 You seem like a catch to me, OP! Sorry this one didn't work out. Sometimes people aren't honest with themselves and then really can't be honest with others, so I wouldn't be too cynical about it - yes, that avoidant behavior is bad, but you did a really good thing by calling her on that bull****, getting the info you needed, and getting a clean break. Good for you. Anyway, sorry it's a dark spot, but I know you already know that this too will pass.
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 (edited) Man what an awesome couple of weeks! Good stuff up there Gibson. I can see why I did what I did. It all comes full circle with what brought me here in the first place. My heart strings hadn't been truly played since things ended with my fiancee last year. Because of that I trusted her words more than my intuition(that has never let me down) and burned myself. It really didn't matter what I did as this was a mismatch in life mentality from the beginning and I chose to ignore it. To clear things up from the start the first post reads a lot worse than what actually happened. The conversation was quite calm and ended well (obviously a bit upset when I wrote the post but there was nothing aggressive about the conversation), I just had to pick her brain a bit as my passion has always been psychology and I'm more interested in the why than the what. I wished her the best in life and never lost my cool. We ended things on a good note and we'll see what the future holds friendship wise as I think we're both open to it. Figured I owed it to the board to share this thing all the way through though. By the next day all of the feelings of upset were gone. Still was a little heartbreak but eh, that's natural when you put yourself out there. All good now and quite a bit wiser due to the experience. Learned to always trust my instincts as they've never let me down and proved that I was right yet again. But more importantly I learned that what my heart wants is still out there. Reaffirmed to myself that there is no need to settle or play games, and putting myself out there is truly my path to happiness. I live with a no fear approach when it comes to my heart and it will always lead me. In the end you're the bait that brings people into your life. I've found that if you really want to bring the best possible matches into your life you need to be comfortable with who you are and put all of yourself out there. She was a great match for my life, but not for the role we took a shot at. I still walk around with a big smile on and these past weeks have been no different. I think it's why so many women feel comfortable approaching me. Haha had a great time at the 311 concert this weekend and had a large group of ladies calling me over and waving to me. I gave them a big smile and a wink and they squealed. As I said, an awesome couple of weeks. Edited July 31, 2012 by Philosoraptor 4
Emilia Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I've just found this thread! I realised I hadn't seen you posting for a while so I looked up your old and one found this Read most of the comments and I would say two things (I know you are still thinking about this break up): 1. Waste of time: yeah, people will do that to you. Especially at your age. So few know what they are looking for. 2. Openness: remember what I said about its being scary to people because they feel it is expected of them too? Only someone who is as balanced and pragmatic as you will be capable of it and often those are in their 30s already. You are a bit ahead of you dating pool in maturity Raptor. Curse and a blessing.
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