Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 So I got dumped, hooray! Things had been going great and Thursday was pretty great so I thought. I assumed we had taken another step and were going to get closer as she told me she was starting to go crazy over me. Then Friday she skipped out on our plans and let me know at the last second. I asked her if we had plans this weekend and she said she needed to think about what she wants. We get to today and I don't really hear from her. I already knew what was going to happen. I called her later and asked her what was going on and she came to see me. She tried to give me a bunch of lines and I can happily say I called her on her bull****. My heart can get broke but I will not be disrespected. I didn't let her off easy by any means and kept asking the important questions. In the end she was flustered and lost thinking she was just going to walk off with clean hands. If you're going to break my heart you need to look me in the eyes and cut the bull****. She learned that lesson if nothing else. But I swear that this kind of **** is the reason people play games and are afraid to open up. A piece of me just wants to start being an ******* too, seems safer on the heart. 4
Samilia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 So I got dumped, hooray! Things had been going great and Thursday was pretty great so I thought. I assumed we had taken another step and were going to get closer as she told me she was starting to go crazy over me. Then Friday she skipped out on our plans and let me know at the last second. I asked her if we had plans this weekend and she said she needed to think about what she wants. We get to today and I don't really hear from her. I already knew what was going to happen. I called her later and asked her what was going on and she came to see me. She tried to give me a bunch of lines and I can happily say I called her on her bull****. My heart can get broke but I will not be disrespected. I didn't let her off easy by any means and kept asking the important questions. In the end she was flustered and lost thinking she was just going to walk off with clean hands. If you're going to break my heart you need to look me in the eyes and cut the bull****. She learned that lesson if nothing else. But I swear that this kind of **** is the reason people play games and are afraid to open up. A piece of me just wants to start being an ******* too, seems safer on the heart. First sorry to hear that. Now, I'm going to be honest, I was laughing my *ss off while reading your post. Why? I could just picture you calling her on all her bulsh*t! She clearly didn't know what she was up against I am so glad you didn't let her walk away with "clean hands"! I hope you find someone good to you soon though 4
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Damn! This just proves that people are so unpredictable and love really is a giant risk. You seemed so happy and excited, I'm surprised it crashed this quickly. So what was the reason? She just isn't ready to open up and commit? Sigh, grab one of your friends and just do something to take your mind off it. Honestly you sound like a stand up guy who did everything right from the start.. So now you just have to get through the aftermath of her change of heart :/. Too bad we don't all live close enough to have LS parties for moments like these.. Lol.
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I was prepared as I knew it was coming. I saw the exit strategy and wasn't going to let her slip away thinking it was no big deal. I didn't beg but I did make sure she knew what she was giving up here. I'm certainly not the standard *******, I'm one hell of a catch. 5
Samilia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I was prepared as I knew it was coming. I saw the exit strategy and wasn't going to let her slip away thinking it was no big deal. I didn't beg but I did make sure she knew what she was giving up here. I'm certainly not the standard *******, I'm one hell of a catch. Her loss! Yippie to the lucky one who will finally catch you! 2
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Damn! This just proves that people are so unpredictable and love really is a giant risk. You seemed so happy and excited, I'm surprised it crashed this quickly. So what was the reason? She just isn't ready to open up and commit? Sigh, grab one of your friends and just do something to take your mind off it. Honestly you sound like a stand up guy who did everything right from the start.. So now you just have to get through the aftermath of her change of heart :/. Too bad we don't all live close enough to have LS parties for moments like these.. Lol. Yep it was pretty much even though she said she was ready for something serious she really wasn't so she says now... though she wanted to commit. She said she wasn't able to be as open as I was and wasn't sure she would ever be. I reminded her that I never asked that of her and told her I had been quite patient with her. She got more and more flustered the more I was able to point out all of the flaws in her argument. I gave respect and I damn sure am not going to get disrespected or treated like a kid during a breakup. I'm an adult and she needed to act like an adult here. I was surprised she had the balls to come do it in person so I thought it might be a different result. I honestly expected a text or some other bull****.
Samilia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Well at least you got the respect of a one on one conversation, yes. I did the same thing you did, call the ex on his bullsh*t when he tried to f*** buddy me, haven't been bothered by him since then. Ah..mazing, ty LS right?
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I'd rather have the time back than the respect. If she would have been upfront with me from the beginning I wouldn't have let myself fall for her and I certainly wouldn't have dated her long. I've never said anyone I dated was a waste of time and I've been in a really bad relationship... but this was a complete waste of time. I didn't really gain anything at all from this. So I didn't lose anything but time anyways. She lost a really good guy with a good heart who really would (and did) treat her like gold. I try to tell myself that one day someone is going to really appreciate me and all of the great things I have to offer, but it seems like I always get screwed over. 1
GLDheart Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 ...I didn't really gain anything at all from this... I can understand why you would say that. But there's a big difference between knowing you can fight and knocking "the champ" out. Look at the way you handled her BS there at the end. I'd call that a great "trial"... now you know that you can talk the talk AND walk the walk. 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) Well I already knew I could handle the BS. I learned that lesson awhile back. Break my heart, crush me into a million pieces... but I won't allow disrespect. I'd rather have the time back as I've been hit on a lot lately and I had to shrug them off because I was taken. Of course the being upset will crash soon enough. I'll enjoy the anger while I have it though. Not really angry at her though as I should have known better. Edited July 15, 2012 by Philosoraptor
Ruby Slippers Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'm sorry it didn't work out. That sucks. But don't turn bitter and go to the dark side because of her. She's not worth it. The right woman for you will appreciate all that you bring to the table. Don't deprive her or yourself of that.
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Yea, I know. No matter how burnt I get I will always be the same person inside. The only thing I could see ever changing is not allowing people in. But I guess everyone gets burnt every time they let someone in until they find and let the right person in. 4
TheFinalWord Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Yea, I know. No matter how burnt I get I will always be the same person inside. The only thing I could see ever changing is not allowing people in. But I guess everyone gets burnt every time they let someone in until they find and let the right person in. Sorry to hear about that bro. We were cheering for you. Yeah, it always stings when things don't work, especially when it comes out of left field. I don't know all the details, but she sounds like the one who isn't secure. At least you got the break up in person; I had one over a text. That was pretty low. haha but it says a lot about the person. Actually, you never know anyone until you've seen how they handle conflict. So now you know the real her "You don't truly know someone until you fight them" - Seraph, Matrix reloaded. All relationship advice is contained in that series. LOL
wilsonx Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) I dont even know where to start with this thread 1) You made plans with her knowing she was going to break up with you - Really? Nice guy 101 (Dont read advice in the dating forum). There are 2 people there that know what they are talking about, everyone else is dumb. 2) You made her come over to break up with you - Really? Why, you look like a chump to any "GUY" that reads this on the forum. Why waste time (READ #3) 3) You say you wasted time - Yup you sure did. Making this thread, making your ex come over and explain what you already know. Etc. 4) You believed what came out of her mouth -90% of what comes out of girls mouths you have to learn to ignore. It's emotions and these change EVERY SECOND. Its bull****. Watch their actions, she flaked on you, you knew it was over, yet you continued to act like a punk/nice guy 5) You weren't an adult in the breakup -If anything, this was a teenager breakup. A couple month relationship and you treated her like she was breaking up a marriage. You have a lot to learn. I do not interject with a lot of your advice although it is black and white and you are still learning but its also very "vague". There is no "edge" to you. When you talk, I feel like I am being stabbed with a plastic spoon. Women don't want this. There is no security in this. I am sure she felt the same way. She broke up with you because you believed the words coming out of her mouth. You probably already bought the engagement ring for her and how long has it been? Girls dont want this crap at that age. They want to spread their wings (legs) and fly (have sex) date *******s (confident men) who treat them like crap. FYI - as a guy reading this post, there is no respect. If you wanted respect, you should have just walked away when you knew it was over instead of having to get "VALIDATION" from a girl that doesnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You're young and you're still learning. I got hosed big time by a chick I liked last year in front of my friends. I didnt come to the board and make a post about it and how I maintained my respect. It stung like a champ and I will always remember the chick that kicked me off my high horse and to this day I laugh about it. That's what guys are suppose to do. Shrug it off, laugh about it, jump back on the horse and ride off to the next rodeo Edited July 15, 2012 by wilsonx 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Haha oh man, that's funny. I'm quite happy being the person that I am and have no intent on changing. Had she shown what happened over the past few days over the course of knowing her I wouldn't have ever got invested. She seemed different thus I deemed her worth the gamble. My gamble, not yours. I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen. I'll not drag myself into games or to a lower level. If someone can't appreciate the open honesty I bring to the table they weren't worth the time anyways. I'm an individual and not to be lumped into what is expected by societal stereotypes. 14
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Condolences, my friend. But I'm glad you aren't giving up.. 1
cerridwen Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Haha oh man, that's funny. I'm quite happy being the person that I am and have no intent on changing. Had she shown what happened over the past few days over the course of knowing her I wouldn't have ever got invested. She seemed different thus I deemed her worth the gamble. My gamble, not yours. I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen. I'll not drag myself into games or to a lower level. If someone can't appreciate the open honesty I bring to the table they weren't worth the time anyways. I'm an individual and not to be lumped into what is expected by societal stereotypes. Lovely, Raptor. Hold onto your individuality and authenticity. Congratulations on knowing your worth, and staying true to yourself. Truly, you're a gem. 9
carhill Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Thanks for sharing both sides of the dynamic, my sympathies and onward. Each experience is really good information. Good luck. 1
wilsonx Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Haha oh man, that's funny. I'm quite happy being the person that I am and have no intent on changing. Had she shown what happened over the past few days over the course of knowing her I wouldn't have ever got invested. She seemed different thus I deemed her worth the gamble. My gamble, not yours. I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen. I'll not drag myself into games or to a lower level. If someone can't appreciate the open honesty I bring to the table they weren't worth the time anyways. I'm an individual and not to be lumped into what is expected by societal stereotypes. Bookmark this post and reread it in 7-8 months, especially this quote and then get back to me
Ajax Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Philosoraptor, sorry to hear things didn't work out. I know how it feels when a relationship appears to be going well only to have it unravel before your eyes in a matter of days. I generally disagree with Wilsonx, and this is no exception. I think you handled it as best you could, and she knows you didn't fall for the stuff she made up to make herself look good. Maybe you can still fine one of those women hitting on you. There's still a lot of summer left
johan Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I'm sorry it didn't work out. I've been there, of course. I'm not critical of your attitude or approach. But to me, I have a hard time really caring to hear an explanation for why someone doesn't want to be with me. Forcing one out of them just seems like dragging out the process. Maybe you just wanted it to be a hard thing for her to do, but really you just made her want to leave more. I don't ask. All I need to know is it's over, and then it's time for me to think of my own future. She can go do whatever it is she thinks will suit her better. I don't ask about that either. I just assume the worst: some other guy caught her attention. What could I do about that? Nothing. She must have still felt she was on the market. My hardest breakups were due mostly to me being hard on myself. Losing the girl was a part of the pain, but not the biggest part.
Thisisbs Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Haha oh man, that's funny. I'm quite happy being the person that I am and have no intent on changing. Had she shown what happened over the past few days over the course of knowing her I wouldn't have ever got invested. She seemed different thus I deemed her worth the gamble. My gamble, not yours. I'll go back to my normal patience and let life happen. I'll not drag myself into games or to a lower level. If someone can't appreciate the open honesty I bring to the table they weren't worth the time anyways. I'm an individual and not to be lumped into what is expected by societal stereotypes. This is true, why should we have to change and cater to women "our age". Anyway, age is not a major factor in maturity, or love. You have your standards and you know what you want, and you shouldn't be looking for a relationship if you aren't looking to be serious, it's a waste of time, effort, emotion, although you could learn a lot from the experience. I agree, you want someone that can understand you, that you can be yourself around, isn't that what everyone wants? Who would want to be around someone that has to put on a mask and pretend to be someone who they aren't? Goodluck Philo, it was worth a try, you'll find someone as smart and unique as you someday! ^^
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 i'm sorry … I was so happy when you were on cloud 9. Don't give up. Ever. 4
Radu Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I dont even know where to start with this thread 1) You made plans with her knowing she was going to break up with you - Really? Nice guy 101 (Dont read advice in the dating forum). There are 2 people there that know what they are talking about, everyone else is dumb. 2) You made her come over to break up with you - Really? Why, you look like a chump to any "GUY" that reads this on the forum. Why waste time (READ #3) 3) You say you wasted time - Yup you sure did. Making this thread, making your ex come over and explain what you already know. Etc. 4) You believed what came out of her mouth -90% of what comes out of girls mouths you have to learn to ignore. It's emotions and these change EVERY SECOND. Its bull****. Watch their actions, she flaked on you, you knew it was over, yet you continued to act like a punk/nice guy 5) You weren't an adult in the breakup -If anything, this was a teenager breakup. A couple month relationship and you treated her like she was breaking up a marriage. You have a lot to learn. I do not interject with a lot of your advice although it is black and white and you are still learning but its also very "vague". There is no "edge" to you. When you talk, I feel like I am being stabbed with a plastic spoon. Women don't want this. There is no security in this. I am sure she felt the same way. She broke up with you because you believed the words coming out of her mouth. You probably already bought the engagement ring for her and how long has it been? Girls dont want this crap at that age. They want to spread their wings (legs) and fly (have sex) date *******s (confident men) who treat them like crap. FYI - as a guy reading this post, there is no respect. If you wanted respect, you should have just walked away when you knew it was over instead of having to get "VALIDATION" from a girl that doesnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You're young and you're still learning. I got hosed big time by a chick I liked last year in front of my friends. I didnt come to the board and make a post about it and how I maintained my respect. It stung like a champ and I will always remember the chick that kicked me off my high horse and to this day I laugh about it. That's what guys are suppose to do. Shrug it off, laugh about it, jump back on the horse and ride off to the next rodeo You are right in your own way. What you wrote is perfectly valid, if the OP was looking for ONS, manipulating the girl into a relationship by pressing the right buttons, not showing his true self. He is looking for a LTR relationship, a partner that will eventually come to see the real 'you' which is hiding behind whatever it is you learned in PUA. So in his mind, hiding his true self is pointless, he puts it all out there. The OP is better at this dating game than you, because even though he recognizes his way is not the only way and yours is valid too, he chooses his and sticks with it, while you refuse to acknowledge the fact that yours is not the only way. Hiding is easy, deception is easy [if you read this board], we all do it every day in the PC way we act, or in the ego sparing responses we give. But the OP actually puts it up there, what you see is what you get ... it's hard to be naked to other ppl's gaze and keep your ground. Sorry it didn't work out OP. What ages were you and her ? 2
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