lolita jade Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi, I have been coping very well after spliting with my husband. He was my best friend and when he found a new woman soon on said he thought alot about me and wanted to help me. He even said about trying again if it didn't work with the OW. He does not contact me at all, has been dating her for a year, even though I only know of it since Sept 11. He has plastered all over his facebook wall that he is in a relationship with her and his anniversary date (even though still married to me and he is busy telling mutual friends that he has been with her a year and he doesn't contact me at all because he has moved on. My friend asked if there would be wedding bells and he looked horrified and said he would have to get divorced first. My son lives in the marital home with him ( he is 21) but my husband stays there only Monday and Tues, the rest of the time with his GF and kids. Is he in a big magical bubble as he has thrown all into this woman, with her and her kids coming first or is this the real thing? My daughter who lives away doesn't hear much from him either. I was a little sad over all of this as I live alone I feel like a bit of an outcast and lonely. I have single friends and most of the time happy but it has all got to me a little recently. Thank you 1
mike588 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hey I remember you. I too don't come here very much anymore but pop in on ocassion to see if I can help anyone who's had a situation like I did. It's almost been a year for me and I'm soooo over her and the breakup and am taking my time getting involved with anyone. Sorry to hear it's 'getting to you"... I had a few setbacks months ago but am so happy now. Hang in there and I wish you the best!!
Author lolita jade Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Hi Mike, Yes thought I was way over mine too but having a little setback. Think it just kicked me in the teeth that he has virtually moved in there and parading around like I don't exist. Glad you are ok
mike588 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi Mike, Yes thought I was way over mine too but having a little setback. Think it just kicked me in the teeth that he has virtually moved in there and parading around like I don't exist. Glad you are ok I had my setback back in Feb. when she contacted me but I'm 100% over that now.Again I'm sorry that your feeling down...it sucks when someone you loved...had a life with just disappears and as you said acts like you don't exist. It's probably the best for you though..you know it's over and any hopes you had you can now bury and move on. It's tough to 'finally" let go but you have to! So many people (including myself) hung on to that hope that things would work out....that they made a mistake and come back begging to try it again. I too live alone and am happy being single..I know one day someone else will come into my life. You need to be completely over the ex. and be happy with yourself before you can start a meaningful "new" relationship.
Author lolita jade Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Thought I was completely happy and had moved on. am happy to be independant as free as a bird and have great friends, then wallop, it all comes back and hits you when its pushed in your face. I miss what I had not he is now. I am so sorry my children have to be put through him putting another woman and her kids first. I can't do anything about it though. I think he is silly puuting everything into her. He may end up losing all. Thats what I feel bad about and the fact that it was all on the rebound. Everything is rosy coloured for him. At least you had contact. My ex wont even help me or contact me at all. even though he said he would.
mike588 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Thought I was completely happy and had moved on. am happy to be independant as free as a bird and have great friends, then wallop, it all comes back and hits you when its pushed in your face. I miss what I had not he is now. I am so sorry my children have to be put through him putting another woman and her kids first. I can't do anything about it though. I think he is silly puuting everything into her. He may end up losing all. Thats what I feel bad about and the fact that it was all on the rebound. Everything is rosy coloured for him. At least you had contact. My ex wont even help me or contact me at all. even though he said he would. You really don't know if everything is "rosy" for him...that's what your thinking/guessing. Things may not be so great but he's not gonna contact you and tell you that...he would look like and feel like sh*t....be to embarrased. If he loses it all that's not your problem..he's the one who will have to deal with it. The contact I had sooo wanted for many months turned out to be... I'm guessing was just to dump her guilt...to get that off her back. I wish she hadn't of contacted me....it set me back for a week. 1
Rorschach64 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Well you will always have the ups and downs till you bleed it all after X amount of time. It will pass but with each episode it will be less severe too! You need to back off of Facebook too and stop your creeping . we do have one thing in common, my ex has not contacted me in a year come the 16th of this month.
Author lolita jade Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Hi Rors, How are you?? Do you remember me?? I know your situation well. Are you still having setbacks too?? I was emailing you. Mike and Rors, Mike it's too bad about your setback. At least you know you shouldn't be with her. My husband isn't even divorced from me. He is proud to be parading the new relationship like he isn't even married. Thats what hurts me. Why hasn't he divorced me. He has been using me as a back up I guess. I am usually ok but have had a setback over his attutude towards it all. It stinks the year benchmark. It just lets you know that they are fine without you and its as if he see's a year as the 'ok' that the OW is for keeps.
Damia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi your situation sounds very like mine only I'm coming up 2 years in September I find it best to look for the positives ,for example his NC has made it so much easier to fight for a fair settlement (old habits die hard an I was a bit of a door mat in my relationship)if we were still friends like we were in the beginning I would have probably taken a low settlement offer! I have a list of positives I remind myself about when I have a bad day The good news is the bad days are few now an the positives continue to grow You deserve the positives they are there for you
Radu Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi, I have been coping very well after spliting with my husband. He was my best friend and when he found a new woman soon on said he thought alot about me and wanted to help me. He even said about trying again if it didn't work with the OW. He does not contact me at all, has been dating her for a year, even though I only know of it since Sept 11. He has plastered all over his facebook wall that he is in a relationship with her and his anniversary date (even though still married to me and he is busy telling mutual friends that he has been with her a year and he doesn't contact me at all because he has moved on. My friend asked if there would be wedding bells and he looked horrified and said he would have to get divorced first. My son lives in the marital home with him ( he is 21) but my husband stays there only Monday and Tues, the rest of the time with his GF and kids. Is he in a big magical bubble as he has thrown all into this woman, with her and her kids coming first or is this the real thing? My daughter who lives away doesn't hear much from him either. I was a little sad over all of this as I live alone I feel like a bit of an outcast and lonely. I have single friends and most of the time happy but it has all got to me a little recently. Thank you He wants you as a backup, in case it doesn't work with the OW. Did you start the divorce proceedings by any chance ? How are the kids taking it ? Would be helpfull if you gave a bit of the backstory [therapeutical too].
Stanza Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Hi, I'm sorry for your situation, my partner also went into an immediate rebound and it does hurt. I think if you deep down want to move and break from him, initiating the divorce is good. If you don't, then you maybe need to go and talk to him and see what his viewpoint is. I don't know if you want to be hanging on another year or two? I do think he's very confused and he could lose it all. Really does seem like he doesn't know what he's doing. this means the road back to you won't be easy either, or necessarily one that will work out. He needs to find out what he wants! I feel for you.
Rorschach64 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Of course I remember I did email you awhile back but never had a response unless I mass deleted the email while I was clearing out junk. I occasionally have a random minor set back but I think to myself now how silly I was during the break up and relationship and dumb...so very full of dumbness. Problem you got going on is that you are still exposed to him and his stupidity, you gots to find a way to cut that out of your life and I know you have kids thus making it difficult. You must cut yourself off of the source of "drugs" even if you think that he might come back and etc etc. Yeah sure not hearing from the ex in a very long time may it be months to years is crappy and not very reassuring of your self worth but think....if someone could cut you out of their life so easily without trying to keep you in it, then you must have not been worth very much to them. I know it is a very black and white stance but it is the only thing you and I have currently, but I don't hate my ex for it and I understand. Question is, how do you feel about him?
Author lolita jade Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) Hi all for your help. Here is how I stand:- Yes I miss what i had and i feel very guilty for my kids (no matter how old) for them having to put up with shyte that is not normal. I do not feel like I want to be with my husband romantically but love him as a brother/ best friend. I feel as we have kids together and 26 years it is important to stay friends at least for our kids. I feel he is behaving like a child putting her and her kids first without thought of his own. He said he had strong feelings for me and would help me. What the hell has happened to that. Is he a door mat to her or is he 100 per cent confident and happy?? I am frustrated at the situation rather than wanting him back in a romantic sense. I know for sure, if I had somneone else, I would speak to him and act normal and friendly. Why don't I exist to him???? Thank you PS Rors, I did reply to you. I thought you had gone off radar! Radu, The kids are ok up front but being British, you never know what they are really thinking, stiff upper lip and all that. My background is exactly what I say in my first post. Split up for two years, hope to get back togather as in seeing each other for coffees meals etc, then he finds someone else. Edited July 15, 2012 by lolita jade
Author lolita jade Posted July 19, 2012 Author Posted July 19, 2012 Stupid add on to this is I got that pyssed off one morning, as it all had been building up over months and I was feeling low is I actually phoned him and told him to put our kids first instead of hers and I said I was upset that he said he couldn't be friends with me, even though he said he would and said he had strong feelings for me. He said he has moved on, is happy and his life has changed and he would speak to me if he has to. I really don't understand why he hasn't asked for a divorce if so happy. I think he has used me as a back up. 26 years is a long time to know someone for them to not want to remain your friend, not even for the kids sake. He did say he would. Think maybe he is being brainwshed by the other woman. I don't really want him back now, too much water under the bridge but I really do want his friendship and it is that that i miss. Thanks
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