Call me crazy, but i have to warn.

[Capris]

Hello everyone.

 

I recently realised that my ex (thank god) MM is 99% a sociopath.

 

In scientific terms its called Antisocial personality Disorder (AsPD) which falls in a larger general category of personalities disorders.

 

If i remember correctly, 1 out of 25 people have this disorder.

Cheating is one of the things they most likely love doing.

 

*****Im not saying that every cheating person is a sociopath*****

 

Im just trying to inform people about this disorder, hopefully im the only one who didnt know.

You should google it and compare your MM to the traits of a person with a personality disorder, just in case. Always try to be honest about him, put aside any possible bitterness or hurt feelings and also loving feelings. Be honest.

 

If you find them (honestly) really close to those traits, do further research and then run.

 

Like i mentioned in the title, call me crazy, but i have to warn people.

I had no idea that it is so common.

 

Again, be honest and of course, just cause mine turned out like that, doesnt mean everyone else is.

 

 

Hope everyone is ok!!

[Silly_Girl]

There're a few threads like this from you, C. I hope you are putting ample effort and passion in to making your life good and fulfilling.

[whichwayisup]

You aren't crazy. You're doing a good thing by warning others before they decide to have an affair. I hope some newer OW listen to you and read your thread, as well as other threads to help prevent them from so much heartache and pain. Some people are able to learn through others experiences, though most don't.

 

Focus on healing and forgetting your exMM. You are free and now can live your life in a healthier and happier way!

[Spark1111]

Well, okay.

 

But cheaters in long term affairs are also frequently narcissists and/or bi-polar. Then there are borderlines (rare) and undiagnosed ADHD adults who can have multiple affairs, especially during the manic phase.

 

Some of these cluster B personality disorders can overlap. In other words, a bi-polar can exhibit some characteristics of narcissism, or borderline, or sociopathy, or an ADHD can beome bi-polar, or narcissistic, or exhibit APD, or Defiant Personality Disorder, etc,

 

Was a professional diagnosis made?

 

Because being selfish, needy, unempathetic, and self-centered are part and parcel, AT TIMES, in all the above, in certain degrees, and it takes a really, really good mental health professional to make a proper and true diagnosis,

 

Even then, there may be disagreement.

[Spark1111]

PS, you are not crazy and your desire to warn is a helpful one.

 

More importantly, IMO, is identifying what led you to be vulnerable to the attentions and ministrations of the personality disordered, who can be very, very manipulative of others to get thier unfillable void of needs met?

 

Yes, they are out there. Inform, educate yourself, set healthy boundaries, and these emotion vultures will move on to other 'PREY.'

[SoMovinOn]

You aren't crazy. You're doing a good thing by warning others before they decide to have an affair. I hope some newer OW listen to you and read your thread, as well as other threads to help prevent them from so much heartache and pain. Some people are able to learn through others experiences, though most don't.

 

Focus on healing and forgetting your exMM. You are free and now can live your life in a healthier and happier way!

 

I hope people consider this, and everything else, when they get involved in any type of R, with anyone. Friends, lovers, bosses, coworkers ... there are so many R issues which can be toxic. It's always a good idea to know who you're dealing with.

[Capris]

Seems a key point of it is that behavior is often criminal, was your xmm a criminal?

 

He always have troubles with the law, not too big ones, but in general hates anything to do with the law/police etc etc. Since a young age.

 

There're a few threads like this from you, C. I hope you are putting ample effort and passion in to making your life good and fulfilling.

 

hello Silly girl! If you havent read my responce to the "newcomers beware" thread, then YES IM FREE!!! I feel strong as ever and confident. Im focusing on my life and as you say, making it good. Thanks for all the support!!

 

Well, okay.

 

But cheaters in long term affairs are also frequently narcissists and/or bi-polar. Then there are borderlines (rare) and undiagnosed ADHD adults who can have multiple affairs, especially during the manic phase.

 

Some of these cluster B personality disorders can overlap. In other words, a bi-polar can exhibit some characteristics of narcissism, or borderline, or sociopathy, or an ADHD can beome bi-polar, or narcissistic, or exhibit APD, or Defiant Personality Disorder, etc,

 

Was a professional diagnosis made?

 

Because being selfish, needy, unempathetic, and self-centered are part and parcel, AT TIMES, in all the above, in certain degrees, and it takes a really, really good mental health professional to make a proper and true diagnosis,

 

Even then, there may be disagreement.

 

Very to the point post. They do overlap. No, there has been no professional diagnose made and again, i may sound crazy, but im making this assumption not only based on my expirience with this man, nor his treatment to me.

He fills all the traits of an Antisocial personality. I can give you 100 stories for each trait and from different sources.

His opinion of psycotherapists is low. He doesnt "believe" in them. Which, funny, is one more sign. He has been once to a doctor, if he diagnosed him as a sociopath, he'd never tell me. I told him the other day that he's a sociopath and he agreed.(doesnt mean anything, just sayin)

 

He does have some traits of a narcissistic personality and some others, but as you said, i cant make a true diagnosis.He fits the AsPD like a glove. Yet, im sure that if i mention this to my therapist, he'll agree.

 

I know every woman would love calling her ex a sociopath, but again, he's the real deal. He uses everyone in his close circle to his advantage. No feelings of remorse what so ever, no guilt no nothing.

How didnt i see it earlier? Funny thing is, i did, i just thought i was the crazy one and blamed my OCD. Now that the fog is lifted, i see things clearer.

 

I am angry at him for what he did to me, but i do not want anything to do with him. Im not seeking revenge or anything. Im writing this in total sanity and calmness.

 

As ive said before, a normal jerk is easy to spot and dump. These type of people are not.

 

So again, im just leaving the info that there are these type of people around and get informed, just in case you are dealing with one. They can crush you to pieces.

 

Thanks for all the support everyone!Take care!!

[Capris]

You aren't crazy. You're doing a good thing by warning others before they decide to have an affair. I hope some newer OW listen to you and read your thread, as well as other threads to help prevent them from so much heartache and pain. Some people are able to learn through others experiences, though most don't.

 

Focus on healing and forgetting your exMM. You are free and now can live your life in a healthier and happier way!

 

I wish for the same thing. As you say, they rarely do, just like me. If i had took the advice that was given to me in here, long ago, id be at the place i am now waaaaay earlier.

 

Its always the "my MM/MW is different", that blinds us.

 

Something for the new OW/OM and everyone, to be honest: Never assume that a person will not do to you, what he does to another so easily.

And this doesnt just go for cheating.

 

Again, there are some affairs that end well, yes there is real love involved etc etc, but the statistics are low. Even if ya sc*** the statistics, what you are risking is too much.

 

If anyone decides to continue with the affair, im not gonna stop them, best advice is to set boundries and dont forget that its your life too. Its ok to end something that doesnt satisfies you, efven when you are head over heals.

If you want to take a risk, take one that gives you an advantage, not only him/her.

 

 

As for me, as i mentioned on previous post, i am focusing on me FINALLY!! I cant thank you guys enough for all these years. Even if i wasnt as active as i seemed , id always pop in here to read.

Thanks all of you for your support and i wish the best!!

[Silly_Girl]

I hope things go well for you. It's intoxicating when you finally escape a bad situation. Enjoy!!!