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Is he giving me the run around or what?


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Posted

I've been dating this guy for about a month now. Everything has been going well, we enjoyed spending time together etc etc.. but he hadn't even kissed me....AFTER A MONTH. Well anyways, he usually emails me every day..and every night. Well last night he didn't email me which I thought was weird. This morning I get an email from him saying that he was sorry for not writing but he had a bad day and a bad night. So I said that's fine and asked him what was wrong. Well I still had no response from him this morning.

 

Tonight when I was at church he came straight in without looking at me. So I went to the nursery as it was my night to watch the kids. When I came after after church was dismissed I saw him outside, and decided I'd see what's up. I asked him if he was okay and he told me no.....and that he didn't know if he was comfortable enough to talk to me about what he was going through. I told him he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to. But..he did anyway.

 

Turns out yesterday he found out his exgirlfriend is getting married in september. They were together for two years and she broke it off with him......for no reason. This really devastated him. So yesterday he went and spoke to her for about 15 minutes just to get closure and find out why didn't it work...why didn't she give him a second chance. She told him that he was too much like her dad and she couldn't live with her dad. So now that he knew the truth he left ..and allowed her to get on with her life. But he's really taking it hard........and he even cried when he was telling me this.

 

Then I told him I was sorry and that I'd be praying for him and stuff....and I guess he needed space to get through this. He said yes and that he just didn't want to be seeing anyone right now....he was just an emotional rollercoaster.

 

My question is guys.......do you think he sounds sincere in all this? Is it just because he's not interested in me? Or do you think from the sound of it that he's just still in love with her and has nothing at all to do with me.

 

I have bad luck with men all the time.....and with each heartbreak I lose more and more self esteem. I feel like no one wants me or that I'm not worth caring for or loving. I'm just sick of the whole dating scene period. I just wanna cry! :(

Posted

Awww, don't cry. Why would you want a guy like that. Waits to get closure when he hears she's getting married and THEN he freaks out. How typical of men. :rolleyes:

 

Or do you think from the sound of it that he's just still in love with her and has nothing at all to do with me.
GIANT CHECK MARK. He also sounds pretty immature, unstable. Doesn't sound like a good guy to get into a relationship with. How could it have anything to do with you?

 

I suggest you just give up on this guy. I can't believe he'd cry on your shoulder about it. Geez. :rolleyes: You've been a good sport about it, but in this case, with this guy, it is NOT your turn in the nursery!

Posted

I think he sounds sincere...honest & open. At least he told you, he was honest about it, he could have just pushed you away with no excuse (as most men would). I would remain a friend and an open ear. Sounds like this is what he needs. After you love someone so much and loose them to something that you had no idea about (him being just like her father), thats a hard pill to swallow. He has alot to think about. He knows he needs to change his ways and look at himself from outside the box. Give him time, he will come around, and as much as I hate the way this sounds, I think he might need to "find himself". Good Luck!

Posted

I would move on. The fact that you haven't even kissed in a month coupled with him telling you that he wasn't ready to "see" anyone (that would be you) tells me that you two aren't clicking.

 

If he truly was interested in you, he would have sought solace in your arms. Instead, he opted for bad old "space." When someone tells me that she prefers "space" to my company, I usually get the hint. Sorry.

 

I'd chalk this one up to experience and move on.

Posted

I don't think 'space' means that the person's not ready. I think that's actually the more mature thing to do.

Because....seeking solace in someone's arms suggests that the person is insecure and NEEDS someone to be there.

 

You don't want to be with someone because he NEEDS you there, you want to be with someone cos he WANTS you there.

So...the fact that he's asking for 'space' just might mean that...he needs to be on his own, and figure things out.

In my opinion......that's the most healthiest thing anyone can do. If you have issues, you need to sort them out on your own, not take solace in someone else's company....that does nothing for you.

 

Sooo..I wouldn't move on just yet. I wouldnt' stop trying to meet other men either.....but I wouldn't blow this guy off just yet. He sounds mature, and do you want to be with a man who can't rely on himself to figure out his issues?!? heck no!

 

I'd give him the space but let him know you're still interested. (but don't sit around waiting for him either!!)..

Posted

I agree, it's a close call. What tipped it for me was the absence of even a kiss after a month of dating. But, hey, she may yet pull this one out. :)

  • Author
Posted

Yeah...the no kiss after a month kinda through me off to. That's never happened before... But I'm moving on...however if he does ask me to go out with him later down the road I definitely would. He's been a perfect gentlemen, and I have nothing against him.

  • Author
Posted

This is what he wrote me today..now what do you think?

 

hey dawn. listen I hope you are not mad at me and I need to tell you that I have thought that I was emotionally over her for awhile now and after hearing that and the way it made me feel told me that I was not over her emotionally. I did enjoy all the time we spent together and just don’t feel like its fair when I am not through with my issues. again I did not go into this feeling that way this is something that just hit me. I have prayed for me not to feel the way I do and still am. again im sorry if I made you mad. hope you had a good day. I will talk to you soon. tommy

Posted

Well, I guess this email doesn't really tell you anymore more than he said to you before. Basically...he's realized he's not over

his ex the way he thought, and he needs time and space to get over her.

The good thing is....he has no choice BUT to get over her, since she's getting married soon. He has to come to terms with that, no matter what.

 

Maybe you should wite to him saying that you understand how he feels, and just encourage him that he IS strong enough to get over this, and you'll pray for him too. Just let him know you understand his need for space....but you'll be there with prayer, and that hopefully you can see him when he feels a little better about everything.

 

Maybe...he'll appreciate the space your giving to him, and also appreciate that you're praying for him...that's a pretty genuinely nice guesture on your part, and you're still letting him know you want to continue being friends with him?

  • Author
Posted

That's exactly what I said in response. I told him that I wasn't mad, and how could I be he's been such a gentleman to me. I told him that I understood and that you can't help who you love. I said I've been praying for him and that I'll continue. Also I told him if he wanted to give it a go again later on, I'm game.....if not then hey, we're still friends right? So hopefully that's good enough.

Posted

Well, looks like we kinda think alike then. ;-)

you pretty much already wrote to him what I told you to write, so in my opinion I think you did the right thing.

Prayer's a strong thing....and you seem to be a religious person, so you already know that.

If he feels the same way....he'll know how powerful a statement it is when you say you are praying for him.

 

welll...now just keep praying about it yourself...and i'll do that same for ya :-) !!!

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