Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) I know people have been through similar situations as mine, catching my ex cheating with the person he is now engaged with. I can't confirm a physical act of cheating although she was in his bedroom laying across his bed fully dressed watching tv with the lights out but I can confirm an emotional affair and I know he established a relationship with her while still with me and she knew about me.I still hurt after a year and even more since they got engaged a year later around the same time i caught him with her!! It's like I still go back and forth between anger and grief. I was with him for almost 2 years but knew him for about 14 Years since high school and we reconnected a few years ago and began a relationship. I think I put to much trust in him simply because Ive known of him since high school. I do feel that this will hurt me for a long time. I find that these days I get ticked off really easy, I feel worthless and hopeless a lot, and it seems my patience is thin. I also have days where I am great and then days I cry. it's really sad that people don't think twice before they hurt someone. It really bothers me how he seemed to have a back up plan in place before leaving me! Will I ever feel better emotionally? Edited July 14, 2012 by Sweett
fucpcg Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Possibly not, but if you don't get over it you will only bring more damage down the road to yourself. I dated a girl who never got over the fact that she was cheated on, and finally it led to our demise as she would always keep her distance from me because she was still living in the past with what happened before. I couldn't take her insecurity and distance forcing between us anymore, and I left. She was waaay more hurt after that happened, but I had tried and tried to get her to move past, and she couldn't and/or wouldn't. Finally I had no choice but to walk. Years later we are friends again, and hang out again, but once in a while she STILL brings it up, and reminds me why I broke up with her. For whatever reason, she can't let go of that, and it is effecting her entire life.
Author Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 Possibly not, but if you don't get over it you will only bring more damage down the road to yourself. I dated a girl who never got over the fact that she was cheated on, and finally it led to our demise as she would always keep her distance from me because she was still living in the past with what happened before. I couldn't take her insecurity and distance forcing between us anymore, and I left. She was waaay more hurt after that happened, but I had tried and tried to get her to move past, and she couldn't and/or wouldn't. Finally I had no choice but to walk. Years later we are friends again, and hang out again, but once in a while she STILL brings it up, and reminds me why I broke up with her. For whatever reason, she can't let go of that, and it is effecting her entire life. Wow! U really sound reassuring! NOT! Sounds like you are angry and insecure yourself! I bet leaving her made her feel like **** but made u feel even better huh!?
january2011 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I agree with fucpcg - though "possibly" could go either way. I think you owe it to yourself, your emotional health, and your future relationships to work on this, whether through self-help or a therapist, to rebuild your ability to trust a romantic partner. Otherwise, you do risk getting into a similar situation that fucpcg's ex experienced.
Author Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 I agree with fucpcg - though "possibly" could go either way. I think you owe it to yourself, your emotional health, and your future relationships to work on this, whether through self-help or a therapist, to rebuild your ability to trust a romantic partner. Otherwise, you do risk getting into a similar situation that fucpcg's ex experienced. Thanks, I agree with u, just when I read the post from the last person and reading about how he left her due to insecurity, just didn't sit well because I was insecure with my ex but it turned out that my intuition was correct and he was cheating!!but I know I have to work on how he affected me and i know people do get past it, i just took that post to mean that I wouldn't get past it but me and that guys ex are not the same at all!
fucpcg Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Everything that happened, happened because of her insecurity, and had nothing to do with me. The fact that you didn't like it shows how much issue you have with yourself, just like the girl I described. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your a$$, not my job. Deal with your own issues and quit blaming me for them, unless you want to end up just like my ex.
fucpcg Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 And did I have any problems dumping a girl that after a one year relationship still never left a single piece of clothing over my house, and would only come over to **** me 1 hour before she had to get to bed, then wouldn't return till the next night one hour before bedtime again, because she didn't want to get "too close" to me? No I did not.
threebyfate Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 People usually have a pattern to their behaviours. Was he completely free when he reconnected with you initially?
Author Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) And did I have any problems dumping a girl that after a one year relationship still never left a single piece of clothing over my house, and would only come over to **** me 1 hour before she had to get to bed, then wouldn't return till the next night one hour before bedtime again, because she didn't want to get "too close" to me? No I did not. Ok thank u! No dont blow anything up my ass! Thanks for your opinion! I guess you are on here for a reason too! I know what I have to work on withOut anyone on here attacking me! I didn't deserve what was done to me And being cheated on at all and I'm not anything like your ex, her issues sound more extensive than mine! Edited July 14, 2012 by Sweett
Author Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 People usually have a pattern to their behaviours. Was he completely free when he reconnected with you initially? Yes he was free, he met the girl through one of his friends at a cookout they had that I suspected because I was told it was for the guys so I wasn't invited. I found out that this happened 8 months into our relationship. He then got deployed and emailed her a lot while he was gone, during this time he asked her to be his gf while he was still with me. When ge returned from deployment we argued a lot, then I caught them together, then he called me on the phone while I was at work to break up with me saying he needed space now a year later they are engaged!
Author Sweett Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 Everything that happened, happened because of her insecurity, and had nothing to do with me. The fact that you didn't like it shows how much issue you have with yourself, just like the girl I described. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your a$$, not my job. Deal with your own issues and quit blaming me for them, unless you want to end up just like my ex. Yes sir! Mr perfect!
CopingGal Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Sweett, Here is a good book to read: It's called a Breakup Because it is Broken By Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
fucpcg Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Girl you asked for advice, I took the time to share a story with you, and you got nasty with me, period. So I really don't give a rats a$$ what you think of me, or what happens to you moving on. If this is the extent of your maturity, that you feel the need to put me down for answering your direct question "Will I ever feel better emotionally?", you have plenty of issues to work on. Good luck! ByeBye!
ilovedhim Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 OP, I was reading your other threads and found this one. Your situation is similar to what I went thorugh, it's on here if you're interested in reading. You dated this guy for a year and a half, and broke up a year ago. Don't you think you should be over this already a long time ago? My ex met someone and MARRIED her within a year of our break-up! But my thinking is she got a cheater and a liar and so did yours. They can keep their prizes! Luckily, I met an amazing guy soon after we broke up and we're still together. Have you been dating? How do you know they're engaged/still together? Sometimes I wonder if he's a changed man now that he's with this other woman. Then I come to my senses. 1
CopingGal Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 OP, I was reading your other threads and found this one. Your situation is similar to what I went thorugh, it's on here if you're interested in reading. You dated this guy for a year and a half, and broke up a year ago. Don't you think you should be over this already a long time ago? Everyone is different. Today makes a year for me, but I'm not over it yet. Some people take 3 years to heal. Some probably more. 1
ilovedhim Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Everyone is different. Today makes a year for me, but I'm not over it yet. Some people take 3 years to heal. Some probably more. I know I still hurt sometimes when certain things trigger memories, the good ones, with my ex. But I don't think a year after a break-up we should still be questioning why they didn't choose us or what went wrong. Those should be dealt with in the early stages of the break-up so you can start healing. OP is just torturing herself. btw i agree with fuc.. after a year trying with his ex he couldn't deal with her baggage and so moved on.
Author Sweett Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 OP, I was reading your other threads and found this one. Your situation is similar to what I went thorugh, it's on here if you're interested in reading. You dated this guy for a year and a half, and broke up a year ago. Don't you think you should be over this already a long time ago? My ex met someone and MARRIED her within a year of our break-up! But my thinking is she got a cheater and a liar and so did yours. They can keep their prizes! Luckily, I met an amazing guy soon after we broke up and we're still together. Have you been dating? How do you know they're engaged/still together? Sometimes I wonder if he's a changed man now that he's with this other woman. Then I come to my senses. Thanks! I will read your story. I'm not sure why it's taking me so long but like coping gal says it depends on the person. I think I put to much trust in him to soon because I've known him since high school and we talked about marriage and the future as well. But somewhere along the way especially when he returned from Iraq he was a different person. While he was there he was really depressed and he choked an officer while he was there. His friend told me this he doesn't know I know this. It is during that deployment when he got closer to her through Facebook and email while he was still with me! He met her before his deployment and bonded with her while he wad away. I found out he was engaged through Facebook mutual friends meaning one of my friends who is his friend on fb told me. I Also thought like u maybe he's changed for her but I think some how he's hiding his true self and she hasn't seen it yet. I think people are who they are for the most part so I don't think he's changed
Author Sweett Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 People usually have a pattern to their behaviours. Was he completely free when he reconnected with you initially? He was completely free he met her in the middle of our relationship. I used to think he was a commitment phobic because he proposed to someone Years ago and she told him no as she had someone else! But I guess he's not scared of commitment if he's engaged and it turned out he did me the same way the girl from years ago did him, which makes me sick!!
Author Sweett Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 I know I still hurt sometimes when certain things trigger memories, the good ones, with my ex. But I don't think a year after a break-up we should still be questioning why they didn't choose us or what went wrong. Those should be dealt with in the early stages of the break-up so you can start healing. OP is just torturing herself. btw i agree with fuc.. after a year trying with his ex he couldn't deal with her baggage and so moved on. Well obviously u heal quickly than others and that's good for u!! It's a slow process for me. If he was honest instead of just asking for space maybe I could've processed it sooner but the way he ended it was not ok. Other things happened and were said that affects ne greatly and it's just going to take me longer! See him and her went to the extent of making me lose my job, he'd gone to my patents house and told them things to make me look bad so he doesn't have to look like the bastard he his. U never know until u have been in my shoes!
ilovedhim Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Well obviously u heal quickly than others and that's good for u!! It's a slow process for me. If he was honest instead of just asking for space maybe I could've processed it sooner but the way he ended it was not ok. Other things happened and were said that affects ne greatly and it's just going to take me longer! See him and her went to the extent of making me lose my job, he'd gone to my patents house and told them things to make me look bad so he doesn't have to look like the bastard he his. U never know until u have been in my shoes! Wow! What a pos! Mine wasn't much better. he bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen. The beginning was really bad. Some days I couldn't get out of bed. Then I started posting here and got great advice. Mostly what helped me was getting up and going running right away to release bad thoughts. I also made a list of all his bad qualities and read them anytime sad thoughts came into my head. What helped me the most was going out almost every night and just hanging out, until I met my new boyfriend. Up until a few weeks ago I was still looking him up online. Once I stopped doing that I hardly think of him. My point is I started replacing my memories of him with new ones and it's the only way I started healing. I'll be following your posts and wish you luck. It' not easy. Especially when you know they moved on. Just wondering how the new woman or better yet what type of woman is able to deal with all their BS.
Author Sweett Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Wow! What a pos! Mine wasn't much better. he bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen. The beginning was really bad. Some days I couldn't get out of bed. Then I started posting here and got great advice. Mostly what helped me was getting up and going running right away to release bad thoughts. I also made a list of all his bad qualities and read them anytime sad thoughts came into my head. What helped me the most was going out almost every night and just hanging out, until I met my new boyfriend. Up until a few weeks ago I was still looking him up online. Once I stopped doing that I hardly think of him. My point is I started replacing my memories of him with new ones and it's the only way I started healing. I'll be following your posts and wish you luck. It' not easy. Especially when you know they moved on. Just wondering how the new woman or better yet what type of woman is able to deal with all their BS. Yeah I've really got to get out more! I dont have problems attracting men at all just have to get our there where they are. I also used to look my ex up and things like that but I realized it was not allowing me to move forward. I have to accept that he is who he is, he did me a favor, and his poor little fiancé is so blind right now!
nofool4u Posted July 30, 2012 Posted July 30, 2012 (edited) Everything that happened, happened because of her insecurity, and had nothing to do with me. The fact that you didn't like it shows how much issue you have with yourself, just like the girl I described. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your a$$, not my job. Deal with your own issues and quit blaming me for them, unless you want to end up just like my ex. I absolutely agree. Last person I dated was very insecure. Like you, it had nothing to do with me. She wanted me to quit my job because there is an office wh0re that works here. I don't even talk to this woman because she disgusts me. But I couldn't handle her insecurities and accusations which were completely baseless. Now this is a much different situation than Sweett's because her bf is a cheater. Edited July 30, 2012 by nofool4u
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