blue_jay_bird Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Okay this is what happened, my boyfriend of seven year drove up to my house, i got in the car and he told me he doesn't want to marry me, does not see a future with me, and still "love's me" (pfff) it felt like it took him 15 mins. I screamed **** you and left. I thought everything was great before he dumped me. I guess i was wrong. I started NC that day, a month past and i went on a trip to europe. Meet a guy on the trip slept with him (he would be the only other guy then my boyfriend i'v slept with) Posted pic's of the trip on facebook, defriended my boyfriend, deleted his phone number. Started ballet, quit my job. I have no way of contacting him now. I feel like i'm falling apart so fast. I want him back so badly. All these things i'm doing is pushing him away? I think they are the right things to do. I feel better when i do them, but are they right? All these things i do won't they make him think i don't want him, cause i really really do. Im so confused.
KatZee Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Okay this is what happened, my boyfriend of seven year drove up to my house, i got in the car and he told me he doesn't want to marry me, does not see a future with me, and still "love's me" (pfff) Why do you want someone who doesn't want you?? He said some pretty strong statements, no marriage, no future. So do you just want to live with whatever scraps he has left for you?? It doesn't matter what you are or aren't doing. If he doesn't want to be with you, nothing you do (or don't) is going to make an ounce of difference. He's been gone a month and hasn't reached out once. That's what you need to be paying attention to. He may love you, but he most certainly isn't iN love with you.
jmjacobs31 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 you are doing all the right things! he doesn't want to be with you so you need to begin to hea and move on. you guys were together a long time so just make sure you allow yoursekf time to heal from the break up.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 But won't me not contacting him prove that he made the right decision. That me not fighting for him shows that are relationship wasn't worth it anyway.
SeventhFloor Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 He's not fighting for you either. Give him time to miss you, reflect and think about your relationship. You can't force anything; in fact, the more you do, the more likely you will push him away.
rAFC Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 All these things i'm doing is pushing him away? I think they are the right things to do. I feel better when i do them, but are they right? All these things i do won't they make him think i don't want him, cause i really really do. Im so confused. You can't push someone away if they are already gone. You are doing the right thing by cutting contact and moving on with your life. It will likely take quite a while before you feel better about the whole thing. 7 years is a long time, you don't just get over it right away. Every day, every week, every month that you are away from him you will make progress. Some days will feel like a step back, but it is all part of healing.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 you are doing all the right things! he doesn't want to be with you so you need to begin to hea and move on. you guys were together a long time so just make sure you allow yoursekf time to heal from the break up. Agreed! She IS doing all the right things... and when weeks and months pass, either she has successfully (and further) distanced herself FROM him, OR she has given him the sense that she's gonna make it after all, deeming her much better than what would be the alternative IF she pined and (stalked) and irritated him. Groveling to get back together only makes the other person see that ex as less and less of a person. It is difficult to sit passively by and not feel as if you're actively pursuing something (she apparently wants so badly) but it is far and away the right move.
Samilia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 After his statements, if anybody had to fight for the the relationship, that'd be him, not you. You're going the right thing, yes. Have fun, get an education, make friends, live..
Author blue_jay_bird Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I want to tell my girlfriend i slept with a guy in europe, but i know it will get back to my boyfriend. I still want him back,... does him knowing this, will push him away... i mean, one month after we broke up i did this i feel like a slut. and he will think this of me.
Samilia Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 I want to tell my girlfriend i slept with a guy in europe, but i know it will get back to my boyfriend. I still want him back,... does him knowing this, will push him away... i mean, one month after we broke up i did this i feel like a slut. and he will think this of me. Here is my definition of a slut: a slut is a girl (or a guy) who expects a relationship out of a one night stand. I don't think you're a slut for blowing up some steam, you do whatever you want, you're single. Use condoms and common sense though. He was pretty clear with not wanting a future or a marriage with you, it wasn't just a "I am not sure", "I need to think about it". He was done.
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