achingheart Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I need some help with a girl I like, Im 21, never been in a serious relationship before so I feel like I dont know what to do or how to proceed...so bear with me. I met this nice girl at work earlier this year by asking her if she wanted coffee when we took a break. She seemed really thankful for it and after work we both talked to each other for like 3 hours, getting to know each other and stuff. We really hit it off. Well we both really liked each other and began always taking our breaks together, hanging out before/after work and then even hanging out with each other on our days off. We would go places like the park and we would just talk about anything really. Personal/funny stuff. She would hug me like ALOT, rest her head on me and just was really flirty. Eventually we got to the discussion on past relationships and ex's. I asked her about her past and she told me she's been with a couple guys. I felt really embarressed telling her about mine because I really never had a gf. Im a virgin, stuff like that etc etc. I kinda told her my life story. One night after work I asked about us being more than just friends and she said she wasnt ready for another relationship. I sort of asked her if we had a future subtly. I understand she just got out of a bad relationship but felt really angry about getting rejected because of how she flirts with me and stuff. I keep getting all these mixed signals. She said she just needs more time. After getting burned like that things have been akward between us. She really doesnt talk to me as much. We dont really spend time with each other as much as we used to. Its like that "zest" or passion for getting to know each other is gone. Its depressing and pissing me off. Instead of wanting to hang out with me she finds lame excuses like she has to do the laundry. I REALLY like this girl but I dont know what to do at this point because in a way I want to wait for her, but I dont want to act desperate. I dont know what to do...should I still be her friend and hope she'll get over her ex? Then maybe come around... Or do I just kinda forget about her...
Snakechammah Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Seems like you've been friendzoned. I'm sorry, sometimes it's hard to gauge. I would believe that she sent all these mixed signals only to reject you when push comes to shove. If she had been attracted to you at all, trust me, she would pursue the idea of a relationship. "I don't want another relationship" sounds like a lame excuse, and yes girls always play this card when they are cornered. Seems like she likes the attention and lapping it up to boost her self-esteem. But ultimately, she isn't interested in you as a partner. My advice: IGNORE her. Men are friendzoned when they appear wimpy and easily available to a woman's beck and call. Don't do this. Just man up, and leave her. Walk away. Stop being nice and friendly to her. Don't be rude, just keep your distance. She will wonder what happen. If she is indeed the attention whore, she will try to manipulate you back into boosting her self esteem again. If she really likes you, she will also try to win you back. Check her sincerity, is she apologetic, does she try hard enough? There are heaps of difference between wanting you back as the doormat, or wanting you back for her feelings for you. And lastly, if she doesn't bother, we know she's not worth your time. Good luck!
Author achingheart Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 Sort of an update, i need some more help. I found out this girl has been talking to this other guy. One night we were talking after work and this guy called. I could see his name on her phone out of the corner of my eye. She said it was her dad and she needed to get home becuase of a family fight or something. So a few days later we start talking like we usually do and she brings up this guy...THE GUY ON THE PHONE that called her that night. So I asked her if she loved him...she said "I care for him", at that point i kinda was heartbroken and she could see it on my face. I think she felt bad for saying that because she hugged me. I couldnt help but be cold to her. I felt betrayed kinda. The rest of the day I was angry that she lied to me when that guy called. What do I do at work? She tells me nothing is wrong but I am not a fool I feel like she has thrown me aside for this new guy, like i was just a means to make her happy for a short while. Iv been there for her through the thick and thin, Iv give her space and time to heal from her last relationship and have been super friendly. What do I do from here? Act like a jerk to her? Ignore her? ????? Im angry/heartbroken and am dam confused.
NateC Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Sort of an update, i need some more help. I found out this girl has been talking to this other guy. One night we were talking after work and this guy called. I could see his name on her phone out of the corner of my eye. She said it was her dad and she needed to get home becuase of a family fight or something. So a few days later we start talking like we usually do and she brings up this guy...THE GUY ON THE PHONE that called her that night. So I asked her if she loved him...she said "I care for him", at that point i kinda was heartbroken and she could see it on my face. I think she felt bad for saying that because she hugged me. I couldnt help but be cold to her. I felt betrayed kinda. The rest of the day I was angry that she lied to me when that guy called. What do I do at work? She tells me nothing is wrong but I am not a fool I feel like she has thrown me aside for this new guy, like i was just a means to make her happy for a short while. Iv been there for her through the thick and thin, Iv give her space and time to heal from her last relationship and have been super friendly. What do I do from here? Act like a jerk to her? Ignore her? ????? Im angry/heartbroken and am dam confused. Keep your distance. If you can't keep your feelings out of what you have left of a friendship, distance yourself more to save you the heartache later. I figured out this the hard way myself...not really something you should put yourself through.
Affliction Shirt Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 listen kid, it's over. Use this as motivation to improve yourself, alright? You aren't good enough for her right now. You can't compete.
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