The online disappearing act

July 14, 2012

We met online, for two weeks we had a few phone conversations and many texts. We had great chemistry and set a date to meet in person. Then he disappears with no explanation. Almost four months later he emails me this letter.

Hi beauty...... been a while....... I know this may be ill-advised, & that either 1) you just may not want to hear from me or 2) may have already moved on, but I have had alot going on over the last 3 1/2 months since we spoke..... but I would like to start over & reconnect..... & if you'll like the same that would be great but to be honest & fair about that chance, here's the beginning of what happened.......

......... I don't know if I told you about the ex of mine that was from Illinois, but to try to shorten the whole version, she wanted to move back here as we both obviously had strong feelings for each other. So she did. & it was basically two good weeks & then hell afterward for me. I found out she was pregnant by the ex she left. & from that point, the entire relationship stalled & regressed. I stuck it out because she was trying to find a place for herself & her children, & I didn't feel comfortable putting a pregnant woman w/ children on the street. When that proved unsuccessful, she decided to just move back. Even though she left on good terms w/ me, it did give me the closure I never had w/ her in that she & I will never work. I needed time to let that go w/o taking that failure out of a relationship out on anyone. Now that I have, I want to reconnect w/ the one person I should have really pursued & that is you.

So there is the jist of it, so if you would like to reconnect, or at least talk it out, then by all means get back to me. & if not, I completely understand, & I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Does he deserve another chance or not? What would you do?

Edited July 14, 2012 by Kcelleste

July 14, 2012

We met online, for two weeks we had a few phone conversations and many texts. We had great chemistry and set a date to meet in person. Then he disappears with no explanation. Almost four months later he emails me this letter.

Hi beauty...... been a while....... I know this may be ill-advised, & that either 1) you just may not want to hear from me or 2) may have already moved on, but I have had alot going on over the last 3 1/2 months since we spoke..... but I would like to start over & reconnect..... & if you'll like the same that would be great but to be honest & fair about that chance, here's the beginning of what happened.......

......... I don't know if I told you about the ex of mine that was from Illinois, but to try to shorten the whole version, she wanted to move back here as we both obviously had strong feelings for each other. So she did. & it was basically two good weeks & then hell afterward for me. I found out she was pregnant by the ex she left. & from that point, the entire relationship stalled & regressed. I stuck it out because she was trying to find a place for herself & her children, & I didn't feel comfortable putting a pregnant woman w/ children on the street. When that proved unsuccessful, she decided to just move back. Even though she left on good terms w/ me, it did give me the closure I never had w/ her in that she & I will never work. I needed time to let that go w/o taking that failure out of a relationship out on anyone. Now that I have, I want to reconnect w/ the one person I should have really pursued & that is you.

So there is the jist of it, so if you would like to reconnect, or at least talk it out, then by all means get back to me. & if not, I completely understand, & I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Does he deserve another chance or not? What would you do?

Well first of all, back then, why didn't he explain to you or even drop you a note saying that he needed some time off? Falling off the face of the earth is kind of irresponsible imo. After only four months, it might be that he's on a rebound. What do you feel about him currently?

July 14, 2012

"Falling off the face of the planet" is VERY par for the course when online dating. Why? Because if they do, they really feel no obligation to be courteous to someone they aren't even talking to face-to-face.

They turn off their computers and go out with their friends, and you're but a "poof".

Anyhow, if I'm even lucky enough to GET response, after few emails back and forth, and I say, "Hey how about we get together"

They stop responding.

July 14, 2012

He blew you off without a word (already a BIG red flag) and whatever bullcrap story he is giving the bottom line is you were Plan B and someone else was Plan A.

Well Plan A didn't work out so he's come back to Plan B. Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option. And frankly, he could've told you his "EX girlfriend sob story" months ago, instead he totally blew you off without a word and disappeared. Pretty lame if you ask me, and very rude.

July 14, 2012

I would give him a shot.

This happened to me few years back. I went out with a guy once, great date, great chemistry then I never heard from him again. Then 6 months later he calls me, explains that he got back together with his ex and it didn't work out. I gave him a shot and we dated for a few months, I ended up not falling for him and I broke it off. He actually texted me for months afterwards... So yeah, dynamics completely changed.

July 14, 2012

He blew you off without a word (already a BIG red flag) and whatever bullcrap story he is giving the bottom line is you were Plan B and someone else was Plan A.

Well Plan A didn't work out so he's come back to Plan B. Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option. And frankly, he could've told you his "EX girlfriend sob story" months ago, instead he totally blew you off without a word and disappeared. Pretty lame if you ask me, and very rude.

Plan B can become plan A. Of course he had greater connection with his ex than with OP at that point in time. It's not like they were in a relationship.

July 14, 2012

I agree to give him a shot.

I pulled the on-line disappearing act myself on the man I'm currently involved with and always regretted it and thought about him. Then months later I contacted him -- just to apologize and explain myself, because I never thought he'd still be interested in me after what I had done. But he gave me another shot and now we're seeing where this leads!

Sometimes people disappear because they like you too much to officially end things with a good-bye email or phone call. You could say it's a Plan B, but there are many people I've walked away from and had no trouble just dropping a note and explaining why. I always knew this man was special and I couldn't bring myself to end it.

July 14, 2012

Well first of all, back then, why didn't he explain to you or even drop you a note saying that he needed some time off? Falling off the face of the earth is kind of irresponsible imo. After only four months, it might be that he's on a rebound. What do you feel about him currently?

I'm glad you mentioned the rebound side of it because I didn't think of it. I guess we're on the same page. I reconnected with my ex of 1 1/2 years during this time and a week ago we decided to finally stop contact with each other.

I don't feel he's a bad person. I did the disappearing act on a few guys online and had some regret. I did really like him. Idk, something good may come out of it.

July 14, 2012

Plan B can become plan A. Of course he had greater connection with his ex than with OP at that point in time. It's not like they were in a relationship.

Exactly, we barely knew each other. Never even met in person. Of course it was rude but unfortunately, I realized that the fade away or disappearing act is a frequent part of online dating.

July 14, 2012

I agree to give him a shot.

I pulled the on-line disappearing act myself on the man I'm currently involved with and always regretted it and thought about him. Then months later I contacted him -- just to apologize and explain myself, because I never thought he'd still be interested in me after what I had done. But he gave me another shot and now we're seeing where this leads!

Sometimes people disappear because they like you too much to officially end things with a good-bye email or phone call. You could say it's a Plan B, but there are many people I've walked away from and had no trouble just dropping a note and explaining why. I always knew this man was special and I couldn't bring myself to end it.

Nice story:D

thanks for your reply. I really wish you two the best.

July 14, 2012

I call bull**** on this from a mans point of view.

I mean look at the way Mr Charming comes back into the picture, with a chivalrous story about his ex and her kids....please, If I had a dime every time a guy explained a story only mentioned the positive aspects of himself that just made him look like a "great guy"...oh so supportive, so responsible in dealing with his past and his emotions, yet still on dating site..but hmm let's overlook that part because the guy is acting charming right?

I swear, sometimes women couldn't make it easier for them to be manipulated by such sad stories men tell...all being the helpless victims and pawns..just trying make the best of things

This is going to be the type of guy that talks his way out of everything and gives half-truths and you'll be naive enough to take the truth to the bank because I mean, men are all so honest right? you neeever hear of men lying to get who or what they want.

You're just an option, not a priority...the priority fell through so now he's falling back to his backup. He knew what he was doing the whole time he was talking to you, don't be that foolish, she just didn't surprise show up one day in fact he probably had several other women on the line as well.

Now he's making it like you were the one he should have chosen, lol...never heard that one before.

He's a con man, don't buy the BS....he fronts with one thing but keeps the behind the scenes...the truths, hidden.

If he couldn't stick around from the get go and follow through after that, don't believe it....not with men. Men test boundaries and this is the first push.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas

July 14, 2012

If you're expecting to live in a world where a person does not value any of the investment made previously in others (as demonstrated by the OP's story) then you might as well expect to be tossed aside by a current lover just as soon as somebody with (a) bigger _ _ _ _ or more money comes along.

The person you land, in that sort of world, won't be in touch with their own family, they'll have no interest-in, or respect for your family, and certainly won't want to share children with you.

July 14, 2012

As a man, I say no.

I know if a woman pulled this on me she'd get a chuckle and a quick no thrown her way.

You get one opportunity to date me. When I ask you.

Anything besides a yes is a no in my book.

Don't come back saying "i wasn't ready, but now i am", or "can you give me another chance", or anything like that.

You disappear on me, you're done. I don't give second chances when it comes to dating. All sales are final.

Why give someone a second chance when you can give someone a better a first chance.

July 14, 2012

I would give him a shot.

This happened to me few years back. I went out with a guy once, great date, great chemistry then I never heard from him again. Then 6 months later he calls me, explains that he got back together with his ex and it didn't work out. I gave him a shot and we dated for a few months, I ended up not falling for him and I broke it off. He actually texted me for months afterwards... So yeah, dynamics completely changed.

yeah but maybe she's not looking for the illusion of control and the relief from insecurity that it brings.

July 14, 2012

I call bull**** on this from a mans point of view.

I mean look at the way Mr Charming comes back into the picture, with a chivalrous story about his ex and her kids....please, If I had a dime every time a guy explained a story only mentioned the positive aspects of himself that just made him look like a "great guy"...oh so supportive, so responsible in dealing with his past and his emotions, yet still on dating site..but hmm let's overlook that part because the guy is acting charming right?

I swear, sometimes women couldn't make it easier for them to be manipulated by such sad stories men tell...all being the helpless victims and pawns..just trying make the best of things

This is going to be the type of guy that talks his way out of everything and gives half-truths and you'll be naive enough to take the truth to the bank because I mean, men are all so honest right? you neeever hear of men lying to get who or what they want.

You're just an option, not a priority...the priority fell through so now he's falling back to his backup. He knew what he was doing the whole time he was talking to you, don't be that foolish, she just didn't surprise show up one day in fact he probably had several other women on the line as well.

Now he's making it like you were the one he should have chosen, lol...never heard that one before.

He's a con man, don't buy the BS....he fronts with one thing but keeps the behind the scenes...the truths, hidden.

If he couldn't stick around from the get go and follow through after that, don't believe it....not with men. Men test boundaries and this is the first push.

I did see something missing in his email that I didn't like. No apology whatsoever. No, 'I'm sorry for being a rude, jerk and just falling off the face of the earth with no explanation'. Which is the main reason why I haven't responded to him.

I'm not easily manipulated. I've been expose to people (a lot who are family) who are masters in the mind game of manipulation. I can read in between the lines in this email. Trust me, I'm very reluctant in responding to his email with friendly acceptance.

I think most men are full of ****. I always have felt that way. I know if I ever decided to date this man that I will have to be very cautious of his every move and word that comes out of his mouth.

While dating I never believed (maybe it's intuition) that I'm the only woman that a man is interested in/dating and/or seeing. Even when I was in a relationship I sometimes felt that way. Men can be very deceiving. I've seen it too many times in countless relationships where men act like they were good men (to get what they need) when they never were any good in the first place.

Of course, he is only telling his side of the story. A con man? Possibly so but I think that's a bit extreme.

July 14, 2012

We met online, for two weeks we had a few phone conversations and many texts. We had great chemistry and set a date to meet in person. Then he disappears with no explanation. Almost four months later he emails me this letter.

Hi beauty...... been a while....... I know this may be ill-advised, & that either 1) you just may not want to hear from me or 2) may have already moved on, but I have had alot going on over the last 3 1/2 months since we spoke..... but I would like to start over & reconnect..... & if you'll like the same that would be great but to be honest & fair about that chance, here's the beginning of what happened.......

......... I don't know if I told you about the ex of mine that was from Illinois, but to try to shorten the whole version, she wanted to move back here as we both obviously had strong feelings for each other. So she did. & it was basically two good weeks & then hell afterward for me. I found out she was pregnant by the ex she left. & from that point, the entire relationship stalled & regressed. I stuck it out because she was trying to find a place for herself & her children, & I didn't feel comfortable putting a pregnant woman w/ children on the street. When that proved unsuccessful, she decided to just move back. Even though she left on good terms w/ me, it did give me the closure I never had w/ her in that she & I will never work. I needed time to let that go w/o taking that failure out of a relationship out on anyone. Now that I have, I want to reconnect w/ the one person I should have really pursued & that is you.

So there is the jist of it, so if you would like to reconnect, or at least talk it out, then by all means get back to me. & if not, I completely understand, & I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Does he deserve another chance or not? What would you do?

If that avatar is really you, I don't see any logical reason to be doing any form of online dating. Unless something's seriously wrong.

July 14, 2012

I did see something missing in his email that I didn't like. No apology whatsoever. No, 'I'm sorry for being a rude, jerk and just falling off the face of the earth with no explanation'. Which is the main reason why I haven't responded to him.

I'm not easily manipulated. I've been expose to people (a lot who are family) who are masters in the mind game of manipulation. I can read in between the lines in this email. Trust me, I'm very reluctant in responding to his email with friendly acceptance.

I think most men are full of ****. I always have felt that way. I know if I ever decided to date this man that I will have to be very cautious of his every move and word that comes out of his mouth.

While dating I never believed (maybe it's intuition) that I'm the only woman that a man is interested in/dating and/or seeing. Even when I was in a relationship I sometimes felt that way. Men can be very deceiving. I've seen it too many times in countless relationships where men act like they were good men (to get what they need) when they never were any good in the first place.

Of course, he is only telling his side of the story. A con man? Possibly so but I think that's a bit extreme.

For you to sound this bitter about men, why don't you forget about us? I can see that you have no real understanding of men, which is why you're feeling this way.

July 14, 2012

If that avatar is really you, I don't see any logical reason to be doing any form of online dating. Unless something's seriously wrong.

I was thinking the same exact thing!

July 14, 2012

For you to sound this bitter about men, why don't you forget about us? I can see that you have no real understanding of men, which is why you're feeling this way.

That response was to a man who assumed I was naive, stupid or foolish.

Maybe I am bitter. I recently broke up with my ex who broke my heart.

July 14, 2012

If that avatar is really you, I don't see any logical reason to be doing any form of online dating. Unless something's seriously wrong.

I date from online and offline.

Sign In

The online disappearing act

Recommended Posts

Kcelleste

leftfordead2

irc333

YellowShark

Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

Ruby65

Kcelleste

Kcelleste

Kcelleste

Ninjainpajamas

SincereOnlineGuy

MrCastle

thatone

Kcelleste

Shaun-Dro

Shaun-Dro

nessaaa

Kcelleste

Kcelleste

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...