Lastseenhere Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Well, it's been a long time since I posted here. But I'm back for more advice. My previous posts are regarding a cheating ex and how all my Friends stayed on her side. So I lost A BUNCH of my closest "friends" Well I tried to reunite with these old friends a couple years ago and quickly had a falling out. So really my best friend is my girlfriend. Who I've been seeing for about 2 1/2 years. We are each others bestfriends as she doesn't have alot of friends either. We have the best time together and we go out alot just me and her. But I do have a few friends that we really like but they never invite us to go anywhere. I spent a couple weeks off work just to chill out. That's when I realized I don't have any friends lol. I spent weeks at home by myself while my girlfriend was at work. I really don't know what I'm trying to ask, but i will say 6 or so years ago i had a group of friends and we hung out almost everyday. Now I don't have anyone. I dont even have enough friends for grooms man. It's actually just depressing when i think about it. I see on Facebook all the time all my old highschool friends hanging out with my ex-fiancé. Ugh.. People have no loyalty. Wish I could just be happy staying at home by myself. There's a lot more to this but I'll stop here, im starting to think I should talk to somebody one on one about this. I dunno...
pink_sugar Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 May I ask the reason for the falling out and your age? Sadly, I've learned as time goes on that friends sometimes drift apart or you're simply getting older and having different interests. I only have a few close friends I don't see very often. We're all somewhat loners, but we also have a lot going on in our adult lives than high school. Sometimes I feel bad for my husband, because it seems like he doesn't hang out with his friends as often as he did before he met me and I wonder if it's because of me. All his friends are from high school as well. Three of them are close, 2 of them hang out together on a regular basis. The other doesn't really have much money and has a lot going on in his own life like my H. It may not be because of me, but my husband is only slightly older 1-2 years older and married, whereas they are all single (one of them has a long term relationship). They are also really into comics, gaming and anime in a hardcore way for men in their late twenties. My husband and I are finishing school and want to have a career and family. So I think part of it is just having their own lives and separation of interests with age. At lease you have your girlfriend. You're not 100% alone. If you really want to have more friends, try joining a hobby type club. In other words, put yourself out there.
Author Lastseenhere Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Thank you. I'm 27 years old and my girlfriend is 24. My fallout was because of their own drunk stupidity. Me and my girlfriend went to see a couple that was really good friends with me at one time. This was the first time they met my new girlfriend. They were still very close to my ex (whom I was with for 5 years). Long story short, we were left stranded about 60 miles From home. Both of our cell phones were dead, we had no idea whose house we were at (they brought us there). I paid a stranger across the street to drive me to a pay phone to call someone to pick us up. It was a really really bad night for me and my girlfriend. I do have someone i could call a best friend but he lives about an hour Away do we only hang out on occasion. Me and my girlfriend are getting a house built which will move house a little further away. We do plan on marriage and kids. I love my girlfriend very much but I wish we had other couples to hang out with. You mentioned hobbies, ive tried thinking about what i could do. Maybe I'll pick up mountain biking. I know a few friends that do.
pink_sugar Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Honestly, you are better off without friends like that. They may have been drunk, but still no excuse to treat a friend like that. Did you cut ties with them or did they cut ties with you? If they are friends with your ex, could this have been a prank pulled on you and your current girlfriend? IMO I think it's time to make new friends. You sound more mature then them. Are they the same age? My brother is 27 and still cannot control his drinking and beer fetish. It sounds like you're ready to live a mature adult life...your ex-friends are not. My husband is almost 29 and his friends are 27 and 28. Some people take awhile to mature and some never mature. My dad is one of them. Good for you for getting out there and meeting new people. 2
january2011 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 You'll have to start from scratch. As pink_sugar wrote, it's common to drift apart from your friends as you age. Accepting that you have to let people go is a common part of adult life, in my opinion. You really don't have to keep going back to the same pool of friends from "way back when" trying to nurture bonds with people who don't want to be in your life. Therefore I suggest meeting new people: volunteering, adult ed classes, local community events, Meetup.com. And unfriending everyone on Facebook who deserted you. 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I liked what Pink Sugar and January had to say...January, you give good advice. I think a lot of people grow apart from the friends they had in high school or sometimes even college. That's pretty normal. You kind of see who your real friends are the older you get. OP, sounds like it's time to make new friends. Your old friends don't sound like your missing out on much. As January said, you just got to put yourself out there a bit. 2
Author Lastseenhere Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 Y'all are very right. I sometimes get depressed thinking about how I use to have many friends but now I only have a couple. I don't see why I would even want to be any of their friends again. And you're right, most of them deserted me. I have other friends that i don't like to associate with because of there problems. Some use drugs. Some cheat on their loved ones. Im finally starting to believe I am emotionally unstable. When my ex of 5 years left (along with all my friends) it was the hardest time in my life. I quickly got into another relationship (my current one) which hasn't always been healthy. We had a very rough start to our relationship. And I still hold stuff against her that she did years ago. She's a changed person now. But because how lonely I felt then and now. I realized that I have to be in a relationship. I'm very dependent on my girlfriend. And even though we've had bad and good times. I can't imagine going through another break up again. I guess I just started another issue. I really would like to speak to a counselor. Any suggestions on how to find one? 3
january2011 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I'd start with your doctor and get a recommendation from him/her. I imagine that it's a lot to take on for your girlfriend if you are solely dependent on her for your emotional health and social support. As well as working with a therapist, I suggest that you continue to try to get out there more and make some more friends and acquaintances. Even if you're just saying, "hi," to regulars at Meetup groups, it will be better than nothing. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 You are going to be just fine Lastseenhere. Realizing the things you struggle with is the first step and it takes a strong man to admit that rather then ignore it! Getting help for it means being even stronger. 2
MuscleCarFan Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Friends who abandon you (and your girlfriend) in the middle of nowhere 60 miles away, are no friends at all. Do as my wife (pink_sugar) said and try to go out and meet people. As for looking for a counselor, call whatever company provides your benefits (be it Kaiser, Aetna, etc) and find out phone numbers for their in-network counselors.
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