kahn2154 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I've been a social introvert my entire life, never made much of an effort to meet people, always hoping it would come to me. Over the last year I did 180, basically just focusing nothing but meeting people/girls. Through online sites, meetups, street etc. After a year I really accomplished nothing and was down in the dumps. I finally met a girl that liked me, went out for three weeks, and then I blew it. She went from being completely into me, nearly jumping up and down when I asked her out on third date during second....to just completely ignoring me. I completely rattled my brain as to why. I could of lost my virginity a previous date, but had no condom, and was expecting to finally lose it the last date it had. But she just wanted no part of me anymore I guess. Then added fuel to the fire, had a family emergency and was stressed out for a week, sent her two texts I really regret sending. I'm guessing I came off needy, I have a hard time meeting people, but whenever I do I seem to chase them away/they never want to be more than an acquaintance. It just hurts that that I don't know if another opportunity will come up anytime soon. For all my trying in the last year I've had dates with 5 girls, and this is the only one that ever went anywhere... I know the common advice is to move on, but I just have nothing to move onto. I've tried asking out girls since then but maybe I come off as desperate because most of them want nothing to do with me. I'd also like to somehow repair this into at least long distance friendship, is that feasible or did I mess it up? I guess just a bit of a vent, but I'm just sick and tired of being completely alone
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Credit where it's due. Good job going against the grain of your introverted tendencies. That's a difficult step to take, but an extremely important one. You are on the right track. Be a man. That's right be a man. When you screw up, learn your lesson, then let it go. Don't fuss over it. The game of dating is if you focus on one person this early, you lose. Dating is about numbers. It's more important to be able to generate new options than to play the perfect game with one woman. Because the woman you're dating is a complete individual. She can make her own decisions. You cannot control another human being, nor should you try. So even if you can play the perfect game, and she may choose to bail anyway. So the solution is, always have the ability to generate other new options. So this is a lesson. Now you know not to send messages that you regret, keep your emotions in check even when you are stressed out. In fact, the worst you should ever do is to ask for space. But really, life is more important than women. So if you have some life situation happen, you made the right choice to take care of life and drop the woman. And the next lesson is your mental game. Don't let this "alone" thing get to you. Keep it at home. Dating is fun and casual. There will be a place for serious later. Put on your dating face when you leave the house. Anyway, take care of your life, then go get the next girl. And the next. And the next. And the next. ...etc. 2
Ami1uwant Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 When they say they have a family emergency or sudden stree at work and didnt volunteer this info to you first...but it only came out when you ask why you didnt call.....its because they are pulling away from you. Why this happened...who knows....it could be because you didnt sleep with her when you had the chance thus she took it as you werent interested in you and then pulled away.
Author kahn2154 Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 When they say they have a family emergency or sudden stree at work and didnt volunteer this info to you first...but it only came out when you ask why you didnt call.....its because they are pulling away from you. Why this happened...who knows....it could be because you didnt sleep with her when you had the chance thus she took it as you werent interested in you and then pulled away. I'm the one that had the family emergency that caused me to send some really bad texts. I'm kind of thinking the not sleeping with her when I had the chance might be the reason, and boy do I regret that now.
mortensorchid Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 First, good job on getting out and meeting others. It's not an easy thing to do, but once you make yourself do it you will get into it more. Keep going at that. As to your neediness, perhaps you need to see a shrink on this issue. Maybe it's something deeper than your want/need to be in a relationship.
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I'm the one that had the family emergency that caused me to send some really bad texts. I'm kind of thinking the not sleeping with her when I had the chance might be the reason, and boy do I regret that now. It wasn't about that. If a woman likes you, you can get away with A LOT. Not prepared isn't a big deal. Normally when this happens, she would back off, because women have been brainwashed by society that wanting sex = slut. So if she comes to you a second time for sex, that makes her look bad. So normally, you have to pick up the ball and run with it. Play your role as the man, and go for it. If she's still interested, then all is good. But in this case, she lost interest. Why? Who knows? Women change their minds every 5 seconds. Even if you had mind blowing sex, she could still bail out. So really, don't bother figuring women out. It's impossible. This is experience. You learn more from failures than successes. So this is to prepare you for the next woman.
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