linzfergie Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 The guy I have been dating for 4 months sometimes likes to put me down and make fun of me as a way of flirting... Or he says things like "you should smile more." Which instead of making me smile, makes me upset like he thinks I need to "fix" something about myself. If he had said "you have a pretty smile" I would smile more! He often says things like "you will understand when you live on your own" in a sarcastic way but as a jab at the fact I still live with my parents and he doesnt. Am I being too sensitive? I think if he complimented me more and flirted with me in a nicer way I could let these remarks roll off my back but they seem to be his way of flirting rather than getting "mushy" and saying sweet things... What should I do? Tell him it bothers me? Put him down in a joking manner and see how he feels? (Which I really dont enjoy doing.)
stillafool Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Next time he says a stupid, sarcastic remark say to him "Did it ever occur to you that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar?" Smile your prettiest smile, walk away and shake your hips. It will leave him weak. Good luck.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Yep, overly-sensitive. I love sarcasm and most of my bfs found my sense of humor offensive
utterer of lies Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Next time he says a stupid, sarcastic remark say to him "Did it ever occur to you that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar?" Smile your prettiest smile, walk away and shake your hips. It will leave him weak. Good luck. I think that's bad advice. Don't do that. Instead, grow some thicker skin. Even if his jokes might sometimes seem insensitive to you, they do show that he is thinking about you. 1
mortensorchid Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I am a very stone faced person, I rarely smile unless something makes me laugh. Why? Not sure, I guess I am in a relaxed stance at all times and to me that doesn't mean smiling. Just how I am. People have made such comments to me before. I said "I'm fine, really, I just don't feel like smiling much." I've noticed that people tend to get the things they want when they learn to flirt (and if you'll notice this in little children, children learn that tactic early on that those who give out bright smiles and give out a "look how cute I am" vibe to others, they will respond). When they do not encounter someone who does not give out smiles like that, they tend to react strangely. 1
stillafool Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I think that's bad advice. Don't do that. Instead, grow some thicker skin. Even if his jokes might sometimes seem insensitive to you, they do show that he is thinking about you. Well I think it is good advice. Why shouldn't she let him know how she feels instead of growing thicker skin and having to hear his stupid comments every day? I think he is flirting with her and doesn't know how to do it properly. At least she is letting him know what she likes.
january2011 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) I suggest, "I don't like the way you talk to me," or "I don't agree," or "what makes you say that?" Having said that, I think that the examples you gave are mild and I wouldn't consider them flirting. They're just remarks - there doesn't seem to be any flirtatious quality to them. However, perhaps because I'm not there to witness them: his tone of voice, his body language, etc make a difference. Based on the information you've presented, I do think that you're being overly sensitive. However, perhaps there's more to the story than just the couple of examples you've given. I don't think it's clear from your OP that his intention is to hurt you. Why would he want to do that? I suggest that you need to either change your situation: change him into someone that you want to be around and spend time with (with his agreement), find someone better suited to your temperament or change your perception of his remarks by finding out what's behind them - at the moment, without evidence as to his intentions, it seems that you're reading a lot into his comments and that they're intended to cause you pain. In a best case scenario, they are a clumsy attempt to draw you out so that he gets some indication that you're actually happy to be in this relationship with him. At the moment, you don't seem that happy. Edited July 14, 2012 by january2011
MikeyBe Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 He sounds like a sarcastic guy, I would say you're over-reacting a bit. If it really bothered you then you probably wouldn't be dating him. Or shouldn't anyway.
carhill Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Welcome to LS 1. Could be 'negging', a style sometimes practiced and often advertised as a way of keeping some women in the game. At four months in, with comments which could be considered negging well in play, I'd say a modicum of success, if success is indicated by your continuing fidelity and attention. 2. Could be a sarcastic communication style. Evidence of this would be in his interactions with people in general. Compare. If he speaks to everyone this way, friend, family or stranger, then that's his style. You decide if compatible or not. 3. Could be controlling; if this style, you would have to reflect back upon his words and actions in the beginning and process the dynamic over time. If he was sweet in the beginning and gradually 'soured the milk' as you invested more emotionally, then controlling could be in play. I would say that 'being too sensitive' could be in play if you routinely take offense to similar comments from people you trust and know and feel you are loved by. Loved ones may often 'rib' each other but the underlying current is of respect and care. The ribbing is situational humor. Good luck.
Ruby65 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I'll disagree with everyone and say to trust your instincts. If something about the way he's speaking to you bothers you or sets off an internal alarm, address it. Be aware that emotionally abusive people often begin in very small, subtle ways to undermine your self-confidence. It's a way of setting themselves up as being in a position of control in the relationship.
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