counterman Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I'm currently 21 with a couple more years left at university. I've had several dates through out my university life but nothing has been past the first date. I've had ONE relationship which lasted half a year and ended horribly. I'm still a virgin. And all I think about is sex. Last semester, I cold approached many girls and had a few dates as a result. However, I'm still not satisfied with the way things are going... When I started university, I made friends with the wrong people and recently, things went really sour and basically I'm left with no group to hang out with. Also, they were never supportive of my dating life and always put me down due to their own lack of success in dating. In conjunction with other things, I just couldn't hang out with them anymore. Furthermore, I've never really had a good social life as long as I can remember. My family is very conservative and have drilled into my mind how I should fear venturing to the city especially at night, due to the bouts of stabbings and other incidents that resulted in deaths. So I have stayed mostly at home on Friday and Saturday nights. For a while, all I wanted to do was go to clubs and pick up girls... but I would have to catch the train to the central district and getting home would be a problem. I have this fear that something might happen to me. Now, I'm confused as to what I should do. Should I work on building my social life and finding new friends? How do I go about this? Should I continue to cold-approach girls? It seems as though this is the only way for me to meet girls I am attracted to. What about after uni, when I don't have that much free time and I'm occupied with full-time work? I don't see myself meeting that many girls after uni...
january2011 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I don't see myself meeting that many girls after uni... That's dependent on your job, location and how much effort you put into expanding your world. For example, you can try Meetup.com, adult education classes, volunteering, local community events, professional membership associations and online dating. You don't have to limit yourself to cold-approaching in clubs and bars. With regard to the fear of going out in the evenings, if that's really affecting your quality of life, perhaps it's worth talking to a therapist and looking into self-help. Otherwise, a relocation to a safer area might be worth considering.
thatone Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 you should take some time and go everywhere your parents told you not to go. when it clicks in your mind that everything they taught you was wrong, you can start to decide what kind of adult you want to be and everything should be relatively simple after that.
Author counterman Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 That's dependent on your job, location and how much effort you put into expanding your world. For example, you can try Meetup.com, adult education classes, volunteering, local community events, professional membership associations and online dating. You don't have to limit yourself to cold-approaching in clubs and bars. With regard to the fear of going out in the evenings, if that's really affecting your quality of life, perhaps it's worth talking to a therapist and looking into self-help. Otherwise, a relocation to a safer area might be worth considering. Looks likely that I will be staying in my current city.... but property prices are very high, so I don't know, I may move. Thanks for the examples of what I could try. I've been meaning to take an adult cooking class and volunteer as well. You're right, I don't have to just got to bars and clubs (although I would love to give it a try at least and see how it goes). As for online dating, at my height, I'm reluctant to try... but we'll see It is affecting my quality of life. Even though I do prefer going on in the day, I just wish I was out more on, say, a Friday night. Because of the incidents of alcohol abuse and assaults from that, my parents and brother have a fear that something may happen if I do go out. It's a HUGE argument everytime I just want to go out for dinner with my friends. I think I might try some self-help first and perhaps therapy later... you should take some time and go everywhere your parents told you not to go. when it clicks in your mind that everything they taught you was wrong, you can start to decide what kind of adult you want to be and everything should be relatively simple after that. That's the thing, I've tried a few things they were reluctant to let me try... and I only managed to convince them it was ok because I had a reliable friend there. With my current situation, I have no friends. It's time became an adult. I still like a kid sometimes
Emilia Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 It is affecting my quality of life. Even though I do prefer going on in the day, I just wish I was out more on, say, a Friday night. Because of the incidents of alcohol abuse and assaults from that, my parents and brother have a fear that something may happen if I do go out. It's a HUGE argument everytime I just want to go out for dinner with my friends. I think I might try some self-help first and perhaps therapy later... [...] That's the thing, I've tried a few things they were reluctant to let me try... and I only managed to convince them it was ok because I had a reliable friend there. With my current situation, I have no friends. It's time became an adult. I still like a kid sometimes You are an adult, it's none of your family's business what you do and where you go. Move out of your parents' house to a house share. Take a part-time job to pay for it. Be independent, be an adult. I left home when I was 20 to move to a country (the UK) where I barely spoke the language. I had to take a s***ty job first but that didn't kill me.
Author counterman Posted August 1, 2012 Author Posted August 1, 2012 You are an adult, it's none of your family's business what you do and where you go. Move out of your parents' house to a house share. Take a part-time job to pay for it. Be independent, be an adult. I left home when I was 20 to move to a country (the UK) where I barely spoke the language. I had to take a s***ty job first but that didn't kill me. You're right - I guess that's the only way to truly be free of the my family constraints. I will be looking to move out after I finish my studies I guess. At the moment, I have a pretty stable job which earns decent enough coin for me, as a college student, but not enough to pay rent and live near campus. With the rent prices increasing, it's near impossible for me to make it comfortably and I would rather not go through that at the moment with my most important years at uni ahead. BUT, I will definitely be moving out after my studies....
Emilia Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 You're right - I guess that's the only way to truly be free of the my family constraints. I will be looking to move out after I finish my studies I guess. At the moment, I have a pretty stable job which earns decent enough coin for me, as a college student, but not enough to pay rent and live near campus. With the rent prices increasing, it's near impossible for me to make it comfortably and I would rather not go through that at the moment with my most important years at uni ahead. BUT, I will definitely be moving out after my studies.... I suspect if you really wanted to move you would and perhaps commute longer. There is no such thing as the perfect circumstances. Alas, you prefer to stay at home and be controlled by your parents rather than set out on your own.
Imajerk17 Posted August 1, 2012 Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Well, the short answer is that many many people meet their future spouse AFTER college. And quite a few of these have a few relationships between college and the time they settle down. So don't fret about "the best part of your life" ending after graduation. The rest of your 20s can be just as much fun but with a lot more money. When it comes time to pick a job after college, where you live is important. Pick a (larger) city where you can see yourself building a life AND where there are single girls. I'd say to be wary of small towns. And make it a point to build a life for yourself. A person can't be work/eat/sleep. Take classes/hobbies where you are likely to grow OR there are likely to be women you'd like to date. Edited August 1, 2012 by Imajerk17
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