lover4721 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So, brief explanation of these two girls I'm talking about. My ex and I dated for a year and 6 months, then she cheated on me with her now 'ex.' They dated right after, and then broke off. She had interest with going back to me, but I didn't completely trust her because they were talking. He had said some very hurtful things, saying I've hit her, etc,. and she said that's why they broke up. Which, I did completely none of that. He has threatened me a few times, and I did nothing but ignore him - he wasn't worth it. She says 'I'm done with him' to her friends ALL the time. She actually made him and his recent ex breakup, because he cheated, but my ex has YET to get over him. Oddly enough, it seems as if she has made NO effort at all, for her and I to get back together... Yet, always telling me she loves me the most and can't find a guy like me. Ha. I was also the first one at her accident she has had. Her friend sent her to the hospital for saying she wanted to commit suicide, and NOW she is friends with her again. :| So that's her. NOW, this distant girl I was introduced to on OkCupid. It has seemed our friendship was completely and truly amazing at the start. It seemed as if we missed each other physically, without meeting. I saw her Twitter, and found out she was STILL stuck on someone as well. When we talked, I completely forgot about my ex, and had absolutely NO feelings for her, I only wanted the best for her. So, after finding out about someone else she was looking into, I stopped pursuing her - only because she said I was the only one she was pursuing. I want a girl who is down right tight with who she wants. This friendship was AMAZING. She always said how she doesn't deserve me, and how she didn't want to lose me, etc. NOW, BOTH of these girls are going back to people who hurt them, but shows completely NO interest at all for me. :| My ex and I had it all, it was the best relationship in the world. Then, it altered. The distant girl, only 50 miles away, also said I was the best thing in the world, and she truly showed it as well, not only saying it. But somehow, she posted on Twitter about someone who has hurt her repeatedly, but she still loves him. My ex, ALSO said the same thing about her ex, the one that she cheated on me for. She says "We've been through SO much, but it will keep me closer to you <3" Now this isn't what I understand. I don't treat women like ***. I am completely loyal and honest. I have a girlfriend, that is the only girl I need. With my ex's ex, he's actually interested in his ex, and my ex... My ex is interested in like 5 guys, NO lie. What I don't understand is, why do girls want guys who completely trashed their lives? But, they'll ignore a guy who has been there for them through it all, through abusive family issues, emotion issues, etc.? All I want to know is, what am I doing wrong? Should I be messaging these girls and hurting them? haha I don't even know how to do that. Based on my research, and seeing my friends on facebook, it honestly doesn't look like I'm going to find a relationship because I'm not 'material' to what girls are looking for... Could it be because I actually respond? I think it seems like when both of them text message me, my ex never does, but it seems as if they are more happy. Someone once said to me on here, don't be someones side meal. When my ex was dating her ex that she now loves lol, I didn't reply to her one text message and she almost seemed worried that she was losing me. So she texted me again and she was curious if I had a girlfriend... I said no, and she said haha okay just wondering, and then went on living her life. She also wanted another 'chance.' lol while dating that kid. they're both screwed up so much. I think that's my issue though... It seems like if they both know I'm here and waiting, they go on and ignore me, and come back a month after. Is that my problem? I'm really just trying to figure out what everyone else has. A lot of girls on facebook are with some trashy guys that treat them really badly, but it seems like I'm the opposite - but I could never attract women like other guys can.
Philosoraptor Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 You need to adjust your people picker. You seem to have a thing for saving emotionally broken girls who need rather than want. It's referred to as a white knight complex. I was the same way back in the day. I've since adjusted my people picker and only date girls who are confident in themselves and won't flake out on me. Amazing how much nicer it is to date someone sure of themselves. Simply enough they want the ex but like having you there as a backup option for when things get bad again. You're allowing yourself to be used because you have no confidence in yourself. I promise you can get a good woman by just being yourself, as long as you are happy and confident in who you are. 2
KatZee Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Love is blind. I stayed with my ex after he confessed to cheating. After he started taking me for granted and just expecting me to always go out of my way for him. After he started emotionally abusing me by playing the "ignore game" by criticizing me and picking apart who I was as a person. After I found out he was a chronic liar. I did truly love him and I just couldn't comprehend knowing that I'd given so much, and he could be so cruel. I kept thinking he'd come around. Things would change. Of course that's never the case... haha.
rAFC Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) Abuse and other poor treatment creates emotions, emotions create a "high" and the "high" creates attachment (addiction). Being nice and sweet doesn't create emotions, so while they might LIKE you, no emotional "high" has been created and therefor no attachment has been formed. Once a woman has been abused and stuck with the abuser, she will never be satisfied with normal "boring" guys again (without extensive therapy anyway), she may not "like" being abused but she may never figure out why she keeps going back to abusive relationships like a drug addict chasing a fix. Edited July 13, 2012 by rAFC 1
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