ihateslowjams Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So, in relationships, are you never supposed to give yourself fully to the other person? I've been reading a lot about doormats and no more mr. Nice guy and they all talk about how it'll keep the other person interested. If you're in love, do u have to pretend that your not so your SO doesn't lose interest in you? I don't get this. I've always believed that once i "fall in love" (after a considerable amount of time) I'm supposed to be available to the other person just in case of problems and to provide a sense of trust. I don't mean being with them every minute, but if they need to reach me, ill pick up the call or return it asap. Or if they need to get their oil change and I have a day off, ill get it done for them while they're at work so they have more time to themselves on their day off. I'm starting to believe that I shouldn't ever do this or even open up to another gf like my last relationship. So what's the correct way of showing you're "in love"? Or are you always supposed to keep your guard up just in case of many years later, your SO loses that love? Hmmm...
Pyro Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) what you wrote in parenthesis is key. Don't proclaim your love or show emotions too soon because that will scare the other person off. Once enough time passes you will know if it's right. The rest is all about balance. Don't give too much (Don't be needy) but make sure you give enough. Finding that perfect healthy balance is what makes a successful relationship. Don't pretend anything in a relationship unless you want it to be short-term. Just to add: NEVER purposely get involved in a relationship if you have any reasons to believe that you have to hide your true self to your partner. You will never be truly happy and you will doubt your relationship. (There is someone here who got involved with someone while still holding on to past baggage and they are utterly miserable) Please don't become that person. Edited July 13, 2012 by Pyro
Philosoraptor Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Just be who you are and do what feels naturally. I'm quite open myself and it's never been an issue for me. It just comes down to using your people picker correctly and finding good matches. 1
CopingGal Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So, in relationships, are you never supposed to give yourself fully to the other person? I've been reading a lot about doormats and no more mr. Nice guy and they all talk about how it'll keep the other person interested. If you're in love, do u have to pretend that your not so your SO doesn't lose interest in you? I don't get this. I've always believed that once i "fall in love" (after a considerable amount of time) I'm supposed to be available to the other person just in case of problems and to provide a sense of trust. I don't mean being with them every minute, but if they need to reach me, ill pick up the call or return it asap. Or if they need to get their oil change and I have a day off, ill get it done for them while they're at work so they have more time to themselves on their day off. I'm starting to believe that I shouldn't ever do this or even open up to another gf like my last relationship. So what's the correct way of showing you're "in love"? Or are you always supposed to keep your guard up just in case of many years later, your SO loses that love? Hmmm... Okay listen, let your walls down, open your heart, become vulnerable and love, love love....BUT do it with someone who: 1-Has proven they are worthy 2-You can actually trust your heart with 3-Doesn't play games 4-You actually know. None of this 2 week or 2 month crap. Take your time. Take your time. Get to know the person. 5-Does not lie again and again Only then should you open yourself up. If you do all of this, and you start catching the person in lies, or the person starts being mean to you, etc., pull the walls up.
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