JSJS Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I had been dating a girl I work with for around 2 months and we broke up a few weeks ago but agreed to remain friends. I thought this was a good idea since we will meet in the office and I didn't want any tension at work. For the first week we continued to text occasionally and also went out for dinner after work one evening which was her suggestion but I willingly went. Last Thursday and Friday her replies to my texts were very short and to the point with no questions etc. I called her to see was everything OK and she was rude to me. I didn't contact her over the weekend. I saw her at work on Monday and she looked a bit miserable so I texted her to say hello and ask did she want to chat and she said she didn't. There was no more contact until Wednesday when she texted me to say "Are you ok? You look tired?". I replied "I'm fine thanks". I know this was a curt, to-the-point message but I'd had enough of her replies and wasn't trying to leave any opportunity for a reply. There has been no more contact since but I genuinely feel bad about my text and was wondering should I text again to see how she is or apologise for being so blunt. Keen to hear any thoughts. Thanks!
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 No.. But I would suggest a friendly and polite hello, "how are you" next time you see her. Not to expect an answer, but to pass on the message that you two are in good terms. I wouldn't text her anymore, it complicates things at work, go back to being two professionals working in the same office. 1
k100danny Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 One thing I think friends don't have to do is apologise. Now this may sound stupid but think about it, if your friend is a little short with you because they are tired do you expect an apology? Maybe if they are very rude but I think what i'm trying to say is are you wanting to contact her because you want to be her friend? Your message wasn't rude, maybe to the point but certainly not something that you need to feel guilty about. a real friendship will be hard at the minute but you can stay on good terms, being friendly will take time until youve both moved on. 1
Author JSJS Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the replies. I certainly would speak to her if I bump into her in the office - I guess it would be awkward if she didn't speak back. k100danny - the reason I would possibly text her again would be because in hindsight I feel my text was a little rude to her initial one of concern for me. I always ask people how they are and it was uncharacteristic of me to do that. She is travelling at the moment and I was wondering should I text and say I'm sorry my reply was a little short and ask how her trip is going. I just don't know but I know I took no joy in the text I sent and have felt terrible ever since. Edited July 13, 2012 by JSJS
spives Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Do not apologize. It will only help her rationalize the breakup and rude behavior. Apologizing is admitting that you were wrong or that you made a mistake, and in this case you didn't do anything wrong. Being overly-apologetic is a very good way to make yourself look like a huge pushover. In your situation it's sort of tough since you have to see her regularly, but I'd recommend not texting or calling. If you bump into her around the office be polite, but don't use it as an excuse to open a dialogue about the relationship. Let her be the one to initiate communication with you. If she chooses to, be relaxed and nonchalant about it. If she doesn't, it's a pretty sure sign that she doesn't want to pursue the relationship. 2
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