marty453 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I have been with my girlfriend for over five years. This has always been a minor issue, but not really a problem. I just want some opinions. My girlfriend in much more social than me. She likes to go out with her friends to plays, suppers, BBQs, occasional parties, etc. She never goes out to clubs or bars. I've never really hit it off with her friends. They're nice people, but I just don't have much in common with them. The problem is that my gf is always pleading with me to come with her on these outings. I usually go about half the time. But I've told her that I don't really enjoy social outings with this group. But she always hounds me to go with her anyway and I'm not really sure why. Whenever I go, she spends more time socializing with her friends than with me, so I don't even know why she wants me to go with her. I don't like always turning her down, but she keeps asking. So I have to try balancing what I want to do as opposed to what she wants. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Thanks.
MercyRose Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I've been in this exact situation. All I learned is people don't change. She will not become less sociable because you don't want to attend and you shouldn't force yourself to do things you don't want to do. Nobody is right or wrong. It's just boils down to different tastes... To be brutally honest this is a serious compatibility issue. To this day I cringe when I think if i'd stayed with my ex I'd still be going to never ending barbeques and social events with his friends forever. It actually makes my skin crawl and I scrunch up my face! In a relationship you must have similar lifestyles. If how you like to spend your weekend clashes with your partners one of the two will become resentful and miserable to endure what the other wants when it goes against their ideal. You might be able to take it for quite a while yet but you will crack and blow up when your resentment and unhappiness builds up and passes the limit. Tell her how you feel and see what suggestions she makes. Only if you can find a happy compromise together where you both get what you want somehow, will it work. I still think it is highly unlikley but it doesn't hurt to try... There are many elements that make up the criteria for a relationship, almost like a magic formula. I have narrowed it down to afew musts: Chemistry Compatible lifestyles Communication Understanding Effort Trust Respect I believe you need them all...
miz_barby Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I think that it is a really good sign that she asks you along when she goes out with her friends. At least she doesn't exclude you and make you feel that you don't "fit" in her life! I think that you should go with her, just so you two can do things together but there should be times as well that you two do what you want or just hang out alone or whatever makes BOTH of you happy. Relationships are give and take and BOTH have to see that.
Debster Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I am way more social than my fiance however he says it is good that I encourage (albeit sometimes nag) him to see his friends and socialize with our mutual friends. I want to make sure that while we are completely happy just the two of us, we need to have other people in our lives. However, I don't drag him along to every event or night out. In fact, I like to go out sometimes with just the girls - especially if it is shopping. Likewise I encourage him to get together with his friends by himself. There needs to be a balance.
mandy may Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 my boyfriend and i are just like that too. we are so opposite that we often joke about it! he says it is partly sunny and i say it is partly cloudy. he says the opposite of me and i of him. yet we compliment each other and the way we are. unless you want a clone of yourself then just go with it, afer all you are doing it for her, right, and she would do the same for your, right? if it really a major stressor on you then maybe you are with the wrong person.
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