christine393 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I've been dating this wonderful guy for a few months now but we still haven't had the talk. You know, as in "The talk." He recently asked me not to see other people and I find it a little unfair since we haven't discussed being in a relationship yet. I feel as if he's trying to date me and be exclusive without the actual relationship/commitment part. I (obviously) have some baggage from a past relationship where my ex made me feel as if I wasn't good enough and emotionally tried to abuse me. I'm trying to not let it seep into this new relationship.. I'm not needy or clingy (as far as I know! ) I just either would like to be in a relationship or free to date other people. Is that unfair?
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 There's nothing unfair about it. He wants exclusivity, so he asked -- this IS your chance to "discuss" being in a relationship. Different people have different threshold of when exclusivity is appropriate. The fact that he wants it, so he brought up, as opposed to just assuming, means he's being responsible. You, on the other hand, should be responsible by answering him truthfully. If you're ready for exclusivity, say yes. And you demand the same of him. Exclusivity applies to both. If you're not ready, say no, I'm not ready for exclusivity. Then it's up to him to decide if he's willing to continue casually, meaning you both can see other people, or walk away. I recommend multidating. And some people agree. The vast majority of non-multidaters also recognize this as an alternate dating methodology although they themselves won't participate. Then there are a few crazies that will tell you that you're the scum of the earth for multidating. Kind of like everything else in life. Some people wear miniskirts, some people won't wear miniskirts but don't care if you do, and some will say you are the daughter of Satan for wearing miniskirts. Meh, the world is a big place. All kinds of people it in. As far as your abused past, it has nothing to do with "fairness or unfairness" of what has transpired. It'll impact your decision. Maybe you're not ready to take the next step due to the abuse, which is 100% valid and actually a mature, responsible, and considerate answer. But whatever you decide, you have to live with the consequences. So make sure you REALLY think about it and give yourself an honest answer. So far, no one is doing anything wrong. Let's keep it that way. Give him an honest answer and let him decide. Oh, if you change your mind later, it's your own fault. So make sure the answer is a good answer.
Ami1uwant Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 He brought this up after a few months? Usually exclusivity comes up around date 5 or so...roughly a few weeks into it. Why don't you want to be exclusive? Are you dating others? If he is so wonderful...why not talk about this thing between you two?
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