The Tallest One Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Hi all! Just need to vent a little, sorry! Here's the deal, I'm tall 6'3, in good shape, 42 years of age. I have a very good paying full-time job that I've been at for nine years now. I am seperated (4 years now). Not trying to sound shallow or egotistical but I'm not a bad looking guy at all (I have been told by numerous women that I'm very attractive/handsome. I have my own car. I'm not a player, never have been. I don't smoke or have ever used drugs. I only drink once in a while and in moderation when I do. I have two young boys who I love to death and am constantly fighting to see more of. I have never cheated on a partner ever! When I'm in a commited relationship, I make her a priority. Do everything to make her feel special, wanted, desired, appreciated. I like to pamper and spoil from time to time. I'm very affectionate, loving and very giving when it comes to sex. I love to please a women any way she likes. My only major problem is that I am going through bankruptcy and this was the main factor as to why my ex gf dumped me. I realize how important financial security is and I'm doing my best to rebuild my finances and also improve my quality of life. I was a bit of a doormat in my last relationship (she strung me along for fifteen months till she decided she wanted a man who was in the same financial boat as herself and dumped me.) So where do I go from here? Other than my financial situation, am I what women usually look for in a man? What can I do to find a good women who's a better fit for me? What am I not getting or missing? Would love any advice good or bad, thanks so much!
FitChick Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Why aren't you divorced after four years? If you are bankrupt, it sounds like the perfect time to do it because you wouldn't owe your ex anything. 1
Follower Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 you say you have never cheated but honestly i think a lot of women would look at i'm separated for 4 years now but haven't finalized it as "I'm still holding on hope" 1
Author The Tallest One Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 The divorce is being contested over custody, it's been a long and difficult battle. I would love to be divorced long time ago. I am not holding onto ex wife in any way. Never think of her.
Girlboots Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 Honestly, financial situation is very important to woman. Any woman who tells you otherwise is either lying or in it for short term. Does he need to make 6 figures? No. But, if he's making 8 dollars an hour at burger king, I wouldn't consider being with him for life. Women want security and protection. If a guy can hardly support himself or take care of his bills, we're not really going to be with you for a long time. Get your financial situation taken care of. Other than that, you sound like a nice guy. Don't let a woman walk all over you. Be dominant and firm. Let her THINK she has control, but let her know that you're the guy in the relationship. Nice guys usually think giving their woman whatever she wants and spoiling her rotten makes her happy...sometimes it makes it worse. Show her she means the world to you and she's special, but don't let her take control of everything.
Author The Tallest One Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Girlboots, I make thirty dollars an hour forty hours a week. I agree though that women as do men as well, need financial security. I have had compulsive spending issues the majority of my life as well as not being on top of where my money goes every month. I saught professional help for this last year and things have improved some. I will bypass dating until my finances are much improved though.
WordvAction Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Focus on getting your financial problems fixed before you worry about finding a woman
without Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Other than your financial status, based on what you described, you seem an ideal man. 1
2sure Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 I am 46 , divorced almost 2 years and dating (when Im asked, Im not yet actively pursuing anything) . At our age people are either looking to secure their financial status with a partner OR are already secure and its not so much of a factor. Not long ago a man filing bankruptcy would have been a big red flag to me. But now, as long as other things are in order, it doesnt affect me. It happens. And it beats someone who is 10s of thousands in debt which is more common. I guess my point is that you need to meet women who are either willing to live simply or are willing to pay part or all of your way if they want big vacations, stuff like that. Or be ok with your lack of retirement savings. Youre working and have a good job , so thats huge. Ideally it would be a woman with no or grown children - they would be less concerned about your contributions. You might consider meeting women in the kind of places women with more disposable income hang out. Golf course, fund raisers, the slopes, tennis, programs for the arts. Im not kidding. The biggest red flag for me would be your non divorced status. Deal breaker. 3
mario_C Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Dude, your OP is like reading my own bio (except for the divorce and children). What are we doing wrong?Girlboots, I make thirty dollars an hour forty hours a week. I agree though that women as do men as well, need financial security. I have had compulsive spending issues the majority of my life as well as not being on top of where my money goes every month. I saught professional help for this last year and things have improved some. I will bypass dating until my finances are much improved though.You're doing great in that regard. I would love to make $30/hr. Compulsive spending is tough, I agree with you - you create the illusion of needing more money by not managing what you have. And a divorce will exacerbate those financial woes. But wise to forget about dating until you are ready. A new relationship doesn't solve the kind of problems you have. Good luck! PS everyone ignore the troll...
GLDheart Posted July 29, 2012 Posted July 29, 2012 Start by having an answer to each seperate thing. 1. What are you doing about your divorce? ... leaving well enough alone doesn't cut it. 2. Balancing your finances? Are you using a budget of some kind to balance things? 3. Future Planning? Do you have a 5 year plan.. Ten Year? Your answers don't have to be perfect. But, women ATLEAST want to hear that you have your $hit in check.
Author The Tallest One Posted July 31, 2012 Author Posted July 31, 2012 Well I am currently in bankruptcy and have six more months to go! I am working hard to improve my self asteem. I have returned to the gym to workout and also to hopefully open up my social life a bit. It's tough meeting people at 42 years of age. Trying to stay busy, work helps. Just trying to focus on me and my kids at the moment!
NoMagicBullet Posted July 31, 2012 Posted July 31, 2012 I don't see the bankruptcy itself as a problem compared to the spending issues that go you there. A lot of people have lousy financial situations due to any number of reasons: unemployment, foreclosure, etc. Working at controlling your spending and better managing your money is the best thing you can do. Like GLDheart suggested -- you need to have a plan. Only being separated is a big problem. Whether she said it out loud or not, I suspect after a more than a year of the status quo (after a few years of separation already), your girlfriend decided you weren't going to follow through with the divorce and was planning an exit. The bankruptcy was just the extra nudge she needed to leave. Seriously, the first big thing you can do to improve your dating appeal is finalize the divorce. After that, if you can show that you are now managing your money in a much better way, I doubt the bankruptcy will be that much of a block to your dating life.
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