Having an affair with a married woman

July 16, 2012

@Goodguy, i can understnd why you defend her, you are in love. You want to believe her.

Again, try to keep what you feel apart for 1 minute and think.

You are in love with the person you think she is, but she seems she is not. You can not understand now, but you will, soon.

Her actions are already starting to bother you. Let those instincts kick in for a bit.

July 16, 2012

Hi Lady Grey , thanks for the response.

Yeah...doctor gave her 50% chance, so it is kind of warning still to her by the doctor. That will happen only if all the treatments fail , and she fails to ovulate and fails to get pregnant(im not sure about how much pregnancy is related to all this. She told it would balance the hormones in the body to remove the occurrence of PCOs.)

But in any case, as you told I am her sugar daddy. It is not just the money but also the comfort that I provide to her mind by being a very good friend, lover etc etc and being some one who adores her endlessly. She needs all this. She wants all this till the point the things will be completely over between us. That is until she gets pregnant.

But it is difficult for me get over all this because for three and half years I was with the hope that one day she would come to me eventually. If she loved me really, she would have left her non loving husband during the last three years.

She was trying to improve her marriage all the time when we both were having affair , even though her husband was neglecting her totally. (She would keep chatting with me everyday night till 12.30 with webcam turned on and those chat sessions used to be sensuous and erotic).

I definitely think, I am just an add on for her. And the intensity of our relationship would be nothing compared to the one that she has with her husband. Otherwise instead of keeping me as the other man, she would have left her husband for me.

July 16, 2012

She definitely wanted to work on her marriage. But she used to feel inferior to her husband and used to be confused. After I entered her life, it improoved her self confidence and belief in her attractiveness. Then she began to act with confidence, poise and grace and confidence with her husband. Thus what ever confidence she used to get by being with me, she would put that to use to allure her husband. Thus even though me and she have been together for 3 and half years, in the last six months or so she could finally achieve what she wanted all the time - her husband's love and regular sex life with him. Now she does not talk to me anymore about having family life and having babies from me. She has achieved her aim of winning over husband and now she is ready to let me go, if I want to.

July 16, 2012

I have already kind of decided to withdraw from her. I am going to focus on single girls. Last six months I rejected many marriage proposals as I was in love with this girl. Now I hope that I will get a suitable girl to say yes for marriage and that will make this girlfriend removed from my mind.

She was a software engineer and gave up her marriage only because she wanted to save her marriage. I knew her during her college days, only the thing is we dint have any contact between us that time. Her husband is having a very good career. Even though she dint ask for money from him till now, he may begin to give her money, as after all he is trying to get her pregnant and will have to start taking care of her expenses at least when she is pregnant.

Or she may not still ask money for few months from her husband and may continue to ask money from me(I actually deposit it at the start of every month in her account) . This way she can save her pride before her husband as she can still keep showing to him that she is not dependent on him for anything and if at all, it has to be him who should depend on her instead for anything, including emotional support, sex, family etc.

July 17, 2012

Hmmm I told her the same thing that on internet we find the information that PCO's is curable. But she told that may be true but the complexities are very much different from person to person. She is having a few other added complexities like thyroid. I also think she will be alright, but she seems to be terrified by some of the effects of the medication and also the effects of PCO itself, that she says she is getting to see in her. She told me about a girl whom she regularly sees in hospital and who is in to her final stage of ovarian cancer. Her mind seemed to to occupied with the plight of that girl.
Even if I take that pregnancy is the best solution to her all problems, that will again leave me no where. She will get pregnant and have a child and after that she will have no reason to meet me ever. And her husband will love her more and more. But she says she needs me always for her happiness. It also looks to me that if I tell her that I am leaving her she may develop stress and that may be bad for her. Nevertheless I have decided to look for single girls for marriage.

You definitely need to read up on PCOS and stop being gullible. I was dx'd with PCOS in 2009 but have likely had it since the late 1990's. My DD is 21yo and I have not been pregnant since 1991....so if PCOS kills without an intervening pregnancy to prevent cancer, I am defying all the odds

PCOS is a manageable condition. Like another poster mentioned, low-carb diets tend to work best for managing one's blood sugar. Managing stress to keep cortisol levels down is also important. If a person with PCOS is carrying extra weight, it can be more difficult to lose weight than it might be for a woman without PCOS. Many women with PCOS can have terrible difficulties in getting pregnant and need extensive help in conceiving (fertility treatments, etc).

There is no reason for your MW to be overly concerned with any medication used to treat PCOS. Thing is, she KNOWS this if she, in fact, actually has PCOS. She is making up bizarre excuses (lying) to keep both you and her BS on the hook.

July 19, 2012

It is all my fault really. If I really put some effort the things could have different for me with her. It was during those first eight months of our relationship that, she used to talk to me 16 hours per day on phone. I could hear her husband coming in to house at 9 o clock from his office. We would continue chatting up to 3 o clock or 4 o clock. So obviously she and her husband were not having sex, as my chatting with her happened everyday, whole night and then large parts of the day. And then she would awaken me at around 6 o clock morning by calling me. During the nights she would suddenly begin to say that she wants babies. She would ask me what name i give to our realtionship. I would foolishly say that she is a special friend with whom I would like to have sex and would say that our relationship is not love and can not head to marriage. She would sometimes say that since she shared all her feelings with me, she could accept to have sex with me. If we were not talking, we would then be meeting. But apart from that I did nothing like getting an independent house for rent. We had a fight after those eight months and did not meet each other for three months. But I began to express my love to her sometimes and she would disapprove of it. It was during this time that she used to say that her relatioship with her husband was improoving. Next one and half year we again had our passion running high and our love was blossoming and she would ask sometimes, when we would start our family and she would tell me to take a house as her elders are asking for a baby. So it was during those 2 and half years in total that she used to say all these intimate things. But I had put no effort to take a house for rent. And she was actually wanting to get babies from me during that time. But i kept her waiting for 2 and half years, which is a very long time for somebody who wanted desparately babies and a family. We did both deparately search for a house for rent for few months, introducing her as my wife to landlords, but still we could not get a house for rent.

And she has never said anything that intimate during the next one year since that time. However it was sometime during the last one year that I took a house finally for rent. We began to have sex but even before few months of taking the house for rent, she had stopped asking for babies, family etc. In fact first time we had sex, she made it clear that only if I did not demand her to get pregnant from me, she would proceed with me to have sex. She had totally stopped mentioning to me about her relationship with her husband and I also found it convenient not to ask, as i was anyway sleeping with her. But as she told recently it is during this period that her intimacy with her husband grew and that now they are planning having a baby soon etc...I think she even might have been having sex with her husband soon after my first eight months of relatioship with her. But the point is I was slow to respond to her requirements and feelings. I took one year to say 'I love you,' to her. And next one and years to find a home to start our sexual intimacy.

So what should have happened as I guess is intitially her husband was perhaps not interested in her, as he might have been involved with some woman. But over these years that woman might have moved on and married someone else. So this guy might have then begun to care about his wife, while still maintaining his affair with his ex girlfriend perhaps. So, this might be benefitting everybody - that guy, his girlfriend and his wife. So, my girfriend who is his wife wants just to have a sexual relationship with me now sans, any commitment.

I think this should be the reason for the turn of the things as otherwise, for this guy perhaps not doing anything sexually to his wife for the first two years , he should have been either impotent or a gay. But since my girlfriend said they are now regualrly having sex and planning to have babies, he can not be impotent or gay.

I phoned the other day at 12 o clock night and she cut the phone. Earlier she would continue to talk with me. Now her timing to talk on phone are defined - until late evening and not in to the nights.

I was going crazy that night thinking that her husband would be caressing her, fondling her and making love to her. I said to her the next day that I can not share her with any one else and that she is absolutely mine. she said she can not come out of it.

Edited July 19, 2012 by goodguy2012

July 19, 2012

Its remarkable of how many excuses you find and how much fault you give yourself just to not blame her, specially when she is the problem.

Stop doing that to yourself. She is the married one. If she wanted to leave her marriage, she would, nothing you could of/should of/would of done could change that. It is her call and has always been.

Stop feeling guilty.Stop blaming yourself.

Ive been there, trust me, its hard to see the truth, but you're close.

It will all get better soon.

Best wishes!

July 19, 2012

You have no business being involved in THEIR marriage!!!

Stay out of it!

She's playing you likea fool - and you will end up having another man raise your child with a liar for the child's Mom.

Do not pay for one more thing for her!

July 19, 2012

Yeah, true it has always been her call. I have always been made to adjust to her requirements. First eight months I did not adjust to her requirements, as I used to say that as she is married, our relatioship could be just for fun and some intimacy. And I am feeling guilty for that. Next 2 and half years I went beyond myself to suit her requirements. And now I feel I failed to fit in to her scheme of things as she says our relatioship is just an extra marital affair for her and has been showing the silence, hiding, diceit that the one who is married and having an extra marital affair shows typically.

On my front I am not trying to be a loner anymore, as I was when going steady with her and was focussing all my energies on her. Now I am moving in a group of guys and we have fun. And week ends are fun filled too where i am in to games. And importantly now i am meeting and chatting with single girls. I had not made any attempt to chat with single girls last two years as i was completely busy with my girlfriend. I hope I will get a good girl pretty soon. And i am refocussing on my work too. Earlier i was trying to pump her in to every tiny part of my brain. Now I am trying to get my brain occupied and busy with useful things. And I have planned to start pursueing honing of my special talents by joining some week end classes on arts and music.

I have indicated to her that i will not take care of her expences anymore. When ever I think that since she can not out of her marriage, I get really angry and message her that we wont meet again and our relatioship has ended etc. But usually my anger does not decrease easily and it affects my other things. As I did not make room in my brain for anything other than her, it does really pain me, when ever i think of leaving her.

Edited July 19, 2012 by goodguy2012

July 19, 2012

Beautiful how people can be in situations which according to them are unbearable, and yet there they stay, day after day.

How bad can that be? If you had a big thorn in your backside wouldn't you do your best to get it out? Never believe people who say are miserable and yet they can't leave. They are not miserable or they WOULD leave.

Get rid of this woman, she's playing you.

July 19, 2012

@goodguy Its wonderful that you are starting to make time for you!

It hurts and it will hurt for a while. Just as you said, you had her in every corner of your brain, its hard, but it will get better as long as you keep doing things to make it better.

You still want to be with her, cause you are still in love with the woman you thought she was. Now that you are seeing things a bit clearer, that fear of leaving her will turn into a huge relief.

Keep up the good work!

July 19, 2012

Keep making changes that help you take your power back. You handed her too much power! So stop doing that!

Stay busy enough not to think about her.

July 19, 2012

I am trying to leave her. I used my relationship with her, to leave two other women with whom I was in to some stage of a relationship, although not so much intimate physically.

Now I hope that by doing a dozen other things correctly, I can leave this girl too.

From my prior experience i have learnt that, it is difficult to leave somebody, but once we leave such persons, we will never show an iota of affection even if we chat with them for more than an hour.

For that to happen I need to continue doing different things correctly and trying to get a correct(read single) girl.

When we are in to a relationship as convoluted as mine with this married woman, we tend to stop doing a lot of other good things, as we need to channelize all our energies in to relatioships such as these and we start doing some use less things like trying to make this married woman feel that I am good enough reason for her to leave her five year old marriage.

So if we reverse this trend and start doing the good things and stop doping the useless things, we can make our selves feel strongly that such a woman is useless for us.

July 19, 2012

I am trying to leave her. I used my relationship with her, to leave two other women with whom I was in to some stage of a relationship, although not so much intimate physically.
Now I hope that by doing a dozen other things correctly, I can leave this girl too.
From my prior experience i have learnt that, it is difficult to leave somebody, but once we leave such persons, we will never show an iota of affection even if we chat with them for more than an hour.
For that to happen I need to continue doing different things correctly and trying to get a correct(read single) girl.
When we are in to a relationship as convoluted as mine with this married woman, we tend to stop doing a lot of other good things, as we need to channelize all our energies in to relatioships such as these and we start doing some use less things like trying to make this married woman feel that I am good enough reason for her to leave her five year old marriage.
So if we reverse this trend and start doing the good things and stop doping the useless things, we can make our selves feel strongly that such a woman is useless for us.

You need counseling to find out why you struggle to CHOOSE a healthy R for yourself!

And stop using WE as if WE ALL do this! YOU do it - not WE! I don't choose those things forMYSELF!

Wen I am typing aboutMY choices - Iuse the word I - me - my - myself (NOT ourselves)!

July 19, 2012

U r right Sunny. It has to be "I" and not we..How ever "We" refers to allthose, who come up with a woman, who is willing to give herself in to a relationship, only if the guy is willing to succomb in mind , body and money to her.

Can you believe that first one year I dint give her a penny? And when she asked for some money later, initally I had declined and asked her why she should ask me and not her husband or father. But later I gave her money and few months later, I asked her to pay that money back, and this had stressed her out. But slowly I developed this weekness of giving her more money than what she asked. This attitude of giving my self in and going all the way to please her then began to show itself in other aspects of our relatioship. And she grew powerful and could control anything with respect to us.

Giving her control was obviously an exercise on part of me to make her feel that she could prepare herself to be with me forever. I was showering with her goodies and pampering her as much as possible, everytime. I wanted to feel my love towards her as much as I wanted her to.

July 19, 2012

You were essentially reducing your R (affair) to her prostituting herself out to you. She shows up to gives ex - you buy her stuff.

Very unhealthy.

July 19, 2012

U r right Sunny. It has to be "I" and not we..How ever "We" refers to allthose, who come up with a woman, who is willing to give herself in to a relationship, only if the guy is willing to succomb in mind , body and money to her.

Can you believe that first one year I dint give her a penny? And when she asked for some money later, initally I had declined and asked her why she should ask me and not her husband or father. But later I gave her money and few months later, I asked her to pay that money back, and this had stressed her out. But slowly I developed this weekness of giving her more money than what she asked. This attitude of giving my self in and going all the way to please her then began to show itself in other aspects of our relatioship. And she grew powerful and could control anything with respect to us.

Giving her control was obviously an exercise on part of me to make her feel that she could prepare herself to be with me forever. I was showering with her goodies and pampering her as much as possible, everytime. I wanted to feel my love towards her as much as I wanted her to. Obviously she does not want me to leave her even though she doesn't want to be with me but with her husband.

I was really pissed off after our first two three days of our interaction on phone. Because of her depression, crying and talking as if the world was going to end for her, I wanted to run away from her. She used to eat my head by calling 60 times per day. I would not take her calls and would scold her for the disturbance that she was creating. But I thought I should help her regain her confidence and began to listen to her finally. Initially I was trying to help her to find some friend of her's with whom she had some good time in her college days. Apart from this there was excitement that comes with, when the chatting turns towards sex. But I was clear in my mind that I should not get involved with a married woman and just wanted to help her find her lost friend, who I think could have helped in her troubled marriage by starting an affair with her. But I dint want to love her. I would say the same thing to her. When she started allowing me to caress her those eight months, I would still say to her that I just wanted to have fun with her and that I did not want a relationship with her.

It was when she suddenly began to ignore me after those eight months that I really began to feel the pain of missing her. Her calls had dropped from being 80 per day to none suddenly. And it was me who had to call her now. And from 120 messages that she used to send earlier per day, she stopped sending any messages. And she said we could only meet after two years or ,may not meet at all in life, as it is common for friends not possible to meet each other all of a sudden for even few years, she said. I had bore her over indulgence in my life, she torturing me with her calls even when I was having food or when I was working in office or even crossing the road and she not allowing me to sleep during nights. I used to cut her calls but used to feel bad later. From interfering in my life so much, when she totally stopped having any interaction with me and began to tell whenever i called her, mostly about other guys that she was meeting those days, I began to feel miserable. And it was then that I began to beg her for her attention, plead her to meet me atleast five mins. And refusal made me feel so much for her and thus began the exercise of giving control to her and submitting my self completely and began to show her that I really cared her a lot when ever I got a chance.

July 19, 2012

And those eight months it was she who chased me and not me chasing her. She would travel more than 15 miles only to meet me.

July 19, 2012

Hi LadyGrey,
the following are lines that I found in a website that describe the relationship between PCO and cancer:
"Unfortunately, the conditions that lead to the development of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, as well as some of the medical problems linked to PCOS, may also set the stage for ovarian cancer. Studies have linked the occurrence of ovarian cancer in women with the consumption of diets high in refined carbohydrates (2). Such diets are prevalent among PCOS sufferers and contribute to the underlying Insulin Resistance that causes Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome."

PCOS...she has as much chance of getting ovarian cancer as the rest of the woman posting. She may need to get pregnant not to save her life but to create another before it's too late. Not because of death, but because usually if pregnancy isn't obtained naturally, then thru invitro...it most likely won't happen. Your OW needs to get all the facts, educate herself via her gynecologist before she drives u nuts.

PCOS does have physical changes...she may grow some facial hair and her weight may change but she can go on medications for this. If you do your research you'll see that this is not a life sentence for her.

July 20, 2012

And those eight months it was she who chased me and not me chasing her. She would travel more than 15 miles only to meet me.

Because you would pay her way when she would show up. That's why!

PCOS...she has as much chance of getting ovarian cancer as the rest of the woman posting. She may need to get pregnant not to save her life but to create another before it's too late. Not because of death, but because usually if pregnancy isn't obtained naturally, then thru invitro...it most likely won't happen. Your OW needs to get all the facts, educate herself via her gynecologist before she drives u nuts.

PCOS does have physical changes...she may grow some facial hair and her weight may change but she can go on medications for this. If you do your research you'll see that this is not a life sentence for her.

She created drama so the OP would feel more sorry for her - hence - more need to "rescue her" from her drama.

It worked! He paid for her. She got him to do things he shouldn't have considered with a married woman!

Find out why you have a need to rescue any woman from herself! It's not healthy for YOU to play that role. Read co dependent no more by Melanie Beattie

July 20, 2012

Hi Sunny, I did not pay her money during those eight months and also the next six months too I dint pay her anything. She was running on her own saved money till that time. She worked as an engineer till she gave up her profession. I know this because I studied in the same college as her's and we have common friends. Just that I dint know her well during college days.

And she is a post graduate too and has done her masters. I sometimes did go with her to her college when she had a seminar etc when she did her PG.

Edited July 20, 2012 by goodguy2012

July 20, 2012

You keep justifying it.

But you were paying for things and involved while she's married!

The woman has no respect for M and boundaries.

Stay away from her - she's evil!

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Having an affair with a married woman

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