deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Hi, I'm new here. I'm seeking help b/c my husband talks to other women on the phone more than me. When I say phone, I mean cell phone only. I do not know the two women he talks to all the time. One is an older women and an ex co-worker. The other is a present co-worker, who is a married women. The cells are in my name and I checked the bill b/c I had a strange feeling to do so. I told him before that I do not agree with having a personal relationship with other women if they are not friendsof ours. I tells me they are just she is just a co-worker, nothing else. We went back and forth about this, than he said he would tell the girl not to call him. She is still calling and so is he. I am fed up. I don't want to end my marriage but I do not want to live like I always have to wonder about what he is doing behind my back. He tells me I'm making it out to be something it's not. I told him if it wasn't anything, than why won't you put an end to it. I am so angry!! Please give me some input. Thanks in advance. Deepthoughts
soapoperahaven Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 well if it were me i would call the women myself and tell themif they feel the need to talk your husband then you should know who they are and what their intentions are invite them over surprise your hubby
miz_barby Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 My personal opinion only.....I would NOT want my man talking to other women on the phone, cell phone, computer or being with them like hanging out. Luckily he doesn't do this at all and expects the same from me in return which since I love him isn't an issue for me either! I say talk to him once more let him know you know they're still talking, ask him what's so important that they need to keep in contact so much (I can tell you now it's probably nothing important they are probably personal or "friendly" chat) I think it's wrong while involved especially married to someone to be maintaining such close relationships with the opposite sex. That ALWAYS leads to trouble!! One or both usually end up with feelings for the other! If he still can't understand or decides not to respect you enough to quit talking to them then maybe you should let him know you both should re-evaluate your relationship!
Author deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 I already called the present co-worker to tell he not to call anymore. All she said was ok. He was the one who told me to call her. I think she is the type of person who would lie for him because she is married herself. So inviting her here wouldn't do anything but let her get a view of the competition, if you know what I mean.
soapoperahaven Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 well i am not a very friendly type when it comes to that stuff if she is married i would be talking to her hubby i am sure that isnt the greatest thing to do but hell it might get her off your hubby
Author deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 miz-barby, I told him again today. He says he don't know why I am acting like it's more when it's not. I told him b/c the phone conversations are all day long until he gets home. I asked him why don't she call when he is home. I told him, it's b/c she is married and don't want her husband to know that's why. I said anytime you don't have her home number and do not know her husband, than something is not right. I also said to him, she has no morals herself b/c most women do not want there spouse to talk to others unless they are both our friends. She is married and talking to another women husband...she wouldn't want another women talking to her husband. Soapoperahaven, I thought about telling her that I will call her until her husband answer her call phone and tell him everything but I was trying to see what happens. We do not have her home number anyway. Not even my husband.
miz_barby Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 That little skank (sorry but that's what I think of women who mess with married men KNOWING They are married and also when they are married it's worse) anyway she needs to get a life and start worrying about her marriage and HER man he shouldn't be talking to her unless it is work related or in front of you for a minute or two if it's important! I'm sorry but he should see what's wrong with what he's doing and change it since he should be RESPECTING his wife's wishes! I say look long and hard and keep your eyes and ears open!
Author deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 The word "Skank" is sweet compared to what I called her. I'm trying to be a lady about this whole think by trying not to call her back on her cell phone. If I call her back it's not going to be as pleasant as the first phone call I gave her. I remember doing things like that when I was in high school didn't think I would have to do it again. I really thank you all for replying and helping me to get this off my chest. I'm really thinking about leaving him, maybe this will give him a wake up call. I don't want to be like my grand-mother was who knew her husband was cheating and sit there and let it continue for years. I feel I have to put my foot down.
MeanNewYorker Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Hey Deepthoughts -- here's a thought: Since your shady-ass husband won't even give you legtimate lies about what the cell phone calls are about, and you mentioned that the phone is in your name, you have many options. For starters you can have those phone numbers blocked from sending/recieving phone calls, you can have the phone company create such a block. But I think you should cancel the damn cell phone that's in your name. The least he could do is tell what the hell is going on, on your phone. Furthermore your colllective money (yours and your hubby's) are paying for that bill, and if he's really on it as much as you say, the bill is probably quite high, then you have a right to know what you are paying for. An even simpler trick is to setup call forwarding on the phone, so whenever these who'ers call him, it will automatically forward the call to say...I don't know...some obscure phone number, I reccomened CIA Headquarters, that scare them women straight. The point is that you have right to know what the heck is going on your cell phone, and if he won't give you said answers, then you have to out manuever him and make him sweat! Good Luck
HoldOn Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I think you may be over-reacting. MAY BE. I don't know. It is reasonable to have friends of the opposite sex. But you say that you don't know these women.... I think you should meet them. But it is weird that he is talking so much to them. What do they have to talk about?
Author deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 MeanNY, I like you idea but I would need his phone to forward the call. He has unlimited incoming calls, so the bill is not high at all. He pays the bill but it's just in my name. I will go the billing statement to see if I could forward the call that way with out using his phone. I think I saw something that said forward calls. Thanks
Author deepthoughts Posted July 7, 2004 Author Posted July 7, 2004 Holdon, they are talking a whole lot. I mean, the calls start from 7:20 am and goes on on and off all day. The calls last from 15mins to 52 mins. Mon-Fri. if Sat and Sun. it's only b/c I'm not with him. He may not be sleeping with her but if you continue to have a personal relationship with the oposite sex, you will start to develope feelings. When feelings start it lead to other things. Thanks for your opinion.
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 MeanNewYorker took my answer..lol thats ok though. I agree I think you should do that since its in your name. You stated the calls are a lot. Something is really up! I mean it's one thing to have friends of the opposite sex, but to talk to them a lot like that, means I think you really need to get to the root of what's going on. Best of luck and let us know whats going on.
Linlin Posted July 8, 2004 Posted July 8, 2004 My H and I were friends with another couple. SHe was my new "best friend". I didn't think anything about it when she used to call my H at work, on the cell or email. We were always all together, especially the three of us since her H isn't very social and works crazy hours. Well guess what, she pursued my H for 3 months behind my back and was screwing him for 6. All the time they wer both snowing me about it and covering all this contact with a mound of lies and explanations for every thing. Try to get this woman's home number. If you know her name you can probably find it on the internet using 411. Call her H and tell him what is going on. Also, there are all sort of ways to block calls, track emails, etc of you look on the internet. Becareful, I won't trust them.
Author deepthoughts Posted July 8, 2004 Author Posted July 8, 2004 Well I had to call her back while he was there, to see if he would react strangely. Well he didn't care if I called her once again. She said they are just friends. She didn't know that he wasn't giving me answers. I told her he makes it look like something is going on by not telling anything or not try to get us to meet. She said she nderstand my prosition. Her husband and her have outside friends but if he had someone that she had questions about and he wouldn't tell her anything, than she could see why I thought it was somwthing else going on. She said she respect everything I was saying and had no problem with it. My husband is now saying that like he said it's nothing and now he know I don't trust him. I told him it's not that I don't trust you, it's you don't respect my feelings and stop talking to women I do not know!! He still has not said if you was going to stop or not. She said she ill not call him anymore but who knows. I really thank you all for your support.
Amandy Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Your situation made me so angry! I know because I went through something similar. Your husband is NOT respecting you! How would he like it if you were talking to two men on your cell? If he didn't feel like it was wrong, why weren't the women calling your home phone? You are his wife and if I were you I would give him an ulimatum.
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Hi, I agree with Amandy. However, if in fact you do give him an ultimatium, be sure you stick to what you say. Ultimatiums aren't always that great unless you follow through with what you say. Otherwise the other person will feel you're just blowing in the wind and wont believe what you're saying. Best of luck.
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