PiggiePig Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 [color=orange][/color] Hi. I am a 30 something year old female with a preteen daughter. My ex and I never married and had a rough time after the baby was born and broke up. He has since married and has two additional children with his wife. About a month ago, we decided to stop fighting and arguing to do the best for our child. Since then, we have had some very good moments that it seems like he is not happy at home and maybe married the wrong girl. He's been flirting with me and saying things that have me wondering...... I never stopped loving him, but I don't want to become the other woman. HELP!!!!!!
look forward Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 If you dont want to become the other woman then dont.. I can see how this must be a very tricky situation to be in as you guys have history and a child together but he is MARRIED now.. so none of that matters is he is not happy at home then he needs to resolve these issues with his wife.. you can be a firend to him and listen but you need to nip this in the butt before the flirting turns into something more serious and if will be even harder for you to stop this.. Dont let him have his cake and eat it.. you deserve to have someone all to yourself and to be 100% commited to you..dont become the woman that just gets half of his time... Good luck XX
miz_barby Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Since you can see this coming you should AVOID the situation! You KNOW he's married even if he isn't happy you should respect YOURSELF enough not to get involved with someone who's taken and living and MARRIED to someone else. Remember he chose to marry her and probably still makes her believe he loves her and is probably still sleeping and making love with her. WHY would you want to become involved with someone who isn't ONLY with YOU??? I know you love him, since you have a child together but obvioulsy it didn't work then so why would it work now? Think long and hard because if you do get involved you reep what you sew and what goes around comes around so whatever you do you may get back 3x as hard!
Mr Spock Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 That's all good advice except they DO have a child together, they DO have a history together, and they may just be in love. What would I do? I would tell your ex flat out if he is even THINKING about your relationship past and present that he needs to be up front and honest with his wife. Your relationship ended for a reason-as time passes, one tends to forget the bad and remember the good-I imagine what you're feeling is simply nostalgia for when things were good. If he makes a pass at you, tell his current wife. It's not fair to her that he is doing the same thing to her that he may have done to you. I'm not saying you can't get back together, I just don't think it's a good idea to be sneaky about it. Make him state flat out what he wants, and if it's you make him tell his wife with you THERE. But, you can do better..............
Mr Spock Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I'd also like to point out that "he's married now' is not a valid excuse. Marriages die ALL the time, and not always for affairs. More appropriate would be "What has changed about either of you that would make the relationship work this time when it failed before?"
Bubbles Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have been separated from my ex now for 10 years and he still flirts with me. At first it used to really bother me because I did still love him. Admittedly - I will always love him......but I will NEVER let him know that! The relationship is over for good reasons and that's the way it needs to stay. Men will always flirt. Men are men. Forget about it......shruck it off. The one thing I keep telling myself is this: too little, too late. If you need me........I'm here for moral support. Bubbles
confuzed7 Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 I can tell you with all honesty to NOT go there...I am in an "affair" with the father of my child who is now married with another child. It has taken a deep toll on my soul, me, and my life. I love him deeply, and he says he loves me (even took the step to leave his wife...............briefly, yet says he is doing it again...who knows). It does have an effect on the children, and to be honest it can't turn out "good." Regardless of the dreams you have for a life together, it won't work out that way......how can you ever trust him to be around his current wife if he has had an affair on her with you?? (this is something I have come to realize recently). While it is hard, I am working toward ending it................I say working towards it because with a child involved we do have somethings to work out; however, I believe I have found a solution to that (much as it breaks my heart to even think it, I think it may be the only way to go). Please understand that I am not giving you a hard time, I do COMPLETELY understand what you are saying and where you are coming from........I AM LIVING the life you are talking about and it has been full of pain....the happiness is there...but I don't think it is enough for me anymore.
Lil Red Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Well , I am 26 year old woman who is seeing a 33 year old man. My problem is that I'm in love with him and he says that he loves me as well. The real issue is that he has another woman who he said he cares for but not as much as he loves me. He doesn't want to dump her because she has been with him a couple of years that he was in jail. He never spends time with her because she lives in another city. He is always with me even when she is in town. She knows about me but she does not want to end their relationship for some reason. What should I do about this realtionship I don't want to be the other woman, I want him for myself.
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