Dblock10 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 yeah stop looking on her fb. rule no1. i managed it for a whole year. so can you. hmm seems like a trival thing and surely you haven't done anything prior to this to make her jump to those sorts of conclusions? seems like you didn't manage to address the issue fast enough or in perhaps the correct way..? have you told her all this and the situation? saying that, she has been out of order to jump into another relationship. that is soul destroying for you. what you did is nothing in comparison
Author bosox Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 I feel like it was a small thing. However I know I hurt her that night. I remember how much she cried. I broke her trust and never fixed it. We started fighting after this and she said at the end she had become someone she wasn't happy with. We were going to sit down and talk about everything the day before she quit. This guy came around and between that and her friends she decided she wanted to try being happy without me. We did fight a lot at the end and it wasn't fun. But to me it was stuff we could work on and I know she would have if not for this douche bag.
Author bosox Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 And there were two previous lies about my previous ex contacting me. I realize now that your gf is by far the person you should NEVER lie to. Im an honest person but slip ups make you a liar.
Dblock10 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 yeah you did what you did in that moment, and now you have reflected on it. well i guess there is nothing you can do now to help the situation is there? seems like its a waiting game when he moves away. its a shame you argued, but don't you think the same issues will surface? i know with my first ex they always did despite how much we said we were going to change..
Author bosox Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 It's possible we would continue but we got along really well before my little drunk lie. I think if I could have showed her it was a mistake an she could forgive me, then I think we are really good together. I'm not sitting here making us out to be better than we were but I think we had the foundation of a great relationship. The only thing we really fought about before was her moving in and basic stuff were she wanted to move faster than I was ready to. One leason in this is don't let your gf run to their friends when they get mad at you. She leaned on her roommate durring this so that's what her roommate thought of me. She didn't hear abou all the good times. So the weekend she decided to move on and we are fighting, her friend is there in her ear telling her to move on and that this guy she knows is a great guy. So she listens to her friend and decides to make herself happy. I then did everything you SHOULDN'T do and pushed her away. I pressed too hard at the wrong time. And I did just give in to fb creeping on her. She's going to a concert with him and a bunch of her friends tonight. It was one we went to last year and had a great time. I feel pretty confident I will cross her mind. Guess that is something. Sad that's my feel good moment of the day.
ac11442 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 Bosox, first of all, delete your facebook. I did and it was the best move I could have made. They have permanent delete and temp deactivation. I actually deactivated mine. I can go back anytime and reactivate it and nothing is lost. But in order to get on it and stalk my ex I'd have to go through the steps of setting it back up therefore making it more difficult and I actually have to 'think' about doing it. I can't just be on the computer and go "well....while I'm here..." Second, I'm a girl so I'll tell ya what I think about her getting so upset about the lie about the texts. It was a guilt reaction. She was already texting that other guy, was all kinds of involved with him and knew how much she liked him so when she saw a text you sent a girl she figured you were doing the same thing she was. Then she used your lie as an excuse to break up with you, which she was probably going to do anyway. Any yes, NC is the ONLY way to go. It's like quitting smoking or dieting or AA, you have to stop completely, avoid activities that will be triggers, etc.
Brokendude Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 bosox i simply sympathize with u coz im obv goin thru a break up also....i dont know how u stayed strong but im dreading the day i hear from someone that my ex is with another dude...im def gonna be so overwhelmed and not sure how im gonna take it....dude i hope u sort this out no one deserves this much pain man...pls keep us posted
Dblock10 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 i agree with ac11. she probably was in contact with this other guy whilst waiting for an opportunity to leave. even though you could have had a good thing and could have worked through x y and z, this isn't a marriage, sadly girls just don't want to do that unless they truly love you and can't see themselves with anyone else.. yet she's already made that clear she doesn't feel the same as you do and is seeing this new guy. sorry I'm not trying to sound cold or to play devils advocate, i know how you feel and words cannot really describe the pain and anxiousness, but she doesnt sound like the angel you want her to be. yeah i like that you look at it as a lesson, and i do agree. again its what girls do to support each other. i think my ex had a similar friend in her ear saying how it will be better for us both to be single when we travel. etc etc i can hear it now. correct it was the wrong time and place to apply that pressure on her when she already had a perfect scape goat and friend support in place. yeah fb will only set you back.. not only can you see their face and them smiling away with all the amazing new things in there life, you don't know the full story and then it put ideas in your mind. its just not healthy. perhaps deactivate your account if you can't help yourself. it will do you good.
Author bosox Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Well today is week 6 and anger is finally coming in. This is a step up from the pain I've been feeling. I'm pissed she gave in to temptation rather than work on us. I thought she was a strong person but now see how weak she really is. Healing finally!
Dblock10 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 hmm anger is ok to feel, so long as you don't hold onto it for too long. it goes in circles, sadness, anger, confusion, sadness, anger... loneliness, acceptance. just don't let time pass you by. i wasted a year on a girl that never came back and never looked back. just isn't worth it
Author bosox Posted July 16, 2012 Author Posted July 16, 2012 Well it's definitely cyclical. Anger left and I'm as depressed as I've been. Rock bottom again. This blows.
Dblock10 Posted July 16, 2012 Posted July 16, 2012 i really wish there was something people could do to stop those emotions, feelings. just try and let her/it go. you know your better than that. you know re are a two way street, you give and you take. you can't be the one expected to reformulate the whole deal. she's over shot the mark, and is with a new guy.. just remember that. her actions have made you feel like this. just try and forget her best as possible. find a distraction.
Author bosox Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 So after the break up I was texting her mom and a couple of her friends a lot. I was looking for answers from them. Trying to figure it out one way or another. Today I'm having a hard time not texting one of them again. I'm looking at this guy she is with and I don't get it. I can see from his pictures just how immature he is. I don't know what good it will do talking to them and I'm sure it'll get back to her and she'll know I'm still holding on...but it's a struggle. I miss that girl so much.
Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Bosox your situation is very similar to mine. Remember that as your relationship ended she was probably flirting with some guy as he was showing her attention. It doesn't mean she loves him or anything, it just means she feels validated and likes it that other people still want her. Basically whatever it is it feels safer than being alone. A few months down the line though chances are he will mean nothing so don't go comparing yourself to him. She will do that everytime he does anything. If your relationship was good this can only work in your favour.
Author bosox Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Sameold- thanks. Reading that made me feel a little better
Sameold Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hope it helps. I'm going through the same thing dude. When you first start talking to someone you send silly flirty messages and it's the easiest thing ever. Then dating is easy and begining your relationship. But then after a while no one cares anymore and you are left with just that, your relationship. So how good is a relationship formed on the basis of going behind someone's back? Ok some will last but the phrase "rebound" came around for a reason. Chances are she wouldn't have looked at them twice if she was single and had never been put in that situation where her relationship was failing. The shoulder to cry on who's positive, easy going and fun quite often gets some attention but after a while he's just a reminder of the way she threw after a much more important thing. Dumpers so often think the grass is greener...you have to give it all time dude. If she ever misses you it wont be now it'll be in 6 months when the guilt consumes her even further and she looks around at all her happy friends still with their long term boyfriends. It doesn't mean she'll come back but at least she will know.
Author bosox Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 All very true. It's hard to loose her but hurt even more seeing her with someone right away. Your mind wonders and you keep asking yourself, what does he have that is better?? And you convince yourself that they are getting married because she's falling in love with him faster because he's an all american guy. I have never been insecure but this has wrecked me. I'm sure we'll pull out of this soon, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
penguin23 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 Hey Bosox- I definitely know what you're talking about in terms of the cyclic emotions. I'm all over the place...but mostly down:( You need to just ride it all out until it calms down. Honestly, I don't think her dating this guy necessarily means that she was emotionally cheating on you before. It seems like she's having a hard time too and he's a nice distraction. At some point he probably won't be such a nice distraction. And from a girl's perspective, I think that she's still in contact with your family because it's a way to feel close to you. She doesn't want to talk to you but she wants to feel like you're still somehow in her life. But you should definitely not be in contact with anyone that's related to her. That's just going to make it worse. Deleter their numbers so you feel like it's less of a possibility (you can put them in an email for yourself-so you still feel like you could contact them but it's just more of a hassle to do it). And stop checking fb. I've found writing letters to my ex (that I would never send) has been helpful. They're kind of crazy letters so they wouldn't help my cause but at least it makes me feel a little better. I would tell you that it gets better (and I guess from experience I know it does) but right now I'm in the same place you are in so I would be kind of lying. But know that you're not alone in feeling the way that you do.
penguin23 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 All very true. It's hard to loose her but hurt even more seeing her with someone right away. Your mind wonders and you keep asking yourself, what does he have that is better?? And you convince yourself that they are getting married because she's falling in love with him faster because he's an all american guy. I have never been insecure but this has wrecked me. I'm sure we'll pull out of this soon, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. She's still reeling from her break up with you. You don't know this guy but there are so many things that you have that he doesn't have. My first serious boyfriend did the same thing. We had been living together and after our tough break up he was already dating someone before I was even completely moved out! But that relationship fizzled quickly and he moved on with a girl who was the type I was always thinking he would be with...and couldn't have been more different from me. She had the same background as him, clearly had the same interests in fashion and in general they just looked more like a stereotypical couple. But they eventually broke up and years later the girl he eventually got together with looks like me, dresses like me and just generally reminds me of myself. When I first saw her I was totally weirded out by that.
Dblock10 Posted July 17, 2012 Posted July 17, 2012 yeah man txting her mum or who ever that is in relation to her, just a no go. it won't solve anything. it may make you question things more. you won't ever get 'answers' i remember i did the same and it got back to her, she then told me to stop speaking to her family as i just upset them.. that hurt cause tbh it was all her doing, she caused the break up. but i dropped it and never looked back. trust me you will get through this. there are more girls out there (not that you want to look or know that right now) stop thinking about him. he isn't better than you. i know its a hard concept to grasp but literally he is a distraction, and this is how girls cope with break ups it would appear. yeah it sucks. and falling in love and marriage? snap out of it man! he is moving on, moving away. what you really need to do, is accept that this is the situation look at the key facts and don't deviate off that path. it won't help you. you were with a girl you argued some trust issues got in the mix she gave up used it as an excuse to par you off and move on decided she couldn't cope and took the easy way out by dating another guy to fill that "void" its like the butterfly effect, if you had done x would y have happened? maybe but it could have caused z.. you see?
Author bosox Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 You two are right. Thanks a million. It's crazy how talking to people on here helps.
Author bosox Posted July 17, 2012 Author Posted July 17, 2012 Well a friend of mine asked me to go grab drinks with him today. So at 200 we did. I started texting her best freind. Asked if he was really a good guy or not. She said he really was. He's finishing up med school, happy go lucky guy. She's falling in love just like I hope she wasn't. Her friend was really good about it. The bad news...I've decided I can't take the pain anymore. I don't want to see how this story turns out. I pray for everyone of you one this site. I hope your story turns out better than mine. I'm sure you are stonger than I was but my journey ends here. Thank you to everyone who offered help. It really did get me by day to day.
Dblock10 Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 so you think thats it now? what do you plan to do? I'm sorry it turned out he is a good guy etc.. i just wouldn't want to know this sort of information about the next guy my ex gets with, its not healthy and soul destroying. i don't get it though, he is moving away.
Chi townD Posted July 18, 2012 Posted July 18, 2012 Okay....she wins! Why? Because you let her. Dude, you've been asking for punishment from DAY ONE!!! When we said NC, WE MEANT WITH EVERYTHING!!! Sure, you didn't talk to her. But, you took the time to look at the pictures. You took the time to ask her friends about her. That is NOT NC. So, now what do you want to do? Crawl in a hole and die? I will tell you this, no girl is ever worth hurting yourself over. NOT ONE!!! And if you're feeling this way, then you need to get to the emergency room. IMMEDIATELY! You've read your own thread, what self improvements have you done? You already go to the gym. New clothes, new hairstyle, gaining new hobbies, reconnecting with friends? Taking a trip somewhere? Started school again? ANYTHING?!?!? This girl is not your life! She isn't your world! You just believe that she is! All of us are on here because we went through the same thing you're going through right now. And some of us have come through the otherside. We are still here!! And we are better than what we were before. Because we decided that we weren't going to let them beat us!
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