bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 We dated for over a year. We had our ups and down but mostly ups. We tended to fight about little things but it was something we could usually work out. She loved me SO much and I know this 100%. In February I went out with friends, got really drunk and ended up lying to her. I broke her trust and hurt her very bad. Over the next couple months we ended up hanging out and were kind of back together. I didn't really know how to show her that I made a mistake and that what I did wasn't really who I am. She was frustrated and afraid to commit fully again and things weren't great. Finally a month ago she decided to call it quits. Said she loves me a lot but isn't "in love" in me. Said if things are meant to be then they will be. She then started dating a guy right away. They've been together a month now. I know our problems can be fixed and stepping away has let me see ALL the things I could have done different. Is there any hope or am I just living in denial?? I know how much she loved me and I can't believe that it's gone and she doesn't care.
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 sorry mate, i think your in denial. after a BU its easy to look over the whole story and analyse it to death and then think if this if that. all you can do is deal with facts now, not past events. fact is seems like your relationship came to an end for what ever reasons, and she didn't think it would fix, meanwhile she had guys after her, got a new buzz from this new guy and decided to move on. girls have this ability to move on quickly, don't ask how they just do. if she has been "together" with him it must be serious? either, sit back and put it down to bad luck and experience, or have one more say with her and see what happens. either way she's moved on and there isn't much anyone in your position can do when this happens, esp if another guy is involved
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 that's pretty good advice. It's hard still. She keeps in contact with my sister and some of my friends. Wouldn't you let those connections go if you were truly done with someone? And she seams to be advertising to everyone how happy she is. It feels fake. She was never someone that would express herself this way.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 If she gave you the "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" speech and immediately went into a relationship with someone else tells me that she was cheating on you and finally pull the trigger on your relationship so she didn't have to sneak around with this other guy anymore. All the while, putting the blame of the demise of the relationship all on your shoulders. Which isn't fair to you. She gave herself permission to hook up with this guy, because you went out with the guys; got drunk and lied about something. Really?!?! And I guarantee you that if you confront her with this speculation, she'll say that OM wasn't the reason that you two broke up. It was your fault. So, it wouldn't even be worth your time. However, why would you want to spend anymore time with a girl that would treat you this way? Go NC and start to heal and move on. You need to be strong because I speculate that sooner or later her guilt is going to get the best of her. Even though she thinks you don't know anything, she'll still have a level of guilt and will want to see where your head is at. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING SHE SENDS YOU!!! Time to heal and move on.
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I know she wasn't cheating. She was very big into trust and that isn't something she would do. The guy wanted to take her out on a date two weeks before we broke up. We fought about him texting her still. I hated it. She said it was her roommates friend and not a big deal. Guess he became a big deal...
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) i agree with chi on that guilt part. so true. if she's the sort of girl who "thinks about things" by this i mean I've been with girls that are just blasé about life and they wouldn't think in the level of detail you would. if she comes back to you it will be to relieve her own guilt about the whole thing, don't get me wrong she will still care about you but that will be it.. i know it will be hard. yeah my ex from the past is still friends with my sisters etc, again girls have that ability. she keeps in contact with them because she wants to.. she is done with you.. not them. although i catch your drift. interesting that you picked up on that the way she has gone about advertising this feeling. its again a thing girls do to reassure themselves... try it yourself, its called positive thinking.. if you have negative thoughts, it will put you in a negative mood. try reversing negatives for positives and see your mind set change.. i trust my own instinct and gut to much it hasn't really failed me when it comes to girls exactly, so she lied... saying he wasn't a big deal... of course she's not going to be honest with you about that. again girls are like this. this i hate the most, because i have a good 6th sense or gut feeling and for me, my ex has recently gone for a meal with this guy she met and yet he is just a friend. id be a fool to believe that.. Edited July 12, 2012 by Dblock10
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 another thing and maybe I'm reading into things too much. We haven't talk much as I'm trying to give her space like she wants but when she does talk to me there is still anger and hurt toward me. When I've moved on from other girls I didn't care about them enough to be bothered. Our last contact was at the gym. I told her I was sorry for the way I handled the break up and I know she loved me and I love her too much not to fight for it but I would let her be. She looked away from me as she was about the cry, then walked away. She still cares. I can see it.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I know she wasn't cheating. She was very big into trust and that isn't something she would do. The guy wanted to take her out on a date two weeks before we broke up. We fought about him texting her still. I hated it. She said it was her roommates friend and not a big deal. Guess he became a big deal... Hate to break the news to you, but what you just wrote TELLS me she WAS cheating on you. She was carrying on a Emotional Affair with this dude. Texting this guy all day long. She became emotionally invested into this dude. Lying to you (how Ironic) saying this guy is no big deal..and as soon as she pulled the trigger, she goes running to his arms. She never even mourned the loss of your relationship (that told me something too). Who would do that if there wasn't something there already? People need to understand that cheating doesn't constitute as just intercourse or physical intimacy. There are several different ways to cheat on someone. 2
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 again chi is right... id also add, remember, ex's can care.. but not to the level that would equate to emotions or love. see, girls can move on real quick, sure they will care about you... that doesnt stop unless you do something to really annoy them. however she won't be stressing about this or wondering what you are up to.. she has a distraction this new guy will be sleeping with her and giving her everything she needs to feel validated. basically, if she comes back it will be because it didn't work out with the new guy, or because she wants to. either which way you look at it you need to do something to protect yourself
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I read most of the text he was sending. The way I see it was he made it easier for her to move on. She was frustrated with our relationship and he was someone new and exciting. I know if he hadn't come around she would have stuck around and worked on us. He's leaving the country in a month for a year I just found out. I don't understand why she would start a relationship with someone that is about the leave. Nothing really makes sense to me anymore...
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 again chi is right... id also add, remember, ex's can care.. but not to the level that would equate to emotions or love. see, girls can move on real quick, sure they will care about you... that doesnt stop unless you do something to really annoy them. however she won't be stressing about this or wondering what you are up to.. she has a distraction this new guy will be sleeping with her and giving her everything she needs to feel validated. basically, if she comes back it will be because it didn't work out with the new guy, or because she wants to. either which way you look at it you need to do something to protect yourself I agree with this also. She doesn't give a crap about you right now because this guy as her attention. BUT, once the honeymoon phase of this relationship dies down, she'll start to wonder what you are up to. It wouldn't surprise me that she starts asking your sister what you are up to, how you've been, are you dating? Blah...blah...blah.... SO!!! You have to move on, make improvements to you life and do amazing things. It would be a nice rub if she asks your sister how you've been if she could say, "He's doing GREAT!!! Right now, he's backpacking through Spain! He's sending back some awesome pics!" rather than, "He's depressed and moping arouind."
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 oh wow buddy, she's going to fall hard. i can tell you now she will come back... so if thats what you want then it will be up to you. she won't continue to see him if he is leaving for a year and she's been with him for what a few months? na ah not going to happen. i meant protect yourself as in sort your emotions out and harden up. don't let it hurt you as much
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 SO!!! You have to move on, make improvements to you life and do amazing things. It would be a nice rub if she asks your sister how you've been if she could say, "He's doing GREAT!!! Right now, he's backpacking through Spain! He's sending back some awesome pics!" rather than, "He's depressed and moping arouind." yes! or how good would i be if she comes back and you had started dating a new girl. she would feel like complete poop
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 and what do I do to protect myself? Do NC right now. Remember, she thought the OM was more important than you. You need to work on you. Get a new haircut and buy some new clothes. This will help you with your self image and self esteem. Go to the gym or get a membership to a gym. Start pushing weight or running your ass off on the treadmill work off that stress and frustrations (I think I read that you already go to the gym, GOOD! Keep going). Take some classes. Keep your mind on school work rather than her. and travel, somewhere...anywhere. Get out of the norm...get out of comfortable surroundings. Start working on new hobbies.
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 They'll have 2 and 1/2 months together before he leaves. I'm doing better and getting stronger. I was a complete mess. I'm hitting the gym hard agian. I lost 35lbs of mostly muscle after this. I'm also finishing my basement now. So I'm trying to make my life as awesome as possible. I just can't stop thinking about her. Is NC really the way to go or is that a no factor?
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 well what do you achieve by talking to her now? it will imply you still care about her and can't stop thinking about her = give her all your power. the fact she has shat on you by going out with someone else.. id grow the balls and go NC. it will make her wonder. plus as I say, she will come back, when she is lonely and realises sh*t new guy has gone.
Author bosox Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Well it's neen almost two weeks full nc so we'll see how it pla ys out. Thanks.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 NC is a great tool in helping you to let go, heal and move on. It's hard to let go if your Ex is constantly in your face giving you mixed messages. Sometimes, it's paralyzing. Does NC suck? Hell yeah, it sucks. But, I promise you that it will get better. It will get easier. Hang in there.
Author bosox Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Dammit! I'm having a horrible morning. Facebook creeped her through a friends acount and there's a picture of the two of them together. She looks happy. She's not looking back now that's forsure.
Dblock10 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 why did you commit emotional suicide? its not good looking for stuff like that. tbh i fear this the most.
Author bosox Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 Well it's been ups and a **** ton of downs. I've been battling a deep sadness. I checked the otherday on her fb and it killed me. I've been wanting to do it agian because I feel this need to know what's going on but I know nothing good is on there. She talked to a buddy of mine on fb chat yesterday and she is still really angry at me. Don't know if that is what she is using as fuel to get her to stay on this course to move on or if that means she still cares. I'm trying to stay up beat. It'll be interesting to see what happens in a couple weeks as he'll be getting ready to leave and some of the shine on this new relationship will have faded. Hopefully I'll be even stronger and my emotions will be back in check. Think a lot about a situation that might now happen but...If she does eventually come back. Do you take the leasons I've learned and accept that she needed to see that I was the person she wanted to be with....or do you always remember that she ran off to see what life was like with someone else?? I see it both ways. Long run this could be what makes us realize how important each of us are to the other or this could be *#cked. Thoughts??
Dblock10 Posted July 15, 2012 Posted July 15, 2012 what exactly did you lie to her about.. its obviously hurt her. did and have you apologised sincerely I'm sure you said you did. therefore she probably still cares about you but has done this maybe as a way to force herself to not like you.. girls logic. did you not meet her then? yeah well i think you could be thinking too far ahead there when there is no need, as you won't truly know how you feel until you are in the moment. i thought i could handle my ex who slept with two guys when we were apart and i did, but now she's gone again my mind wonders..
Author bosox Posted July 15, 2012 Author Posted July 15, 2012 No I never met here just fb checked up on her. Saw pics of this new guy with her. The lie was this. I went out with a bunch of people I work with and drank during the day. I was suppose to help her babysit later that night. Well drank more than I thought. These two bartenders were talking with us and at one point grabbed my phone. They called their phone with mine so they had it. I wasn't really paying attention at the time. Well fast forward to later that night when I was babysitting. She texts me. I'm in the bathroom and I respond "it was nice meeting you, hope you and your sister have fun at the clubs tonight" I never wanted anything from them and if I was sober I would have let her know about the text...well she comes in the bathroom (as I was in there for a long time) and askes what I was doing. Being too drunk and not using my head I say texting one of my boys. She grabs my phone and looks. She took it as if I was trying to start something with this girl. She's thought of me as a liar since. She told my friend the otherday that it's too bad I tell lies. Looking back I should have went further out of my way to show her I am trustworthy but a week later I lost a very close friend. So my attention turned away from her and onto the loss of my friend. Looking at it now I could see her resentment build and that's where a lot of our issues came from in the last couple months. We never got back on track. It was my fault for thinking it would blow over and not dealing with it.
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