2muchlove Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Yesterday morning I woke up, did my morning read on LS to get out of the sleeping brokenhearted funk. I ate breakfast then proceeded to cry like i was 5 years old again for 15 minutes straight. And sometime within those 15 minutes I became very angry and took my aggression out on my tempurpedic mattress. After more LS throughout the day I started to feel much better and eventually got my bearings around 3 or 4 o clock. Later in the evening (around 8) I decided to get out of the house for the first time in 3 days and walk about the town. Turned out to be a 3 hour walk in which I had never felt better. I felt more motivated, capable, and confident than I had ever been before. I even thought to myself "I hope I see her out on the town so I can pass by and laugh to prove to myself it doesn't bother me anymore." I felt that confident. However this whole time I was walking, she was on my mind, but in a different light. I had convinced myself that I was out of her league entirely and am way above it. I also had a "I'll show her" attitude. (Once I realized that, I tried to switch it over to a "I'll show my damn self that I can do it." Worked for the remainder of the walk.) I arrive home at 11pm, dabble on the computer for a few hours. And as I am going to sleep my mind of course goes straight to her. Its not too bad, but in the back of my head I'm praying that I will wake up feeling like I did all night. Flash forward to this morning - I wake up (after dreaming about her) with my heart racing feeling like I have a pound of rocks in my stomach. I'm holding back tears and anger trying to get back to my last nights mindset. I feel as though I'm approaching this the wrong way, I just want to give up hope but I feel like I keep holding on. Its driving me crazy. I just want to be over this. I'm wasting so much time.
Thisisbs Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Yesterday morning I woke up, did my morning read on LS to get out of the sleeping brokenhearted funk. I ate breakfast then proceeded to cry like i was 5 years old again for 15 minutes straight. And sometime within those 15 minutes I became very angry and took my aggression out on my tempurpedic mattress. After more LS throughout the day I started to feel much better and eventually got my bearings around 3 or 4 o clock. Later in the evening (around 8) I decided to get out of the house for the first time in 3 days and walk about the town. Turned out to be a 3 hour walk in which I had never felt better. I felt more motivated, capable, and confident than I had ever been before. I even thought to myself "I hope I see her out on the town so I can pass by and laugh to prove to myself it doesn't bother me anymore." I felt that confident. However this whole time I was walking, she was on my mind, but in a different light. I had convinced myself that I was out of her league entirely and am way above it. I also had a "I'll show her" attitude. (Once I realized that, I tried to switch it over to a "I'll show my damn self that I can do it." Worked for the remainder of the walk.) I arrive home at 11pm, dabble on the computer for a few hours. And as I am going to sleep my mind of course goes straight to her. Its not too bad, but in the back of my head I'm praying that I will wake up feeling like I did all night. Flash forward to this morning - I wake up (after dreaming about her) with my heart racing feeling like I have a pound of rocks in my stomach. I'm holding back tears and anger trying to get back to my last nights mindset. I feel as though I'm approaching this the wrong way, I just want to give up hope but I feel like I keep holding on. Its driving me crazy. I just want to be over this. I'm wasting so much time. It's going to be a long process. Every passing day it will get easier and easier, look back at the day before, and the day before, and you'll realize that you are in better shape (even if the change is miniscule). Goodluck and try to get out of the house more, it seems like the 3 hour period you weren't in your house, you were doing the best.
tusharsolanki Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 hey pal.. m going through the same... exactly the same.. and its the same kinda situation for me.. i sometimes even get up at 3 or 4 in the morning and start crying.. no shame in that.. i loved her with all my heart.. gave her everythng.. and then caught her cheating.. its my 6th day of nc.. i know for a fact that its gona take hell of a time.. but trust me it get easier by the day.. you'l just have to ride it out.. the world is evil.. but its so, just to make us stronger.. stay strong mate.
flitzanu Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 any of you smokers? you ever tried to quit? yeah, it's like that. your ex is an addiction, and you have it in your heads that speaking to them will ease your withdrawal, but it won't. it's temporary, just like any addiction. the longer you go, the easier it starts getting. but yes, you're going to feel utterly and horribly miserable during this whole time, and nothing is going to change that. 2
Author 2muchlove Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I wish the best for you tusharsolanki. Thank you both for your words of support.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Flitz is right! NC sucks at first. It just will. But, I promise you that one day you're going to wake up and she won't be the first thing on your mind. That's when you know you're starting to heal. Okay, so getting out and walking felt good, the exercise and the fresh air helped clear your mind for the most part. If it worked last night, then try it again. Do whatever feels good (that's legal, of course.).
Author 2muchlove Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) How do I convince myself this is the right thing to do? NC is going against anything I've ever said about not giving up on us. I keep thinking she wants me to prove to her how much I want her. Because that's the kind of girl she is. And I know I should avoid those girls but it's too late. My heart was in it to win it till I got the GIGS. Then when I realized what I was doing I quickly wanted it back, now she is playing games. So it's all confusing. Edited July 12, 2012 by 2muchlove not enough info.
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 How do I convince myself this is the right thing to do? NC is going against anything I've ever said about not giving up on us. I keep thinking she wants me to prove to her how much I want her. Because that's the kind of girl she is. And I know I should avoid those girls but it's too late. My heart was in it to win it till I got the GIGS. Then when I realized what I was doing I quickly wanted it back, now she is playing games. So it's all confusing. I thought that this was a relationship? A partnership! Where a relationship should be 50-50 on the effort. Why can't she prove to you how much she wants you? To me, that bold statement tells me that she expects you to do all of the heavy lifting. How is that fair to you? Look, she made the decision to leave. She made the decision to have you out of her life. That was her choice, not yours. You are just abiding by her wishes. Now, is the time to work on you and forget about what she's doing. 1
Author 2muchlove Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Well said. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. This back and forth is driving me to insanity.
mike588 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Like alot of other people have said it's just something your going to have to go thru...I know it sucks believe me I'm over my ex. for good and you will get over your ex.too. Everyone at one time in their life gos thru this so your not alone. The good news is you WILL get thru this and over this one day that I promise you! You'll come out a better and stronger person and will have learned some important lessons to carry over to your next relationship. It gets better each and every day but their will be setbacks here and there.
flitzanu Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 How do I convince myself this is the right thing to do? NC is going against anything I've ever said about not giving up on us. I keep thinking she wants me to prove to her how much I want her. Because that's the kind of girl she is. And I know I should avoid those girls but it's too late. My heart was in it to win it till I got the GIGS. Then when I realized what I was doing I quickly wanted it back, now she is playing games. So it's all confusing. girls don't actually leave you in the hopes that you're going to chase them. if a girl walks away mad and wants you to chase, and you DON'T, they'll be calling you hours later asking why you didn't chase them. besides, if your ex TRULY wants to be with you, she would be. you need to cut the bs of the "games". you've told her how you feel, you don't need to keep doing it over and over, she already knows. now it's up to her, and you can't change that.
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