Veryconfused12345 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 :(Hi, First of all, I just wanted to say this site has been such an incredible support through one of the hardest break-ups of my life! I'm nearly a year out of the relationship that completely broke my heart. My long-term bf basically walked away only to start dating someone about 3 weeks later. He blamed me for ruining the relationship but have since admitted he was just feeling insecure. Since the massive fall out in which I was totally devastated he's continued to call me, email me, and tell me he misses me terribly. It's been hard but I've since cut off contact and done everything possible to be happy on my own. I guess I'm wondering if for anyone else, after the debilitating grief part passes, how long did you feel like you were for lack of a better analogy, wandering around under a bit of a cloud? After a year of being single, I'm going out on dates and although it's been a bit miss lately, I suppose it's good right? I don't know, I suppose I just feel like I'm going through the motions but for a year out, shouldn't I be seeing him for who he really is as opposed to the only man I'll ever be happy with. I do still feel intensely sad a lot of the time and I can't shake this. I'm worried I never will... He's asked to see me and spend time together to see if we're comfortable with each other since he broke up with his rebound. He still talks to her regularly. It feels like despite the stringing along I'm still throwing myself at him. I'm sincerely doing all I can to let go. I'd be so grateful for anyone who could maybe remind me of how to look forward because everything has been a bit blury lately... Thanks
magneet Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 :(Hi, First of all, I just wanted to say this site has been such an incredible support through one of the hardest break-ups of my life! I'm nearly a year out of the relationship that completely broke my heart. My long-term bf basically walked away only to start dating someone about 3 weeks later. He blamed me for ruining the relationship but have since admitted he was just feeling insecure. Since the massive fall out in which I was totally devastated he's continued to call me, email me, and tell me he misses me terribly. It's been hard but I've since cut off contact and done everything possible to be happy on my own. I guess I'm wondering if for anyone else, after the debilitating grief part passes, how long did you feel like you were for lack of a better analogy, wandering around under a bit of a cloud? After a year of being single, I'm going out on dates and although it's been a bit miss lately, I suppose it's good right? I don't know, I suppose I just feel like I'm going through the motions but for a year out, shouldn't I be seeing him for who he really is as opposed to the only man I'll ever be happy with. I do still feel intensely sad a lot of the time and I can't shake this. I'm worried I never will... He's asked to see me and spend time together to see if we're comfortable with each other since he broke up with his rebound. He still talks to her regularly. It feels like despite the stringing along I'm still throwing myself at him. I'm sincerely doing all I can to let go. I'd be so grateful for anyone who could maybe remind me of how to look forward because everything has been a bit blury lately... Thanks hi it sounds as if you want him one the hand whereas on the hand you still want him... then makes it tough. my first gf, my first LTR and first love - heck,that took me a good 2 years to get over and with that i ruined my next relationship. what i do want to say is that some people have a bigger impact, maybe you should look at urself of why you struggle to move on? I have come to see on these forums that all the people, including myself have got issues to sort out within ourselves. Its seems that a lot of us have co-dependency issues... i might not be giving you the answers you want, but maybe have a look at that and take it from there. so my first ex - the 1st year was tough, dreamt of her regularly, hooked up a few times, saw her kissing other people which destroyed me and then things got better... but still there... so i guess some people just impact you more than others.. even if you know that its not good.
Author Veryconfused12345 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Hi Magneet, Thanks so much for your message, it's really helpful to know other people have taken time to fully let go. I've really thought there's something wrong with me recently as I seem to be moving in the wrong direction. I just didn't realize how difficult being back in the dating scene was and I suppose it's easy to idealize the comfort you had with an ex, despite the fact that at the beginning I was probably as shy with him as I am with dates now. I really appreciate your honesty, I'm sure everyone who has been devastated needs to develop themselves as well (whether it's confidence, communication, self worth, etc.) I know there are issues to address with myself first and foremost. I suppose lonliness is the one thing everyone can empathize with though right?
Samilia Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 :(Hi, First of all, I just wanted to say this site has been such an incredible support through one of the hardest break-ups of my life! I'm nearly a year out of the relationship that completely broke my heart. My long-term bf basically walked away only to start dating someone about 3 weeks later. He blamed me for ruining the relationship but have since admitted he was just feeling insecure. Since the massive fall out in which I was totally devastated he's continued to call me, email me, and tell me he misses me terribly. It's been hard but I've since cut off contact and done everything possible to be happy on my own. I guess I'm wondering if for anyone else, after the debilitating grief part passes, how long did you feel like you were for lack of a better analogy, wandering around under a bit of a cloud? After a year of being single, I'm going out on dates and although it's been a bit miss lately, I suppose it's good right? I don't know, I suppose I just feel like I'm going through the motions but for a year out, shouldn't I be seeing him for who he really is as opposed to the only man I'll ever be happy with. I do still feel intensely sad a lot of the time and I can't shake this. I'm worried I never will... He's asked to see me and spend time together to see if we're comfortable with each other since he broke up with his rebound. He still talks to her regularly. It feels like despite the stringing along I'm still throwing myself at him. I'm sincerely doing all I can to let go. I'd be so grateful for anyone who could maybe remind me of how to look forward because everything has been a bit blury lately... Thanks Why is he asking to hang out with you, to give it another go or to be friends? I'd need to know that to form a proper opinion.
CailinPig Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 My answer might not make you happy, but it might show you what your future could be like, if you follow my path! Like you, I was with my ex for a few years, he was my first and only love and when we broke up, I thought I would die. That was 5 years ago now. BECAUSE I HAVE REMAINED IN CONTACT WITH HIM, HERE IS WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THOSE 5 YEARS: 1. I have hooked up with him several times 2. I have hooked up with him while he was with 2 other gf's. This is something I never imagined I would do. 3. He regularly tells me he loves me but he's still with someone. 4. I often cut contact but never for good 5. I still love him 6. He still has the power to upset me and make me cry and the craziest thing of all - He hasn't lived in the same country as me for about 3 years now. So, my advice? You don't see a future for you and this guy?? RUN LIKE THE ****1NG WIND, GIRL. RUN, AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!
magneet Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 i think we should learn to enjoy being alone and not feel lonely, per se... its a learning process, where we have to start within (especially if its been a while after the breakup).. Best of luck, holding thumbs and know we all go through this
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