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Posted

I am totally confused! after half a year together I initiated sex a "quickie" my boyfriend is hella busy these days and it had been over 10 days and I was feeling so sexually frustrated and asked him to come over for 30 mins and told him i wanted for us to have sex.

 

he freaked out literally and it took like 7-10 mins of coaxing him to finally have sex and even then neither of us had an orgasm PLEASE tell me what the hell is going on here!?!

 

These are his main excuses as to why he didn't wanna have sex with ME A SCORPIO WOMAN?!?!

 

he said that it would make him tired to return back to his work and if i could just wait a few days more days

 

then he said we have a relationship rule that we cant have sex unless he is able to spend the night and he doesnt wanna break our relationship law

 

then he said "what has gotten into you???" OMG am i not allowed to have sexual needs

 

im totally in shock

 

is there any evidence that having an intermittent non-regular sex life is hazardous to your emotional health and well being?? b/c i swear that it's hurting mine it's almost as if pandoras box of sexual appetite was opened and NOW unless i get it from him somewhat regularly i feel as if i am suffering somehow...if i just dont have sex for extended lengths of time there's no problem perhaps it's an addiction like nicotine or something :( advice guys?

Posted (edited)

While there's always a first time for everything, so far, I've never had a bad reaction from a guy after initiating.

 

Though I think it really depends on the guy, from experience most guys are very happy and would encourage it - means less work for them when they know that sex is on the cards.

 

Based on your OP, your rules would be too rigid for me. I've found that flexibility is very important when it comes to intimacy and unless having rules and regulations are part of the sexplay, I'm not sure that I'd be happy for someone to say that we couldn't even have a quickie on the sly.

 

Having said that, I'm not sure I would have agreed to such a rule in the first - why did you?

 

Of course, it's possible that he does indeed have some physiological issue going on with him for which he is receiving medical treatment. If that's the case, then he needs to come clean rather than fob you off with saying that he'll be too tired for work. Again, from experience, most guys would rather be tired for work than give up a session of sex with their girlfrined.

 

I suspect that this is an indication that you are sexual incompatible. I don't think either of you are unreasonable in terms of wanting more/less sex. But if there is a discrepancy, you need to be able to work out and agree to a compromise. If that becomes too much and you're both unsatisfied with the arrangement, it will creep into the rest of your relationship and drive you apart.

 

I think it's time to review your agreement and "relationship laws." Perhaps they might be working for him, but it sounds like they're not working for you.

Edited by january2011
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Posted

I made the rule b/c one morning after sex he just rushed off to work and I got extremely hurt...but if I felt okay for a quickie it's like he didn't let it register that I wouldn't be hurt in this case or something...I guess he was still so traumatized by the time I felt hurt from before or something...but I was feeling way less hormonal and mostly wanted to just feel a physical connection with him regardless of whether or not he could stay the night and I get that I sent mixed signals by making the rule and breaking it 10 days later but for goodness sakes.

Posted
I get that I sent mixed signals by making the rule and breaking it 10 days later but for goodness sakes.

 

You need to think about what it is that you actually want and what you need. Communicate these to him. Find out if he is willing/able to meet your needs and wants. Find out if you're able to meet his.

 

I don't think it's necessarily about you initiating that's the issue. It more that you both agreed on something and you went back on the agreement. While in some relationships, both people are flexible enough to bend the "rules" now and again, it sounds like you are a lot more flexible than he is. Thus the friction that you're experiencing at the moment.

 

Figure out what you want then talk to him.

  • Like 1
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Posted

LOL i <3 your comments!

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Posted
You need to think about what it is that you actually want and what you need. Communicate these to him. Find out if he is willing/able to meet your needs and wants. Find out if you're able to meet his.

 

I don't think it's necessarily about you initiating that's the issue. It more that you both agreed on something and you went back on the agreement. While in some relationships, both people are flexible enough to bend the "rules" now and again, it sounds like you are a lot more flexible than he is. Thus the friction that you're experiencing at the moment.

 

Figure out what you want then talk to him.

 

 

okay WHEN i did tell him what I wanted these were his bizarre replies:

 

Yes I understand exactly what you are saying and agree with you that we should take care of our regular sex life. I understand your feelings from last night and will try to keep regular sex relations in the future. Have a good day."

 

WTF

Posted
okay WHEN i did tell him what I wanted these were his bizarre replies:

 

Yes I understand exactly what you are saying and agree with you that we should take care of our regular sex life. I understand your feelings from last night and will try to keep regular sex relations in the future. Have a good day."

 

WTF

 

It's his way of acknowledging your concerns. It might seem very formal and bordering on psychobabble, but it is better than his ignoring you or pretending that the conversation didn't happen.

 

Having said that, while he's agreeing with you that it's an issue, he hasn't offered any solutions. I think that you need to talk more about solutions. He sounds like he's a bit of a thinker and it may be that he already has some ideas about how to move forward.

 

Again, talk to him. But be clear about what it is that you want/need and try to stick to the agreed solutions. Otherwise, perhaps you're just not on the same page in terms of your communication, emotional and sexual needs.

Posted

Next time, let seduction be your friend. See how it goes. Assertive can be expressed in differing ways.

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Posted
Having said that, while he's agreeing with you that it's an issue, he hasn't offered any solutions. I think that you need to talk more about solutions. He sounds like he's a bit of a thinker and it may be that he already has some ideas about how to move forward.

 

Exactly, exactly he hasnt offered any solutions all he said as a follow up message was:

 

"Thank you, it is important for me to know how you think about my character. I think we can discuss it in detail later."

 

Yes you are TOTALLY correct he's a thinker :) and apparently im a doer LOL

Posted
"Thank you, it is important for me to know how you think about my character. I think we can discuss it in detail later."

 

This sounds promising! Good luck. As long as you both know what you need/want and can articulate it, things will be much clearer. And it will be much easier to find a way forward from this.

Posted

Can't complain if you tie them up and stuff a sock in their mouth now, can they?

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