DontWorryBHappy Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I need help. Lately one of my friends has been coming over more lately. About a week and a half ago we started cuddling while watching movies, and that led to making out on a couple different nights. I went from thinking of him as just a friend (a friend that I've had for a couple of years), to getting some feelings. The thing is, we didn't say one word about the cuddling and making out.... And finally today I brought it up. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, which I know is usually guy-speak for "not into you" but I asked him if he had any kind of feelings for me at all because he must have been cuddling and kissing me for some reason. He responded that he "just missed being affectionate with someone". I was willing to somehow be ok with everything until he said that. It makes me feel used.... Used for affection. He says he didn't use me because he didn't plan on it happening. But I still feel crappy about it anyway because that means that cuddling and kissing him caused me to have feelings for him, but cuddling and kissing me did nothing for him. So what the hell is wrong with me then? Why am I the person to fill the affection void??? And I guess the friendship is busted too...
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Dude, I feel really bad right now. I'm actually more upset at the moment by the friendship being messed up. Do you think he even valued me as a friend at all? We cuddled once or twice before we made out. And then we made out twice... All of this happened over different days... He had time to think about what he was doing... So I'm wondering if he ever considered my feelings... Was he just being selfish the whole time and filling his void for affection? Maybe he never was as good as a friend as I thought, or did he just make a stupid mistake that I should be able to forgive? I'm so confused. I guess I know that he's immature, so maybe he just didn't know how to bring it up...?
Emilia Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I think the bottom line is that when someone wants something very different from you, you have to re-evaluate your relationship with them and perhaps move on. You are not friends, no. Clearly he should have thought about the consequences but he didn't bother. I would probably drop him and not really bother speaking to him again.
ascendotum Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Do you think he even valued me as a friend at all? He's been your friend for a couple of years, so I say he did and still likely does, and he has not been scheming to do this for all that time. You saw him as just a friend for those 2 yrs, yet went along with the smooching session. You didn't see a problem with pashing him at the time and its not like you had been wishing he was much more for you in your life and dropping hints to him, so at the time you on were both in new territory. You could say you were emotionally used, but then people get used by their friends for their companionship when they are lonely and down in spirits also (but yeah this is a little more). He should have had a little chat with you at the time to see if you were on the same wavelengh, but you also could have hauled him up at the time and asked him whats with the sudden passion, as well. If he had not said what he did, would you have suddenly after 2 yrs fallen in love with your friend, simply because he made a move on you?
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Not in love, no. But feelings? Yeah... The cuddling and making out was intimate, and happened more than once. It made me see him in a different way... Not unreasonable. Right now I feel like even if I can say "alright let's move on from this" I'll still feel crappy or embarrassed to even be around him. I'll still know that he was able to make out with me and cuddle with me for long periods of times, multiple times, and develop zero feelings for me. And that makes me feel crappy no matter which way I spin it. We never had an extremely close friendship... It was always quite casual, and we didn't see each other often until lately. We mostly would speak on the phone. So something like this could (and may have) done irreparable damage...
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I don't know. Part of me really wants to put it aside and be friends again like it just didn't happen. But I don't know if it could go back to ever being normal. I think I'm just going to not say anything else, and see if he says anything further. If he says anything further, maybe that will indicate that he at least is concerned or values the friendship.. And then maybe something can be patched up. But if he just let's the whole thing die then I might just let it die too. And then maybe we'll never talk again or maybe we'll catch up again after a really long time or something. Who knows..
thatone Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Holy **** imagine if men were as neurotic as women. we'd be extinct, dodo birds would rule the earth.
an6el Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 friendship is busted, I'm sorry to say but yeah he did kind of used you..... you should stop communications with him and see what happens.... I mean I know it's going to be tough, but I'll tell you this is exactly like me and my Husband when we were about to start dating. But as soon as he stopped texting me or calling me, I started texting him back, so if you give him the less attention stage, he may think about it. 1
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