Wanting to contact an ex... The fact he's in the army just complicates the situation

[jay266]

...not even an ex really. We were never in a relationship. We dated for a few months. It was never supposed to be serious because we both knew he was moving away for work (he's in the army). So of course I fell in love with him. First love. First everything.

 

Should've known I had it bad when, a week before he was due to move, he confessed that up until that day, he hadn't actually been single. That he had only, that very afternoon, broken up with his girlfriend of five years who had travelled from their hometown to surprise him before he was sent to his new post. She was supposed to join him in the new town after he got settled. He had intended just to end things with me when he left town and pick up with her like nothing had happened.

 

To this day she doesn't know that he was cheating on her with me.

 

He cried. I cried. I forgave him.

 

He moved away. We kept in contact. I was nowhere near being over him.

 

Four months later a training course bought him back to my city. We spent the weekend together.

 

When that course finished a week later he returned home and changed his relationship status on Facebook from being single to being in a relationship.

 

Considering that he'd only been home for a day, I had to assume that he was already with this new girlfriend before he went on the training course. Meaning that he'd cheated on a girlfriend with me, again.

 

I sent a very cutting text message. No anger. No swearing. Just tearing shreds off him and telling him exactly what I thought of his behaviour.

 

He was upset that I was just cutting him out. I was completely heartbroken. Didn't tell him that of course but I'm sure he had a good idea.

 

About 6 months after absolutely no contact from either side, I got a text message from him saying that he still had the card I gave him before he moved, that I shouldn't think for a minute that he's forgotten about me, and that he hoped everything was going well.

 

I deleted the message.

 

I really struggled in the following six months, knowing that he probably sent that message before he was deployed to a war zone. Facebook stalking his sister has convinced me that he made it home from his tour safely, which was a massive relief.

 

It has been two years since this man came into my life and I know that I should be over him. I know that he has a history of being a liar and a cheater, and he lives on the other side of the country from me, and he's still in a relationship with the girl he got together with after his training course.

 

I've dated a few guys since him but haven't even had strong feelings for them, let alone been in love with them. Currently single and fighting the urge to contact him. Not because I want to be with him, just because I hate the thought that he probably thinks that I hate him. Because I don't hate him. If anything I'm grateful for the lessons on life and love that I learnt because of my time with him.

 

But I REALLY hate the thought that he could be sent into a war zone again, thinking that I hate him.

 

For about a month now I've been toying with the idea of sending him a message that says I hope he's going well.

 

But I was so adament about cutting him out of my life that I'm really torn about whether it's the right thing to do. Maybe it doesn't matter either way, but I'm the world's most indecisive person so I thought I'd share my story on here and see what you lovely folk have to say...

 

Thoughts?

[Spooky5785]

That sounds like a really heartbreaking and complicated situation. Especially because he was your first. Personally, I don't think you should contact him, since he didn't have the decency to be completely honest during that whole time that you and him were having a thing together. He might go to a warzone or he might not, but I think you just have to except that he's in your past. It doesn't mean that there can't always be a place in your heart for him, but contacting him would likely just tempt you to throw yourself back onto that emotional roller coaster, so to speak. Just as you said, he taught you a lot about life and love. That should be enough in my opinion.