Spooky5785 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) I broke up with my ex back in March of this year. I felt like I had to do it, but my heart wasn't all the way in it. We had been dating for 4 and a half years on and off, and she was basically starting a new chapter in her life (weight lose, new friends, vacations, etc...) 5 months before the split. I cheated on her 2 years in, and I felt absolutely horrible for it and vowed never to do it again. Shortly after that, we broke up and she slept with another guy. We remained separated for awhile and she eventually came back to me after insisting that she was dying inside. We got back together but the rest of the relationship was really rocky. We would break up and get back together over and over. Two days before I broke it off she messaged me on facebook, and claimed that "starting over" was the only way to fix our relationship, mind you, she had just seen a romantic movie and might have been feeling a little sentimental. I disagreed to it being the only way to fix our relationship but I agreed to "starting over". Needless to say, she came by on the day that I dumped her and we had a very awkward conversation. I asked her if she wanted to start coming to my house on the weekends, and she wouldn't respond. She then said, "We can't start over right now, I just meant that we need to in order to fix our relationship." I was very disappointed and I began to think that she was just playing mind games with me because she had done it before. Plus, our sex life at this point was pretty much non-existent because she claimed that intercourse had become painful for her, which I thought was bull****. The reasoning for that is because I have developed heart problems over the course of our relationship and I'm self-conscious about my performance, but she has never complained about it. There were many other problems in the relationship, though. She had acted distant for quite awhile and disregarded my needs and wants consistently. It got to where everything was about her. A month after we broke up (3 months ago) she texted me interrogating me, claiming that I was sleeping with this girl I used to date and she knew about it. We ended up having a huge fight and a lot of issues were dredged up. She still claims that she never lied about the sex issue, but I still think that that's a lie because her brother told me that she was trying to sleep with her step uncle when they were all drinking. She claimed that there was just too much damage in our past and that our relationship was really over along time ago (when I cheated on her). However, I spent the last 2 years of our relationship trying as hard as I could to be wonderful to her (cooking her dinner every night etc...). I have had a very hard time coping with the break up, while on the other hand she seems to be doing wonderful. This girl was sooo in love with me and it just amazes me how much she's changed. Now she has lost 30 lbs. and she's doing all kinds of traveling and fun things. She is still single, as far as I know, because my mom talks about it all the time (she's still her facebook friend). I know I shouldn't try to contact her, but it's so hard because I really do still love her. However, I know that we could never be together happily again because we are just too different now, and we have a lot of resentment for each other. I'm kind of stuck at my house all the time at the moment because my car is broken down so it makes this situation even more difficult to deal with. I know if she was in my shoes she'd be suicidal. How should I deal with this? Should i try to at least be friends with her? She said that she still wanted to be friends before we had that txt fight back in May, but now there's no contact. She has done and said some really hurtful things to me, so I just don't know. I've tried and tried to stop thinking about her and I can't. Any advice would be appreciated. Edited July 12, 2012 by Spooky5785
Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I know I shouldn't try to contact her, but it's so hard because I really do still love her. However, I know that we could never be together happily again because we are just too different now, and we have a lot of resentment for each other. You answered your own question right there of whether you should still be in touch with her or not. It's a combination of resentment and trust issues on both sides and based on what you wrote, it's clear that things have built up to a point where reconciliation is going to be next to impossible for both of you to achieve. 4 and a half years is a long time, even if it was off and on, and it's going to take a long time for anyone to bounce back from that. Now here is my question for you: It sounds like your ex is well on her way towards building a new life for herself, shouldn't you start doing the same for yourself?
Author Spooky5785 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) Your most likely right, and I guess in a way I'm glad I finally broke it off. I'm just old fashioned I guess, in that I like to hold on and try to fix things. She claimed she loved me until the last day we were together. As the saying goes "Life goes on." It sucks and I'm just trying to get through the feelings. Obviously, it's no problem for her, which is more of a reason why I should just forget about it. However, it's like I can't help it, but I guess it just takes time. More time for me than her apparently. I am trying to improve my life, but I'm in a different situation than she is in at the moment, so it's easier for her. That's why I stated that she would probably be suicidal right now. I'm trying to go back to school and get a degree, so I've got that going for me. She told me that she "did" love me, and that was like 3 weeks after we split up. I just don't think she knows what love is yet apparently. It's day by day though. Just trying to forget about her and move on. My mom told me that she posted a status on facebook saying that she finally threw all the stuff I gave her away, and that it meant nothing to her but a life lesson so....I just need to let go. It' hard though. Edited July 12, 2012 by Spooky5785
Nancy B Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I never understood people who publicly put that crap on Facebook. Especially when your mother can view it, it's pretty disrespectful. Of course that stuff meant something to her. I can relate to your pain. My ex seems totally fine. After being confused for a long time and a dragged out break up I feel more cut up now than ever and hes just over it.
Author Spooky5785 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Yeah, I never understood how people just "move on" from people that were so important and detrimental to their lives. It seems to me that if we were so important, they would have tried harder to keep the relationship alive. This girl was obsessed with me, and I kid you not, when we first started dating I couldn't get her to leave me alone. Then, I made an honest mistake and beat myself up over and over for it, still everything changed, but why stay with someone if your heart's no longer in it? I fell in love with her gradually, and that's how I work, I build relationships with people. Plus feelings as well. I don't just fall head over heals with someone and then get totally disinterested. She hung on for almost 5 years but I don't see how, judging from the way she is. I had to end it, but I still love her and now I'm just trying to bring myself not to. But yeah, I can understand what your going through, and I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks for the support!
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