Author Acura Posted August 30, 2012 Author Posted August 30, 2012 Knowing that nothing will happen, why can;t i move on easily?
carhill Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 IME, inability to move on can be impelled by 'limbo', meaning a lack of progressing the emotions of loss to acceptance. For a more concrete example of the process, one can examine the grieving process that happens when a loved one dies.
RedRobin Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 'I realize, because of my feelings for you, that this friendship is unhealthy for me, so I must discontinue'. Simple and direct. Then act. She might not like it but, if she's healthy, she'll respect you. If she's using you, she'll 'poof'. That's a gift. IMO, her reaction will define whether or not she's truly a friend of yours. Good luck. OP, I second this... I'm a woman with male friends and have heard it and said it myself before. It happens. Question for you Carhill... when you say 'poof', what do you mean? Wouldn't that be the point? It seems to be a sign of respect to go 'poof' if the other person can't be or doesn't want to be around you.. isn't it? When it happened to me, I'd say something like "I'm very sorry to hear that, but I understand. Please take care." OTOH, we never really totally poofed. There are rare occasions where we'd see each other, or have a reason to chat... but it would be for business reasons or something very specific. Not personal or emotional.
carhill Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) Question for you Carhill... when you say 'poof', what do you mean? Wouldn't that be the point? It seems to be a sign of respect to go 'poof' if the other person can't be or doesn't want to be around you.. isn't it?'Poof' is the word I use to describe a person disconnecting/erasing another person as if they had never existed, without care or emotion. Such 'poofs' indicate that the other person, the one 'poof'ed' on, was essentially a non-person servicing their needs/wants, as opposed to a friend. A true friend would have a heartfelt conversation and, as appropriate, a similar goodbye. There would be empathy and closure facilitated. I had to go back and read but it appears the OP has been 'friends' with this person for a number of years. That would exemplify my description of the potential. Edited August 30, 2012 by carhill
ChatroomHero Posted August 30, 2012 Posted August 30, 2012 From your original post, "what keeps me thinking is when i hang out with other girls, she seems really jealous, she doesn't say it,but all of a sudden she brings up conversations of other guys she think is cute. its funny how this goes. " You have pretty good evidence of how it would be to just be friends with her. You would always want her, try to meet other women to get over her, but if she is displaying the noticeable pattern of jealousy you mention, I expect she might try to give you advice and do things with the intent to keep you as her single, always available, non-sexual friend. She'll get upset and pull you back in if you spend time with another woman. She'll probably give you tainted advice. It would be kind of self-destructive. Everytime you think you want to keep this girl as a friend you need to think how it will feel when you spend all day with her doing boyfriend stuff and she leaves at 11pm to go sleep with some guy she met randomly at a bar. Or she dates a guy without a job that treats her kind of sh*tty and turns to you to make her happy only to leave and make him happy in bed. Or she meets a great guy and uses you for bf stuff and leaves to spend the night with him. That would be the friendship. Not her fault, not your fault, just what it would be.
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