Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I have been seeing this girl for a few months. We usually don't see each other that often (about once or twice a week) but we text each other all day and night. She would tell me that she loves me and misses me. She is always the one wanting and initiating sex. Last week, she came over my house and we had sex. She texted me asking "how long are we going to keep this up?". I asked her what she meant, and she said "doing what we're doing". I told her how I feel about her emotionally, in which she replied with "okay, I guess we'll see where this goes." Moving forward to the next week, she tells me she misses and loves me again. Texts me dirty, sexual things about how she wants to do it. Today, she came over this morning and we had sex. Everything seemed just fine and there were no problems. She seemed to be okay when she left (smiling; gave me a kiss when she walked out of my house). She didn't reply to my text for about 6 hours afterwards. She just texted me about an hour ago, "I need space for a few days". I asked her if it was me, and why she needed space. She said "No. I just want to be alone." So can you guys help me with how she is feeling and why she is acting like this? What does "space" usually mean?
Pyro Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Hopefully you didn't say that you loved her back because it's not love between you two. She seems odd, but my guess is that there is another guy.
YellowShark Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Sounds like something suddenly happened in her life and she needs some space. So don't be a needy clingy "douchebag" and give it to her. If it is meant to be she will come back. Meanwhile go about your life, don't over-think it, and let her have some space.
Author Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 She texted me saying "It feels like we're in a relationship. I'm single and I don't feel like it."
monkey00 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 She texted me saying "It feels like we're in a relationship. I'm single and I don't feel like it." That's confusing. But it sounds to me like she may not be ready to be committed in one. Normally for most people by the 3 month mark they usually question/know if they're in a relationship. Did you guys have the talk yet?
YellowShark Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 She texted me saying "It feels like we're in a relationship. I'm single and I don't feel like it." She needs space. Give it to her. There are two outcomes. 1) She realizes she really likes you and comes running back. 2) She bails, and you had sex and fun for a couple months. A win win for you. And if she does end up getting cold feet and bailing, then she has only dumped you into HUGE a pool of other eligible women.
carhill Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 She tells you she loves you and has sex with you. For some folks, that's marriage Maybe she's polyamorous and has another guy going on. Maybe she's overwhelmed and feels like she's on the edge on an abyss (falling in love). Maybe she realizes that she and you are not on the same page as far as a relationship goes. Maybe, maybe. The solution is communication. After her 'cave time', request that, proactively. Meanwhile, life goes on. If your relationship was casual and non-specific, continue dating/mating with other women. Otherwise, hang out with your guy friends and time will pass.
ascendotum Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Sounds like something suddenly happened in her life and she needs some space. So don't be a needy clingy "douchebag" and give it to her. If it is meant to be she will come back. Meanwhile go about your life, don't over-think it, and let her have some space. I agree. A least she said 'need space for a few days' and not 'I need a break...I need some space' or 'we need to take a break'. You got a timeline which is much better news for you that its not indefinite space. It could be the start in a change of heart though. Will you miss her if its longer (not just the sex)? If so maybe you should take note that you can't take the casual sex each week for granted and she might want you to take more initiative in the relationship.
Author Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 She's mentioned to me before that she doesn't see a "future" with me and that we "wouldn't work out", yet, she still comes back to me after walking away a couple times.
monkey00 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 She's mentioned to me before that she doesn't see a "future" with me and that we "wouldn't work out", yet, she still comes back to me after walking away a couple times. Yeesh. She sounds mentally unstable. Girls are complicated!
ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 "She seemed to be okay when she left (smiling; gave me a kiss when she walked out of my house)." No they are not complicated, many of them are simply cowards without self-confidence. The described behavior is typical, I experienced this twice in my life. OP, I give you a really good advice few others have already mentioned. Let her go for the moment. Do not try to chase. If she was really that much into you she WILL get back to you, it could take a while (weeks - months). However to be brutally honest, if she does come back YOU should evaluate if you really want her...
Author Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Girls never know what they want...
InJest Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 You need to be seeing other girls, and not caring what this girl thinks. She said she doesn't see a future, so just **** her until you find another girl that you really like. Even if she does come back, keep seeing other women.
Author Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 You need to be seeing other girls, and not caring what this girl thinks. She said she doesn't see a future, so just **** her until you find another girl that you really like. Even if she does come back, keep seeing other women. As much as I love her, sometimes I feel like she is just a placeholder for another girl in the future. Deep down I know it's not right to think that.
an6el Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 space - she wants some a lone time but it that would be strange... seems like something up between her.... no I'm not meaning her legs I mean her mind, maybe another guy, maybe he's worried, maybe she's prego, idk
Quiet Storm Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Have you ever asked her if she wanted to be exclusive? The reason I ask because she may be playing games. Her comments to me sound as if she could be hinting that she wants you to make it official. Since you didn't pick up on the hint, she needs space. A lot of young girls don't feel comfortable being direct, so they drop hints and get mad when you don't pick up on them.
Author Screwed_Over Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 If I don't contact her, will she miss me and take the initiative and text me first, or will she be angry that I didn't bother contacting her? Is this a game she is playing so that I would have the balls to reach out to her?
It's Just Me Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I once read somewhere that the three-month mark (or thereabouts) is usually a watershed point in a new relationship. Some people get squirrelly and bolt because they feel vulnerable and don't like that, or they have taken off the rose-coloured glasses and don't see a future. Others soldier on happily. Be thankful that she has moved on. No good can come of a reconciliation - whatever is bugging her now will come back to bite you both in the butt.
Author Screwed_Over Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 Bump and update: We were officially over as of 2 weeks ago. I don't know how to feel. I am relieved to no longer have to deal with her BS drama and fighting. She has gradually gotten fatter the past couple months. Yet, I still miss everything about her. Maybe I am just going through my withdrawal phase. 1
Author Screwed_Over Posted September 17, 2012 Author Posted September 17, 2012 I try to keep telling myself that she means nothing to me. I try to think of all the negatives about her and the relationship, but a part of me misses it. Thoughts run through my head when I am alone (especially before I fall asleep at night and the morning when I wake up). It's really tough dealing with this. I know they say time will heal and no contact is a must, but the matter is when? I've seen her out in public, and seems to have no visible signs of sorrow and suffering that I am feeling. I've always told her that her happiness is the most important thing to me, but now, I am sure she is happier without me.
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