tenspoons Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Is it normal to feel anxious during the point in a relationship when the both of you have not confessed feelings but have showed signs of affection? I find myself feeling upset in the stomach, like I have something to get off of my chest, but we have both made it obvious that we like each other a lot. There just isn't verbal communication on feelings, and I don't think it's time to say anything yet. Does anyone know what that means, or how to deal with it? I know confessing would fix it, but like I said, it's not exactly the time yet.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 It's normal if you aren't yet a couple and don't know what to think or feel. But if you're already in a relationship, I can't see why to have anxiety about being expressive. Just breathe and don't force things.
carhill Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 What is preventing verbal communication of feelings? I'll call it out...fear Pushing through and accepting success or failure is the cure. 1
Author tenspoons Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 yeah we aren't a couple yet. I guess the thing I am anxious about is that someone else might come into the picture to snatch her up instead of me. That is like my biggest fear at the moment, and the reason why I am so anxious is because I want to get things truckin' along into commitment so no one else DOES come into the picture. It would give me security, and help me sleep, because I know she is still in the market, and idk where I stand still. I know forcing it would not be good, but just sitting here waiting for the opportunity to pop the question and become a couple is literally bringing me to tears. Every second I wait here, gives every second for some other dude out there to do something with my girl and pop the question himself. And I can't do a damn thing about it. I imagine this is how Leia felt as her home planet was blow up right in front of her by the death star while she was imprisoned on that ship forced to watch. seeing something you have feelings for taken while you can literally do nothing. I just can't stop thinking about it. breathing won't help anything.
Author tenspoons Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) What is preventing verbal communication of feelings? I'll call it out...fear Pushing through and accepting success or failure is the cure. Yeah I can see it being fear. I actually broke through about 4-5 huge fears I had while on a date with her today which were a success and made me feel like a dumb for being afraid of failing them. the last one I chickened out on, it was the goodbye kiss. But yeah, I suppose fear of failure never came to mind. If I don't do something and push through it, then someone else who isn't afraid, or stronger will. If I do fail, then it would be a whole lot better than having the feeling of "what if" for the rest of my life. Who knows, I am probably already in the position of success but I am too chicken to realize it. Edited July 12, 2012 by tenspoons
venusianx13 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 She's probably waiting for you to "establish" something. Traditionally, men take the lead in those sorts of things. And as for time frames, who cares? If your feelings are mutual for one another, why not become a couple? I hope you get it off your chest... and don't wait for the "right time", haha...such a thing does not exist. Good luck!
burningashes Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 The worst that can happen is that she tells you the truth, that she doesn't like you in that way. But you've been getting good vibes, so it's likely the girl will tell you she likes you, and you have the happy ever after ending. That's what life is about... taking chances, because nothing will happen if you don't do something about it. Feeling anxious about it is perfectly normal, you can keep enjoying the flirting and banter with the girl until you muster up the courage to just ask her. Yeah, you run the risk of letting her get snatched up... so at the end of the day, it's on you to be the first one to make the first move. Can't have it any other way. If you're feeling anxious about telling her directly... perhaps you could write a little note and give it to her. Or make a comment on something that could lead the conversation where you feel comfortable telling the girl you like her. It doesn't have to be planned, just do what you feel is the right way telling her you like her I took such a chance too, recently.. with a friend who I had known for a year. We liked each other a lot, but I wasn't capable of having a relationship at the time, I had too much on my plate (legal problems and school). So for a year we were friends.. until all the things that were taking up my time resolved. I just leaned in and kissed him one day when he came down to let me in his apartment.. and now we're seeing each other. If I hadn't taken that chance, I wouldn't have found out whether he liked me or not. What do you have to lose?? 1
Feelin Frisky Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Yeah I can see it being fear. I actually broke through about 4-5 huge fears I had while on a date with her today which were a success and made me feel like a dumb for being afraid of failing them. the last one I chickened out on, it was the goodbye kiss. But yeah, I suppose fear of failure never came to mind. If I don't do something and push through it, then someone else who isn't afraid, or stronger will. If I do fail, then it would be a whole lot better than having the feeling of "what if" for the rest of my life. Who knows, I am probably already in the position of success but I am too chicken to realize it. You're not even close if you've taken her out more than once and aren't getting the sense that you can kiss her good night. So, knowing this now my advice is to use touch first to find out how receptive she is. When you go our with her and if you haven't held hands, offer your arm at least. Then if she takes it after a while see drop it down but in a way that signals to take your hand. If she won't, then you know it ain't happening. If she takes your hand then it's on. I don't believe that one should just poke his face out there for a kiss--leading with your lips is risky. Use touch. Nothing verbal has to come from her if you make the right moves with your hands but she doesn't want to go there. You'll just know you're a "friend" (or a free meal).
Author tenspoons Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) You're not even close if you've taken her out more than once and aren't getting the sense that you can kiss her good night. So, knowing this now my advice is to use touch first to find out how receptive she is. When you go our with her and if you haven't held hands, offer your arm at least. Then if she takes it after a while see drop it down but in a way that signals to take your hand. If she won't, then you know it ain't happening. If she takes your hand then it's on. I don't believe that one should just poke his face out there for a kiss--leading with your lips is risky. Use touch. Nothing verbal has to come from her if you make the right moves with your hands but she doesn't want to go there. You'll just know you're a "friend" (or a free meal). Oh yeah I've made sure to break the touch barrier first. I pretty much dedicated 1/2 of our previous date to that, and she seemed totally comfortable. We even held hands during the last half of a movie when I presented my hand to hold. She took it almost instantly. I haven't touched her in any intimate regions though. Just the arms, shoulders, small of the back, and hands. I know she is ready to be kissed, I just chickened out at the last moment . There was a moment when we said goodbye and hugged tightly that we just kinda looked and smiled at each other while awkwardly backing away like we were both waiting for the other to do something. It was kinda funny. I'm definitely doing it next time though, no doubt. If feel like a damn teenager haha. kissing is a pretty normal thing but this time it's getting me all worked up for some reason. Edited July 12, 2012 by tenspoons
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