Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 thought she wants to be friends? the answer is simple, play it kool and remember actions speak louder than words. cool it off, then after a week of not talking, invite her to come play bowling, almost got to take her on dates, show her how much fun you are. fun is key. don't act bothered if you get back together or not. after 3-4-5-6 weeks how ever long you can take.. then maybe pop a question. but literally, the way i see it, is your playing games with yourself and if it doesnt work out then what you going to do> how would that make you feel. you have to weigh up the outcomes and be realistic
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 That's a good idea. Just don't get too hopeful. Let's say you pretend you will never see her again and work from there. To make her feel like there might be a chance it could work you have to become the guy you were, or better if there was something specifically wrong. It's not attractive when you're begging and crying, is it? See what I mean. because in a month im going away so i figured if i give her space for 3 weeks and then call her and ask if she wants to catch up, idk what im going to do if she says no, but if she says yes hangout and then slowly start talking to her more, she said she wants to move on and she doesnt want to date in the summer i understand that i just feel what we have is worth trying to fix no matter how many times i get hurt, i understand the begging pushes her away, but how can i show her i changed? she says im immature, i dont listen and im too clingy, thats why im giving her space to show im not clingy, im showing her now that im mature with no more begging and sending her a bunch of texts and im showing her i can listen with not wanting to date in the summer, what else can i do?
mike588 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I don't want to trick her I just feel the relationship we had is worth saving. But I don't know what to do to make her feel like there might be a chance we could work. I was gonba do NC for 3 weeks then be nice to her again as her friend? And ask her to hangout and see if she still feels the same way? You sounded like I/we did after being dumped....wanting her back and asking the same questions...it's ok though most of us did the same. Take the advise given to you here. Go No Contact and move on with your life and stop focusing on getting her back because it's up to her. This "plan" you have is dumb...your almost playing games...if she wants to try it again she will contact/find you. The best thing you can do is to let her go and vanish...focus on yourself and take care of yourself...let her wonder about /miss you. I know what your going thru and I know it's tough but if you want any chance on getting her back don't contact her...don't play games and do your best to move on with your life. One day you will look back on this and laugh....as I'm doing about my b/u.
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 as of right now its been 2 days since i havent talked to her im starting to realize a whole different side of the breakup. i feel like im still not ready to initiate contact with her because i want to be with her still, i dont need her in my life anymore and i know that. no contact does work its making me realize this alot more. i was just wondering after all the begging i did and sending her a **** load of texts if she would still even think about taking me back at all once i start talking to her again, as i said she wanted to be single for the summer, and people are saying she keeps pushing andpulling me to see if i still like her and to string me along. thats why im doing nc to show i dont care make her scared of losing that "power" over me, do you think if i do that she might possibly think of taking me back once the summers over? people say shes playing mind games with the push/pull telling me about guys flirting with her etc.. whats your opinion?
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 as of right now its been 2 days since i havent talked to her im starting to realize a whole different side of the breakup. i feel like im still not ready to initiate contact with her because i want to be with her still, i dont need her in my life anymore and i know that. no contact does work its making me realize this alot more. i was just wondering after all the begging i did and sending her a **** load of texts if she would still even think about taking me back at all once i start talking to her again, as i said she wanted to be single for the summer, and people are saying she keeps pushing andpulling me to see if i still like her and to string me along. thats why im doing nc to show i dont care make her scared of losing that "power" over me, do you think if i do that she might possibly think of taking me back once the summers over? people say shes playing mind games with the push/pull telling me about guys flirting with her etc.. whats your opinion? Your still sooooo emotionally attached to her...like ALL of us were. As far as your past begging and pleading...well it probably made you look weak and pathetic and pushed her further away that's why you should go No Contact and stick with it!! If you keep in touch you will continue to look this way... STOP!!! As I and others have said let her wonder about you...why your not contacting her..leave her ALONE.... Disappear she most likely will start to be curious what your doing..how your doing and MAYBE she will start to miss you. Quit playing mind games by sticking with No Contact and stop worrying about the "power" over me stuff. Now for the bad news...if she want's to be single over the summer what do you think that means?? I feel that she wants to have freedom and to date and do what she wants....not good. Please keep up the No Contact... you must...I know how extremely difficult it is... I've been there!! but it's for the best!!!
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 Your still sooooo emotionally attached to her...like ALL of us were. As far as your past begging and pleading...well it probably made you look weak and pathetic and pushed her further away that's why you should go No Contact and stick with it!! If you keep in touch you will continue to look this way... STOP!!! As I and others have said let her wonder about you...why your not contacting her..leave her ALONE.... Disappear she most likely will start to be curious what your doing..how your doing and MAYBE she will start to miss you. Quit playing mind games by sticking with No Contact and stop worrying about the "power" over me stuff. Now for the bad news...if she want's to be single over the summer what do you think that means?? I feel that she wants to have freedom and to date and do what she wants....not good. Please keep up the No Contact... you must...I know how extremely difficult it is... I've been there!! but it's for the best!!! last time i didnt talk to her she started missing me, and she said she wants to be single cuz she doesnt want to worry about the stress of the relationship she just wants to have fun for this one last summer.. i know im not ready to talk to her yet, i didnt say i was still so emotionally attached to her, i meant i am getting better, but i still do want to be with her but as for right now we both need space away from eachother so stuff cools down and im not emotionally attached. is there anything i can do to bring her back though? like after nc what should i do, seeing if i do still want her back after nc.
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 last time i didnt talk to her she started missing me, and she said she wants to be single cuz she doesnt want to worry about the stress of the relationship she just wants to have fun for this one last summer.. i know im not ready to talk to her yet, i didnt say i was still so emotionally attached to her, i meant i am getting better, but i still do want to be with her but as for right now we both need space away from eachother so stuff cools down and im not emotionally attached. is there anything i can do to bring her back though? like after nc what should i do, seeing if i do still want her back after nc. You ask is there anything I can do to bring her back?? I'm sure she knows how you feel about her and how hurt you are over this. If for some reason she doesn't know (yeah right) contact her one LAST TIME and express your feelings about her and what you want in a relationship. I always suggest contacting an ex. by email...that way you won't start crying and getting all emotional either over the phone or in person. Again I'm SURE she already knows this so I wouldn't do it. You say your not emotionally attached to her...well you are wether you know it or not!! The only thing you can do to "bring her back" is to LEAVE HER ALONE!! You say WE....WE both need some space from each other...well give it to her!! She knows how you feel so again ..Leave her alone. If she wants to get back together with you SHE WILL Contact you. If you do get back together are you prepared to wonder....ask her about and what she did over the summer and if she slept with other guys??? How would you react???
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 You ask is there anything I can do to bring her back?? I'm sure she knows how you feel about her and how hurt you are over this. If for some reason she doesn't know (yeah right) contact her one LAST TIME and express your feelings about her and what you want in a relationship. I always suggest contacting an ex. by email...that way you won't start crying and getting all emotional either over the phone or in person. Again I'm SURE she already knows this so I wouldn't do it. You say your not emotionally attached to her...well you are wether you know it or not!! The only thing you can do to "bring her back" is to LEAVE HER ALONE!! You say WE....WE both need some space from each other...well give it to her!! She knows how you feel so again ..Leave her alone. If she wants to get back together with you SHE WILL Contact you. If you do get back together are you prepared to wonder....ask her about and what she did over the summer and if she slept with other guys??? How would you react??? shes already telling me about all these guys trying on her anyways, and she told me what happened the last summer. and i plan on enjoying my summer just like she is, im trying not to worry about it right now.
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 shes already telling me about all these guys trying on her anyways, and she told me what happened the last summer. and i plan on enjoying my summer just like she is, im trying not to worry about it right now. And you want her back??? After she's been with or going to be with other guys?? Why do you think she want's her space?.... not to be with you but with other guys!! If she truely loves you and want's to be with you and you only...well she would be with you. Let her go man and move on!
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 And you want her back??? After she's been with or going to be with other guys?? Why do you think she want's her space?.... not to be with you but with other guys!! If she truely loves you and want's to be with you and you only...well she would be with you. Let her go man and move on! kinda funny.. just read what you said look at my phone and theres a text from her saying.. "you heard of any parties tonight?" how should i react to this? respond in the morning? ignore it? why did she text me..?
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 kinda funny.. just read what you said look at my phone and theres a text from her saying.. "you heard of any parties tonight?" how should i react to this? respond in the morning? ignore it? why did she text me..? She wants to keep you as a backup. Is this what you want... to be a backup?? Ignore the text... she will be waiting/expecting for you to respond. If you do then she knows your waiting on her...she's stringing you along. Don't reply and let her wonder why you didn't respond.
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 She wants to keep you as a backup. Is this what you want... to be a backup?? Ignore the text... she will be waiting/expecting for you to respond. If you do then she knows your waiting on her...she's stringing you along. Don't reply and let her wonder why you didn't respond. i was going to respond in the morning and say i was out and tell her where the party was from last night.. is this more of her mind games and push/pull **** shes trying to keep pulling on me? i have to pretend like i dont care right?
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 i was going to respond in the morning and say i was out and tell her where the party was from last night.. is this more of her mind games and push/pull **** shes trying to keep pulling on me? i have to pretend like i dont care right? DO NOT respond at all! Let her contact you again and let her ask... why/how come you didn't call/text back?? Come across like your doing ok without her. Let her chase you...If she does care and want to be with you .....she'll let you know.
Author matt1513 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 DO NOT respond at all! Let her contact you again and let her ask... why/how come you didn't call/text back?? Come across like your doing ok without her. Let her chase you...If she does care and want to be with you .....she'll let you know. im actually laughing at it now seeing it now its just to try to get me to think about her cuz shes scared of losing me.. its hard for me to ignore people though its not who i am.. is it a good sign she texted me? and is ignoring it really the best approach?
mike588 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 im actually laughing at it now seeing it now its just to try to get me to think about her cuz shes scared of losing me.. its hard for me to ignore people though its not who i am.. is it a good sign she texted me? and is ignoring it really the best approach? She's only texting you to keep you as a backup....maybe she feels guilty and is wanting to let you down easy hoping you'll find someone else and move on while she's out sleeping around/dating for the summer. I've already said (maybe others have too) that ignoring her IS the best approach. You have GOT to try to quit all this "hanging on" stuff and let her go!! Again....if she wants you either she would be with you or she'll contact you telling you that's what she wants. Don't reply to ANY contacts she makes unless she says she want's to get back together. If she really wants to be with you she will blow up your phone with calls...messages etc. I've been in your shoes several times and made the mistake/s of contacting my ex./s and waiting for them...coming across as sad and Boo Hooing all the time wasting my life with hope.....NEVER Again!! You should do the same. One day you'll look back on this and realize you've been a fool. For the last time...Ignore her unless she makes a real attempt to get back with you...try to move on with your life....let her wonder about you...what your doing...how your doing...become mysterious....disappear...she MAY start to miss you....how can these things happen if you stay in touch with her...responding to her texts soon after and remind her that your hurting....wanting to get back together and waiting for her...she already knows that!! Don't push her further away that is..... unless you want to...do you?? If she knows your putting your life on hold...waiting for her ALL summer you'll look weak and foolish!! Not a turn on but a turn off!!
JesseMartin Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Hey man, You're using NC, hoping to make her feel a certain way. You're coming here, asking for more tricks to get her back. Instead, you should treat NC as a way to come to terms with the break up, and it's definitiveness. She broke up with you for a reason. But it's more a primal, emotional response, than a reason. Because women are emotional creatures. Just like her initial attraction to you wasn't a choice, her lack of attraction now, isn't a choice either. What should you respond to her text? Nothing, preferably delete her number and delete any text you get from an unknown number. Trying to figure out ways to make her feel a certain way basically means you're still coming from a place of insecurity and neediness. My guess is, it's those traits in you that pushed her away in the first place. Forget acting different to get her back. Forget doing things different to get her back. Anything you do or say, won't get her back, because she's not repelled by what you do or say, she's repelled by WHO YOU ARE right now. And chances are that the direness of the situation is emphasizing those traits in you right now. Embrace NC as a way to get in touch with the person you want to become. You should strive to be a secure, independent guy. Only by developing yourself further as a person can you elicit a different emotional reaction in her. But chances are, once you've developed yourself that far, you won't want her back. It hurts man. But doing what you're doing right now, is setting yourself up to get hurt even harder in the future.
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