matt1513 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 okay me and my ex broke up 2 and a half months ago, i begged and all that, and just did again.. we didnt talk for a month and she kissed me and said she missed me, but then pushed me away and said i havent changed, i tried being friends with her and asked to hangout and she said i dont want to lead you on.. so im asking if i did no contact to her, would she ever want me back, or did all the begging push her to far away? she said we dont work, but wont say how so i dont know what i can do to fix this, its becoming very hard because everytime i get close to fixing it she does this and she texts me like how we did while dating... so would NC work still....
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 okay me and my ex broke up 2 and a half months ago, i begged and all that, and just did again.. we didnt talk for a month and she kissed me and said she missed me, but then pushed me away and said i havent changed, i tried being friends with her and asked to hangout and she said i dont want to lead you on.. so im asking if i did no contact to her, would she ever want me back, or did all the begging push her to far away? she said we dont work, but wont say how so i dont know what i can do to fix this, its becoming very hard because everytime i get close to fixing it she does this and she texts me like how we did while dating... so would NC work still.... Well, you didnt talk for a month and she kissed you so it worked to some degree.
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 It won't work if you don't change that aspect of yourself she dislikes so much. But don't change it if its something that makes you a better, happier individual. Only make changes for yourself. Not others. And remember NC isn't used to get the girl back. Its for developing yourself and understanding yourself better. And grow as a person. I recommend reading all of the NC posts (there are plenty on here) Ive been following quite a few now for the past 3 days and am just getting a real grasp on the importance for self-development. 1
mike588 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 okay me and my ex broke up 2 and a half months ago, i begged and all that, and just did again.. we didnt talk for a month and she kissed me and said she missed me, but then pushed me away and said i havent changed, i tried being friends with her and asked to hangout and she said i dont want to lead you on.. so im asking if i did no contact to her, would she ever want me back, or did all the begging push her to far away? she said we dont work, but wont say how so i dont know what i can do to fix this, its becoming very hard because everytime i get close to fixing it she does this and she texts me like how we did while dating... so would NC work still.... There is no guarantee it will work but it's the best option for you. Eleven months ago my ex. dumped me for her ex. I got alittle emotional when she told me but didn't do any of the begging pleading stuff..Thank God! We talked alittle and sent e-mails several days after she dumped me but I still didn't beg or plead then I went strict No Contact. I was sure I'd NEVER hear from her again but 6 months later she contacts me several times (e-mails) saying how sorry she was for hurting me..she regrets what she did..she thinks about me everyday (yeah right?)blah blah blah. No Contact is NOT a tool to get your ex. back but it could help. It's for you to heal and move on....who know what may happen later. Good luck.
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 There is no guarantee it will work but it's the best option for you. Eleven months ago my ex. dumped me for her ex. I got alittle emotional when she told me but didn't do any of the begging pleading stuff..Thank God! We talked alittle and sent e-mails several days after she dumped me but I still didn't beg or plead then I went strict No Contact. I was sure I'd NEVER hear from her again but 6 months later she contacts me several times (e-mails) saying how sorry she was for hurting me..she regrets what she did..she thinks about me everyday (yeah right?)blah blah blah. No Contact is NOT a tool to get your ex. back but it could help. It's for you to heal and move on....who know what may happen later. Good luck. so you never took your ex back?
Author matt1513 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 It won't work if you don't change that aspect of yourself she dislikes so much. But don't change it if its something that makes you a better, happier individual. Only make changes for yourself. Not others. And remember NC isn't used to get the girl back. Its for developing yourself and understanding yourself better. And grow as a person. I recommend reading all of the NC posts (there are plenty on here) Ive been following quite a few now for the past 3 days and am just getting a real grasp on the importance for self-development. the problem is she wont tell me so im just trying to take the advice of other people that they think it is which is clingy, not listening and being immature, but its just whenever i think im close to fixing it she pushes me away, then when we start talking again shes all nice like how we dated and pushes me away, she said she didnt want to date in the summer, so idk if shes trying to keep me around til then, but i tried getting over her but i cant so do you guys think there is anyway to make her like me again and give me another chance,,
mike588 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 so you never took your ex back? At the 6 month mark when she contacted me I was pretty much over her and started to see her in a different light. In the emails she never said anything about wanting to get back together. She dumped me in a very cruel way after I did so much for her and was soooo good to her so I assume all she was doing was dumping/ridding herself of the guilt she had been carrying around. At 1st I thought that's what she was hinting at but after I foolishly replyed I didn't hear from her again. It's been 11 months now and I'm sooo over her and wouldn't go back if she begged and pleaded. 2
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 At the 6 month mark when she contacted me I was pretty much over her and started to see her in a different light. In the emails she never said anything about wanting to get back together. She dumped me in a very cruel way after I did so much for her and was soooo good to her so I assume all she was doing was dumping/ridding herself of the guilt she had been carrying around. At 1st I thought that's what she was hinting at but after I foolishly replyed I didn't hear from her again. It's been 11 months now and I'm sooo over her and wouldn't go back if she begged and pleaded. yeah six months is a while. well good for you. she wasnt right for you
Dblock10 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 so mike why are you on this forum if you are over her? matt. my advice is don't change for someone. change for yourself.. it will make sense even if you don't get her back.. from my experience, its a tough one.. if you love someone nc i think is impossible unless there is an absolutely ground breaking reason to stop yourself i.e they cheat on you or get another bf. my ex left me and i stayed in lc. (she left the country to travel, so i had no choice, she didn't want a relationship when she travelled). anyway i moved on after 3-4 months and then went into full nc, only replied if she spoke to me first for once (which she did after 2 months of nothing) but obv i still thought about her during this time just it didn't have as a strong grip on me. non of the girls i met during the time she was away i liked as much as her. after 11 months we finally met... i think that if i had gone complete nc on her that wouldn't have happened (trust me i was close to deleting her from my life) however.... even though she came back, we slept together and she told me she has feelings etc etc. she has gone to live in one of the countries she visited, and will be gone for a year. and far as i know, one of guys she slept with whilst away, lives there... she still keeps in touch with me now and has done so on a daily basis since she left and so i don't know what to do either this time, its like all hope has gone this time. so... from my experience, i guess you won't know how life will turn out and thats the point seems like she doesnt want to fix it, and relationships are a two way thing... its like my situation, if one wants other things then it won't work.
Tree_Salmon Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 so mike why are you on this forum if you are over her? matt. my advice is don't change for someone. change for yourself.. it will make sense even if you don't get her back.. from my experience, its a tough one.. if you love someone nc i think is impossible unless there is an absolutely ground breaking reason to stop yourself i.e they cheat on you or get another bf. my ex left me and i stayed in lc. (she left the country to travel, so i had no choice, she didn't want a relationship when she travelled). anyway i moved on after 3-4 months and then went into full nc, only replied if she spoke to me first for once (which she did after 2 months of nothing) but obv i still thought about her during this time just it didn't have as a strong grip on me. non of the girls i met during the time she was away i liked as much as her. after 11 months we finally met... i think that if i had gone complete nc on her that wouldn't have happened (trust me i was close to deleting her from my life) however.... even though she came back, we slept together and she told me she has feelings etc etc. she has gone to live in one of the countries she visited, and will be gone for a year. and far as i know, one of guys she slept with whilst away, lives there... she still keeps in touch with me now and has done so on a daily basis since she left and so i don't know what to do either this time, its like all hope has gone this time. so... from my experience, i guess you won't know how life will turn out and thats the point seems like she doesnt want to fix it, and relationships are a two way thing... its like my situation, if one wants other things then it won't work. I always say do what is best for you. There were times where i felt i just needed to be away from the situation in order to get my head on straight. That would be called "NC" here but when my ex's would contact me and I felt like replying I would. As long as you care about yourself and feel confident and strong enough to handle yourself then you should be fine with anything that comes your way. It hurts like hell sometimes but its also part of being a man. The only cure for getting over a loved one is truly moving on. At that point it wont matter to you anymore.
mike588 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 so mike why are you on this forum if you are over her? matt. my advice is don't change for someone. change for yourself.. it will make sense even if you don't get her back.. from my experience, its a tough one.. if you love someone nc i think is impossible unless there is an absolutely ground breaking reason to stop yourself i.e they cheat on you or get another bf. my ex left me and i stayed in lc. (she left the country to travel, so i had no choice, she didn't want a relationship when she travelled). anyway i moved on after 3-4 months and then went into full nc, only replied if she spoke to me first for once (which she did after 2 months of nothing) but obv i still thought about her during this time just it didn't have as a strong grip on me. non of the girls i met during the time she was away i liked as much as her. after 11 months we finally met... i think that if i had gone complete nc on her that wouldn't have happened (trust me i was close to deleting her from my life) however.... even though she came back, we slept together and she told me she has feelings etc etc. she has gone to live in one of the countries she visited, and will be gone for a year. and far as i know, one of guys she slept with whilst away, lives there... she still keeps in touch with me now and has done so on a daily basis since she left and so i don't know what to do either this time, its like all hope has gone this time. so... from my experience, i guess you won't know how life will turn out and thats the point seems like she doesnt want to fix it, and relationships are a two way thing... its like my situation, if one wants other things then it won't work. I used to live on this site after the breakup. Now I ocassionally 'check in" and give my 2 cents worth to people who are going thru a rough time. So many people helped me during my darkest hours and I'm just repaying for the help given me. I promise ALL of you that it gets better in time..it really does. Please stay in No Contact no matter how bad you feel the need to contact your ex. I almost broke N.C a million times but am so glad I followed the advise give me and stuck with it. Alot of people here are heart broken as I was and say/feel that this person was their soulmate...they were special...there is no one else out there.. (I felt the same)believe me there is..just give it time. I know the pain and hurt...cry,scream do what it takes to make you feel better but one day it will all change and you will come out a better and stronger person.
Svet74 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 So will nc bring her back..? NOOO! it will just make her miss you.. But if its meant to be then feight will bring her back.. but of course u dont know that. thats what makes life so interesting...
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 NOOO! it will just make her miss you.. But if its meant to be then feight will bring her back.. but of course u dont know that. thats what makes life so interesting... Well is there anything I can do to make the chances better. Everytime we hangout it seems like she likes me still. But she says she wants to move on. That's why I'm on here to try and figure out how by the end of the summer shell want to try once more. What do I do
Tree_Salmon Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Well is there anything I can do to make the chances better. Everytime we hangout it seems like she likes me still. But she says she wants to move on. That's why I'm on here to try and figure out how by the end of the summer shell want to try once more. What do I do You are hurt and desperate. You couldnt get her back even if she was ready to be taken back. You need to take yourself out of this mindset. And dont think that we havent felt the same way. You just have to let this fear and desperation go. Go work on yourself and then she will smell it. I'm telling you. Once you no longer care if you win or lose it she will either come back and youll see right through her or she'll try another game with you and you wont want to play. The way to truly feel better is to make yourself happy. Right now you need to let this girl go.
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 You are hurt and desperate. You couldnt get her back even if she was ready to be taken back. You need to take yourself out of this mindset. And dont think that we havent felt the same way. You just have to let this fear and desperation go. Go work on yourself and then she will smell it. I'm telling you. Once you no longer care if you win or lose it she will either come back and youll see right through her or she'll try another game with you and you wont want to play. The way to truly feel better is to make yourself happy. Right now you need to let this girl go. So If I give her space you think she'll take me back? What do I need to do while I give her space.
Libra85 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 give her space man..i made the mistake of not giving my girl space and she just recently broke up with me..That is your only chance..trust me i just went through this a few days ago. I would go at least 4-6 weeks without contact it seems like a lot but its not..Permanent NC can be overwhelming if you have feelings for a woman,so just do it for a shortwhile
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 its a catch 22. i would say don't beg, don't look desperate. don't play games to get her back. focus on you and only you. as someone said it really is fate. i dont believe you can ever play it right after a BU, as in if you want them back there is no right or wrong answer as someone said, if they come back its because they want to not because you had to act or play games. life doesnt work like that. thats called manipulation, sure you can learn how to manipulate people but isn't it easier to just move on or respect the way things are. if the bu was bad and she treated you like **** then sure i agree NC for your own sanity or if they met someone else
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 give her space man..i made the mistake of not giving my girl space and she just recently broke up with me..That is your only chance..trust me i just went through this a few days ago. I would go at least 4-6 weeks without contact it seems like a lot but its not..Permanent NC can be overwhelming if you have feelings for a woman,so just do it for a shortwhile By a short while what do you mean? Like would it still be too late to get her back? If I gave her space then be nice and stuff do you think she'd take me back..? Or is it too late...
Samilia Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Who knows.. I really can't read her mind.. but that probably would help you. Getting back with you ex is important to you, let her breath for now. The no contact rule and state of mind is meant for you to heal up, and for her to heal up as well. Sometimes they forget what drove them to the break up, or whatever needed fixing got fixed, and they give it another go. Sometimes, but not always. It might just be that she fell out of love, the well is empty, and there's not going back But you won't know that till you let some water go under the bridge.
Tree_Salmon Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 So If I give her space you think she'll take me back? What do I need to do while I give her space. You can't do anything. Even this sentence is a desperate cry for help. Once you aren't asking questions like these is when you're ready. Stop waiting and anticipating. Do some fun stuff for yourself and by yourself. Truly forget about it and then it'll come. If it's meant to come.
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 You can't do anything. Even this sentence is a desperate cry for help. Once you aren't asking questions like these is when you're ready. Stop waiting and anticipating. Do some fun stuff for yourself and by yourself. Truly forget about it and then it'll come. If it's meant to come. Well once I start talking to her again isn't there something I can do to get her back. Like if she did love me at one point doesn't it not go away? And while I'm not talking to her how can I show her I changed..
veggirl Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 So If I give her space you think she'll take me back? What do I need to do while I give her space. By a short while what do you mean? Like would it still be too late to get her back? If I gave her space then be nice and stuff do you think she'd take me back..? Or is it too late... Well once I start talking to her again isn't there something I can do to get her back. Like if she did love me at one point doesn't it not go away? And while I'm not talking to her how can I show her I changed.. Geez Matt. Do you really want to have to basically trick someone into wanting you? You need to focus on HEALING, not getting back with her. That is what NC does for you.
Author matt1513 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Geez Matt. Do you really want to have to basically trick someone into wanting you? You need to focus on HEALING, not getting back with her. That is what NC does for you. I don't want to trick her I just feel the relationship we had is worth saving. But I don't know what to do to make her feel like there might be a chance we could work. I was gonba do NC for 3 weeks then be nice to her again as her friend? And ask her to hangout and see if she still feels the same way?
Samilia Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I don't want to trick her I just feel the relationship we had is worth saving. But I don't know what to do to make her feel like there might be a chance we could work. I was gonba do NC for 3 weeks then be nice to her again as her friend? And ask her to hangout and see if she still feels the same way? That's a good idea. Just don't get too hopeful. Let's say you pretend you will never see her again and work from there. To make her feel like there might be a chance it could work you have to become the guy you were, or better if there was something specifically wrong. It's not attractive when you're begging and crying, is it? See what I mean.
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